Charas-Project

Off-Topic => Creative arts => Topic started by: charaman on August 30, 2005, 08:29:23 PM

Title: Finis
Post by: charaman on August 30, 2005, 08:29:23 PM

"Finis"
The falconer has given up hope
Our world is full of his yellow smoke
The thorn upon this world is bold
but what we must remember is:
the center never really did hold

The sands of time speed up of late
And I grow restless in such a fate
To exist at the end is not desireable
as it may seem
the Spiritus Mundi Casts it shadow

we can't turn back, we must accept
The beast approach
greet it.



read thisafter reading the "lovesong of J alfred Prufock" by T.S. Eliot and "The Second coming" by W.B. Yeats, basically merging the idea of the oncoming internal apocalypse of a man, and the external apcoalypse. I wrte this like in may, and I;m going to do a rewrite of it soon, when I have time.

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Post by: coasterkrazy on August 30, 2005, 08:40:08 PM

Nice. I see someone will be doing well in Academic Writing this year. Ah, dont remind me of that poem Cameron made us read. Well, it confused me...

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Post by: charaman on September 12, 2005, 01:01:42 AM

can i get any sort of feedback please?

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Post by: Rikushinblade on September 12, 2005, 01:05:57 AM

besides that it is a good poem....but i can do better jk but i can write some really deep poems that hit the heart really hard.  :D

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Post by: AsakuraHao2004 on September 12, 2005, 01:16:20 AM

Overall, it's good, but it's lacking something I just cant say..

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Post by: Rikushinblade on September 12, 2005, 01:19:49 AM

my guess u tried to hard making it have some beat.  Since i am no expert i happene to own my own forums with poem makers and if you where with them u be the bottom of the food chain.  To write a poem speak from ur mind always what the hell why am i giving u tips i am in the postion to do so. Stupid me

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Post by: charaman on September 12, 2005, 01:41:53 AM

It sorta trails off the the end. im gonna rewrite it soon, i just don't know how to go about it.