Charas-Project
Off-Topic => All of all! => Topic started by: Bart_Fatima on July 21, 2005, 02:53:53 AM
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A rough draft of a book I am writing
Chapter I
The Conqueror and The Advisor
In 175 AD, Sun Jian's eldest son, Sun Ce, was born. Sun Ce along with his brother Sun Quan and his sister, Sun Shang Xiang, would later lead the Wu army to victory. When the Alliance went against Dong Zhuo in 190 AD, The Sun family moved to the Shu country in the Lu Jiang district. Once here they met the Zhou family where their son, Zhou Yu, was befriended by Sun Ce. They later swore an oath of brotherhood after being coming good friends, with Sun Ce being the elder brother only by two months. The two would later fight side by side, in the army of Sun Jian against many enemies.
Sun Ce was shorter than Zhou Yu, with red and gold armour with his hair tied in a ponytail. He's speciality was using tonfa's which were called 'The God Of War' and using his feet and fist. Zhou Yu however, was tall, long black hair with a red, white and gold robe and a long curved sword which was called 'The Elder Moon'. ZHou Yu was known as 'Handsom Zhou Yu' and he was a talented artist, writer and actor as well as very handsome hence the nick name handsom Zhou Yu. They were unstoppable as a team. So when Sun Jian teamed up with Yuan Shu to get rid of Liu Biao, the two showed their strength on the battle field.
In 192 AD, when Sun Jian and Yuan Shu went to attack Liu Biao, Sun Ce wanted to accompany his father, and Huang Gai to attack Fankou in Jingzhou with their fleet of ships.
Sun Jian turned to look at his son. " Sun Ce, my eldest son, this is your first battle." Sun Jian takes out his blade and raises it."SHOW THEM THE MIGHT OF THE SUN FAMILY!" Cheers and war crys pierce the air. Sun Ce raises his tonfa's like his father did. " Yes. Alright! WE SHALL TAKE LIU BIAO'S FORT IN ONE BLOW!" Sun Ce then got ready for a rough landing.The ships hit the shore and soldiers poured out of the fleet ships."CHARGE!" Sun Ce, Sun Jian and Zhou Yu yelled as they ran among the hundreds of soldiers.Once the Sun Jian's army was running on the shore, their army quickly gained victory.
" All units, attack the castle!" Sun Jian commanded as he charged into one of Liu Biao's small troops.They marched to Dengcheng where they killed Liu Biao's officers, Zhang Hui and Cheng Sheng, while forcing Huang Zu to retreat his army to Xiang Yang. While Sun Jian's army attacked the City, Sun Jian himself was ambushed by Lu Gong and was killed.
Sun Ce and Huang Gai rushed to Sun Jian's side. " FATHER! " Sun Ce cried. He reached for his father's head but it was pale. He had been slashed off his horse and killed. "DAMN LIU BIAO! You will pay for my fathers death!" Sun Ce, took over the Southlands army, and withdrew and had a proper burial for his father in the plains of Qu'e.
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Accurate in most point. Sun Ce didn't call upon Zhou Yu before he went to conquer Yang, which is after Sun Jian's death because of Huang Zu's clever ambush. Sun Ce never got next to his father at his death. Liu Biao brought Sun Jian's body to his camp while Sun Ce had captured Huang Zu. Sun Ce and Liu Biao eventually came to a trade where Liu Biao gives Sun Jian's body back if Sun Ce releases Huang Zu.
You should mention that Zhou Yu was often refered as 'The man with a beautiful face' or 'Handsome Zhou Yu'. In history, Zhou Yu was a talented artist, writer and actor as well as very handsome.
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well stating from the novel
While the city was being sieged, Sun Jian fell into an ambush laid by Lu Gong and was killed.
but I'll take Zhou Yu out.
but you want me to get rid of when Sun Ce says he'll avenge his father..or should I save that for the burial.
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From what I've read, you are mixing parts from Sanguozhi, SanGuoYanYi, Luo Guanzhong and Dynasty Warriors.
If you are writing a 'Fan Fiction', leave everything as it is because it's fiction. If, on the other hand, you are making an historic novel, keep it historically accurate. What I mean by that is that BoFu was *not* using tonfas and Zhou Yu never mentionned the name of his sword. The only weapons that ever got an official historic names are Guan Yu's Green Dragon Saber, Zhang Fei's Serpent Blade and Liu Bei's Dual Swords of Heavens.
I honestly don't know why you would write a story about Sun Ce. His lifespan is way too short, he dies not long after conquering Liu Yong, Yan Baihu and Wang Lang. He was a popular leader but a poor politician....which led to his demise.
Also, should you be interested, there is no historical records that The Two Qiaos actualy existed.
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NO QIAOS! WHAT THE HELL!
nooooooo so what! I'll take out there weapons names
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Oh my god, all those asian names! My bloody head!
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The Two Qiaos are a very foggy subject. Chen Shou, an officer of that time and author of the Sanguozhi, doesn't mention The Two Qiaos. Many believe that Luo Guanzhong invented that to add to the story.
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Excuse me, but I have no idea what's going on here but, BSW, I'd love to know about this story, it sounds interesting!
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thank you I will keep you guys updated
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If you're making a historic novel, use their real names. The names you are using are from Dynasty Warriors, not the true story. Example: The Yellow Turbans - Dynasty Warriors. Their real name was the Yellow Scarves.
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Oh yeah one more thing. Sun Quan was born 7 years after Sun Ce. Ce was born in 175 and Quan in 182. I would have chose Quan over Ce if I was to write a story about Wu. Ce only lived 25 years while Quan lived 70(!).
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Ace...Those ARE THE NAMES USED IN THE SANGUO YANYI!
SO I shall keep there names for now...its a fiction...not historical
And another thing..I WILL keep making this or If nobody here wants me to make it I'll make Ma Chao's..but I am making for now so deal with it.
Sorry BSW, but it'll be a small book then. Once I add more dialogue it'll be bigger.
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Just to back up Bart. The Yellow Scarves are indeed called The Yellow Turbans in the SanguoYanYi. The Yellow Scarves, tho the 'official' historic name, is overlooked by most except the experts.
So it's a fiction? Aye then you are free to do as ye wish, even give Sun Ce a tutu, heh.
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The Sango what-y? Nevermind, I'm thinking of something else. I do know that those aren't their real names though.
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ergh! okay Guan Yu's realy name is
KUAN YU! WHAT DIFFERENCE! A K! OOOOOO BIG DEAL!
They are pronounce just as well as the real names
ecept this
T'sao T'sao I think that how you spell it...is cao cao's name
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Their styled names would be better. T'sao T'sao is just weird.
Yunchang Guan Yu and Mengde Xiahou Cao...or Mengde Cao Cao...whichever you prefer. Cao Cao is, technically, a Xiahou.
But used whatever you wish, it's a fictional novel.
EDIT: The real and accurate way to use style names is Guan Yunchang and Cao Mengde -- Xiahou Mengde. Just so you don't get confused.
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Well, I might not used Styled form. Sun TOFU! I mean Sun Bofu!
Well, anyone like it so far. I am working on dialouge ....now
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Sun Tofu XD
Looking forward to your complete work....
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thank you man I appreciate all your advise people!
THERE WILL BE 10 chapters in the whole book maybe due to the fact...he dies at age 25. maybe 15 or twenty.
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Sounds good, I wouldn't worry about making it historically acurate, that would just make it restricted and unimaginative.
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HERE IS THE NEW VERSION!
Introduction
It is said that heroes appear in times of crisis.
The time: end of the 2nd century; the place: China.
To answer the call of the times, they have come.
it's cies rending the skies, the phoenix soars.
Shaking the ground beneath it's feet, the Tiger roars.
Piercing the clouds' veil, the Dragon rises to the heavens.
Whereever they go, there rains fire and destruction.
And so the age rages on:
There is non who can stop it.
---------------DW4
Chapter I
The Young Gentleman Sun
Sun Ce takes over for his father and joins Yuan Shu
In 175 AD, Sun Jian's eldest son, Sun Ce, was born. Sun Ce along with his brother Sun Quan and his sister, Sun Shang Xiang, would later lead the Wu army to victory. When the Alliance went against Dong Zhuo in 190 AD, The Sun family moved to the Shu country in the Lu Jiang district. Once here they met the Zhou family where their son, Zhou Yu, was befriended by Sun Ce. They later swore an oath of brotherhood after being coming good friends, with Sun Ce being the elder brother only by two months. The two would later fight side by side, in the army of Sun Jian against many enemies.
Sun Ce was shorter than Zhou Yu, with red and gold armour with his hair tied in a ponytail. and using his feet and fist. Zhou Yu however, was tall, long black hair with a red, white and gold robe and a long curved sword . ZHou Yu was known as 'Handsom Zhou Yu' and he was a talented artist, writer and actor as well as very handsome hence the nick name handsom Zhou Yu. They were unstoppable as a team. So when Sun Jian teamed up with Yuan Shu to get rid of Liu Biao, the two showed their strength on the battle field.
In 192 AD, when Sun Jian and Yuan Shu went to attack Liu Biao, Sun Ce wanted to accompany his father, and Huang Gai to attack Fankou in Jingzhou with their fleet of ships.
Sun Jian turned to look at his son. " Sun Ce, my eldest son, this is your first battle." Sun Jian takes out his blade and raises it."SHOW THEM THE MIGHT OF THE SUN FAMILY!" Cheers and war crys pierce the air. Sun Ce raises his sword like his father did. " Yes. Alright! WE SHALL TAKE LIU BIAO'S FORT IN ONE BLOW!" Sun Ce then got ready for a rough landing.The ships hit the shore and soldiers poured out of the fleet ships."CHARGE!" Sun Ce, Sun Jian and Huang Gai yelled as they ran among the hundreds of soldiers.Once the Sun Jian's army was running on the shore, their army quickly gained victory.
" All units, attack the castle!" Sun Jian commanded as he charged into one of Liu Biao's small troops.They marched to Dengcheng where they killed Liu Biao's officers, Zhang Hui and Cheng Sheng, while forcing Huang Zu to retreat his army to Xiang Yang. While Sun Jian's army attacked the City, Sun Jian himself was ambushed by Lu Gong and was crushed by a boulder.
Sun Ce after hearing his fathers death, took command of the Southlands army and withdrew from the battle field.
In 191 AD, Sun Jian's body was brought to Qua where it was properly buried. Sun Ce and his mother went to Qua, and after the mourning period they moved to Jiangdu County in Guangling district. So, Sun Ce stayed in the south and was gathering large numbers of people, these men included Huang Gai, Cheng Pu, Han Dang, and others that served under Sun Jian. Huang Gai was a friend of Sun Jian who was in their army for sometime, so Huang gai was a great asset to the Wu army. Sun Ce also attracted many new officers such as Lü Fan, Zhang Zhao and Zhang Hong. While Sun Ce was gathering troops, Yuan Shu was still the major authority in the south. Sun Ce traveled to Shouchun to offer his services to Yuan Shu.
Under Yuan Shu's services, Sun Ce displayed great skill and bravery in battles which greatly impressed all who surrounded him, winning their loyalty. Yuan Shu boasted often about Sun Ce's prowess, but attributed all of Sun Ce's victories to himself, which greatly annoyed Sun Ce and felt patronized he became bitter towards Yuan Shu.
In 195 AD, Liu Yao started to threaten Yuan Shu’s authority in the south and took Qua and Danyang from Sun Ce’s uncle Wu Jing. Sun Ce went to Yuan Shu and asked him if he could take troops from the main army and help his uncle to take back the lost teritory. Yuan Shu thought Sun Ce would not have any success with this so he only gave Sun Ce a troop of 1500 men. On his way to Yuan Shu's headquarters in the south, Sun Ce had increased his troops to almost 6000 and when he arrived to help his uncle, he quickly took command of his uncle's army. Sun Ce's Aunt advised him to attack Liu Yao's supply depot at Niuzhu, and took all of the depot's grain and weapons. Sun Ce turned north and attacked and defeated more of Liu Yao's forces. Sun Ce had gotten his leg injured in a battle against Zhai Rong. Having to retreat the battle field, Sun Ce had made Zhai Rong believe he was dead. So Zhai Rong pursued the army and Sun Ce's army ambushed Zhai Rong army, but Zhai Rong increased his defenses so Sun Ce's army couldn't reach him. Turning around and heading for Qua, Sun Ce occupied Qua and set up his headquarters there.
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Ok ur book is coming together but the idea of using the style names would sound better like Liu Bei (Xuande) or sumthin like that.
Trevlac was that really nessesary? kinda killed it