Charas-Project
Off-Topic => Archive => Old Game Discussion => Topic started by: Secret Box on June 23, 2006, 01:25:01 AM
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My first game was called Kingdom Savior. It is currently on page 15 of the forums. I started making the sequel. but instead my brain hatched an amazing idea for a story. It is called Swords Path:
Well, to start off These group of three friends(all males) grew up together and had alittle hangout outside town. ever since they were little there was a little hole in the side of a rock wall that they were only able to peek into.
:the game starts:
as you and your friends are talking in your hideout, a red troll type monster jumps down and runs past you into town, dropping a mallet and traps you in your hideout. you then can use the mallet to break your way into the little hole. the cave stretches through and you end up unexpectedly going through a portal to a place you have no idea where! wen you are there you see a bunch of troll similar to the one in the hangout. you are unarmed so you run. you find an amazing sword and once you take it all hell breaks loose. all the trolls are attacking you and you dont know why. you end up fighting a huge troll and get sent back to the hangout completely confused because the hole has completely vanished.it looks like the hangout has be wrecked and your friends are gone. The sword is all you have.
The story all starts to become clear as you continue to play and I don't know if I should give that away because then it would be no fun playing it?
just anyone tell me your thoughts so far and if you want to know more!
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Interesting.
It has some cliche's, but enough to keep me interested.
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Originally posted by Dragoon de Sol
It has some cliche's
SOME?
YOUNG GROUP OF FRIENDS.
MAGICAL SWORD.
WIERD, UNKNOWN ENEMIES.
PORTALS.
NO EXPLAINATION AS TO WHY MONSTERS EXSIST.
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if you played it that would all be explained and beleived me the pages and pages i have written about the story are amazingly in depth. its just kinda like you learn as you play!
you are made to think it is aportal and they are not unknown enemies for long believe me. you are taken a few cliches and completely making it a bad game. You have no idea what it will be like.
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ok... because of the little that i have told you i think i should tell more. well right after the sword accident. you find out from a long cutscene source that you were sent to the world of the gods and the sword that you took was their most treasured item in their world. and by taking it they will only now cause harm to the world. so your job is to take that sword and return it as fast as you can so they may have less anger. but there is a curse on the secret portal and it can only be used once and for only one person with good intentions. you are confused why it would let you in if you didn't even know what it was! you have to find the Great Tysmic wizard at once to undo the curse. as you play you find out about a legend that says that the sword will naturally find its way back home(hence the name "Swords Path"). as you play you are attacked by many monsters(bosses) that the gods are sending down to taunt you and kill you for what you have done ( first two bosses are holding your two friends hostage and you save them and then they join party. You have a sword which holds the power of the gods and manage to continue on your journey.
you will also come across tracers on your journey which are little platforms in which the gods have placed there for the sword to find its way home. you can take the energy from the tracer and combine with energy orbs you can buy at any shop and put the resulting item in your sword to upgrade it!
in the end, after you open th portal up and face the gods once and for all (the big troll was one of the gods, the other gods look different), you realize everything, why it let you in, why the monster ran through your hideout, why the monsters were trying to kill you even though you were returning the sword, because you weren't suposed to return the sword you were suposed to get the portal open and destroy the gods forever so the hope of the earth wasn't rested upon the gods (because the only thing the gods did was harm the earth when they were mad.) you have to put them away forever with their own sword.
Everything becomes clear and you are the hero! and the fate of the earth doesn't rest upon the gods anymore!
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Your sig kicks arse, but that's about the only thing that does.
I'd really like to see some screens. What will the battle system be like? Will there be minigames?
That doesn't sound like a story to me. It sounds more like a prelude. I can't find the conflict in the story. Is it that they're trying to get back home? If so, why don't they just go back the way they came?
I could care less if your storyline is cliche. I wanna know if it's good. You NEED to give more details on the story. It isn't spoiling the story if you hide the best part. If you can't give us anything else, then it means that your storyline is too short and not well thought out. What are the three characters like? What are both of these worlds like? Are the trolls evil? if so, why? Why is there a magic sword in a world full of trolls?
I can't see anything rewarding about this storyline. You need to give me more to impress me.
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About: He said that The sword is the sword of the God's. He can not take it back they way he came because of the curse that has been put on him. And, they aren't going home. They are trying to take the sword back to the land of the gods. But with the curse they can not go back through the portal. As SB said, there is a legend about how the sword can find its way back home. And there are tracers throughout the whole game that are set there for the sword to find. That is what this whole game is about. But, you find out that is not what you were supposed to do. I think there are trolls there becasue one god is a Big troll so those could be his underlings.But I do agree with you on him having to give some more detail on the game.
SB: I agree with the About, your sig rocks. Your game sounds interesting, but what kind of battle system will it have? I would like to know some features you would have. I know one and that would be upgrading the sword. but what else will you have. And when possible screens would be cool.
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well, i just started the game and am open to all suggestions and that is why i don't have screenshots either
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He posted the extra storyline while I was writing my post. I never noticed. I swear I'm that slow. That's why I contradict myself now.
Now that you put in the extra stuff, Good Job!
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I just find a few things wrong internally with your story. If the GODS had a sacred sword, why would it be so easy to take, as the hero wasn't even aware of what he was doing. Come on, these are GODS. And second, why would they make is so hard to return the sword by making the portal a one time thing?
You need more depth on the portal. Why is it there? Don't EVER go with the thing in CT. Making a teleportation machine that goes haywire. I've seen that in practically every game that involves a portal.
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oh dont worry its not like that kinda portal you cant even notice that it is one.
and the curse was put upon the portal to be a one time thing. so you have to confront the one who put the curse upon the portal in the first place. and the reason the wizard put the curse on the portal is because he knew that you were going to go and get the portal. so he made it so that you couldn't return it. by doing that you would have to go on a journey and find him to take the curse off. and by that time he will have grown to know that it was a giant obsticle course to just make him realize what he was made to do, destroy the gods in the first place.
the sword wasn't easy to get at all. it was in stone surronded by statues of angels. it is a mystery why it lets you take the sword so easily. when you take it the statues crumble andall hell breaks loose and the troll attack you.because they know what will happen if you take the sword also they know their fate and they try to prevent it at all costs.
but thanks for asking i need these questions to work the bugs out of my story so keep asking!
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The plot is too shallow. You have your twist, your things that need solving, but thats not enough. Look at just about any commercial rpg game, you start off doing one thing that doesn't really seem related to the major plot, then through that, the story changes into the major plot, from there, you don't know what will happen, things change and twist, and by time you play through the major part of the plot, you're doing something completely differant then you were doing at the start. And in the end, you realize how every part of the game was connected.
You start off pretty much right away with the major part of your plot, you get the sword and try to bring it back. You don't build up to the major part of the plot at all. The only real differance between the begining of the plot and the end of the plot is that in the beginning you try to return the sword to the gods, and in the end, you try to kill them.
I probably didn't do a good enough job explaining what I mean, but you need more to your plot.
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no i understand what you mean but do you have any suggestionsto fix the problem?
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Originally posted by Secret Box
no i understand what you mean but do you have any suggestionsto fix the problem?
My suggestion: Don't make it a Kingdom Hearts Rip-off, because that's what you've got going for you.
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that was the last thing i was going for believe me!
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Originally posted by Secret Box
no i understand what you mean but do you have any suggestionsto fix the problem?
Well the idea of the troll in the begining is good because it connects the intro to the end. If that sword is the only sword you get in the game, then go ahead and get it. If I were you, I'd do something a little more epic with obtaining the sword though, just randomly finding it and pulling it out of a stone is kinda blah. Maybe the sword holds a spirit in it or something that guides you to it, then you get surrounded by monsters, and it apears before you, and you're able to escape.
Now instead of jumping right into the main plot here, go back and work on something else. Maybe his friends also got transported back to the world, so he goes out looking for them. Whatever you do, just have something that will build into the main plot.
After a little while, you start to see the affects of the gods being angry, and you find out about the sword and all, so then you go to bring it back. Once you get to the gods world, change the plot and have him try to destroy the gods instead of bring back the sword, but, you have to go in depth with this. The sword has to be more then a mere treasure if the gods want to destory the world for it being stolen. Maybe find out that the gods are actually false gods. Whatever you do, give them more of a reason to destory the world than just the sword being taken, build more into this whole thing.
And if I were you, I'd spend some time on the gods world to find all this out. So just don't make it the final dungeon.
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wow those are awsome ideas.
i 'm not going in the direction of false gods, but everything else is sweet! :D
you mean dont right off the bat go to return the sword, help your friend and then realize that is what you have to do?
i originally had an idea that the sword gave the gods half their power and they need it to survive. the other half of their power is to be evil and do bad things. so you must return it to give then their power to be forgiving and keep them alive, but at the end you realize why keep them alive and worry about this happening again or them turning on you when you hold the mightiest weapon of all, the sword of the gods!
tell me if you like this idea betteror anything else.
I NEED SOME INPUT PEOPLE PLEASE HELP!
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Originally posted by Secret Box:
i originally had an idea that the sword gave the gods half their power and they need it to survive. the other half of their power is to be evil and do bad things. so you must return it to give then their power to be forgiving and keep them alive, but at the end you realize why keep them alive and worry about this happening again or them turning on you when you hold the mightiest weapon of all, the sword of the gods!
I wouldn't have "evil" gods. I would just give them a reason to do what they do. Good villians need explanations on why they do what they do, and how exactly they're gonna do it.
I'd better give an example. Kefka was the main villian in FF6. Most people would say he was insane and pure evil when this isn't true at all. He was actually a really strong man, but was constantly pushed aside next to General Leo, Terra, and Celes. He also had the emperor to deal with. He wanted power.
SPOILER ALERT:
When Celes stabbed Kefka, he crawled trying to save his life. He ended up crawling right in front of the 3 Magic Statues. He was fully healed, and he was invincible. With this power, he killed his emperor and basically ended the world.
He wasn't really evil, he was just a bastard who happened to be corrupted by power. If your gonna have evil gods, they need to have a reason of how they got their powers and why they're using them to hurt others.
Here's a nice link to a bunch of well-written articles about villains, characters, and plots. The villain ones are called "Cruel Intentions." They helped me a lot:
http://www.gamingw.net/profile/3502#articles
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you mean dont right off the bat go to return the sword, help your friend and then realize that is what you have to do?
Yeah, thats good, you don't have to help your friend (just do whatever works well with your plot), but yeah, don't try to return the sword right off the bat.
i originally had an idea that the sword gave the gods half their power and they need it to survive. the other half of their power is to be evil and do bad things. so you must return it to give then their power to be forgiving and keep them alive, but at the end you realize why keep them alive and worry about this happening again or them turning on you when you hold the mightiest weapon of all, the sword of the gods!
tell me if you like this idea betteror anything else.
Umm, thats not really a good idea. Unless you want the hero to be evil.. You took the thing that makes the gods good, then you kill them with it so you can keep it instead. That makes the hero sound evil and selfish :p
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about: i dont think i should have to say how gods got their power.
THEY ARE GODS!!!!
dragonblaze: true ... good thought maybe i should stick to what i have
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I meant why they are evil.
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good point but i will go with the other idea i originally wrote in my first post like dragonblaze said.
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Originally posted by Secret Box
about: i dont think i should have to say how gods got their power.
THEY ARE GODS!!!!
Then how the hell does a human beat them?
You need explainations. At the rate you're going with your enemies, it would be like me saying:
One day, a dragon poofed out of thin dust, and decided "hey, I'm gonna kill everyone, but first, I'm gonna seal half my powers in this metal object so someone can use it to kill me.", and so it was done, a little boy picked up the sword, got help from a magical wizard, and killed the dragon, the dragon that was a god and had unlimited powers.
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the portal wasn't even suposed to be accessed. it just so happened that it let him through. he beat them because he was using their weapon!
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And the weapon was created because.... and the gods are there because.... and the portal because...
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that i partially why i made this topic... to ask suggestions to fill in the cracks in the story!
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What you should do is sit down and think up ideas. Anything and everything that comes to mind, write it down. If you're gonna come up with original ideas, it's better that you come up with them than have other people give you ideas. Though you can be inspired, you don't want to base your story around a few people's ideas on a forum. So, I suggest you sit down and jsut write. It's good to write everyday for atleast ten minutes or so, that way your ideas stay fresh and complete. The more you write, the more in depth you will get. The longer you think, the clearer the story and plot will become.
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smart idea. thanks
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You are not good creating things do you? *swdrop*
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yea, i was planning on getting inspired by some other ideas but i guess there is no chance there so...
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ok, I have worked on it for way too long and think it can't get any better but i'm probably wrong. but anyway here it is...
:Prelude:
a little after the beginning of time...
there is one god and one devil. the devil wants the earth to be his/her planet. so he instantly go and spreads his/her reign of terror on earth as much as he can. god comes down knowing this shouldn't be happening and fought a great fight. as god finishes the devil, the devil puts the energy he/she has left into a sword and hides it. god had no idea this was going on as he did the final blow and got rid of the devil for good... or so he thought.
1000 years later...
Warren (an infant) managed to crawl away from his parents into a small hole and saw something shiny and you know how babies like shiny things, well it was the sword and the second he touched it his phisical form changed. he was engulfed by power and darkness and his power started to spread long and far in ways that could not be seen. the sword had grew in power so much after the thousand years that there was no hope. Warren was as strong as a god. infact god at that point in time knew what was going on and being god knew he had to do something. he also knew he was no match for that infant. warren was too strong. so god sacrificed himself to seal warren along with the sword and all his power into another realm that was only accessable once and for only one person with good intentions.
another 700 years go by and peoples beliefs had changed as they do in real life over time. well, they believe there was a god up there protecting them. They also believed that the portal exists and everything about that, except that it let to a god that was a good god that could also get angry with them. they didn’t believe about how bad warren really was.
So… you stumble upon the portal in the hangout and are confused about everything. You take the sword being unarmed and confused about the situation. When you get back your friends are gone. You are forced to go on a quest to save them. You have no idea what could have happened to them. On that quest you realize that you haven’t had the best luck since you got the sword, so you do some research and read that the sword must never leave god and if it does it must be returned for the sake of the earth. Your quest is now to return the sword and in order to do that you must locate a wizard (the great Tysmic wizard) to see if he can get you to another portal. It turns out he can and you go to return the sword but then it all becomes clear to you and you realize why it let you access the portal even though you , at the time didn’t know what it was. You must destroy warren. Warren was already engulfed with darkness and didn’t need the sword anymore. The sword did contain much power except it wasn’t access through touch anymore. So you fight him and the long epic fight begins and ends and after you defeat him, you...
I didn’t know where to go from here so it would help if people could give their opinions. Here are three of mine:
After you defeat warren, you...
-revive god with the sword and all is good again.
-become the new god.
-save the world and no god is presents, but you are a hero. ^_^
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I like it but I stand by what I said earlier. Your evil goddess needs a reason to be evil. I mean look at Satan. He had a pseudo form of racism. Warren, he can stay as he is. All that dark magic probably ****** him up and no one would want to go near him (If there are people in his relm). I like what I see, and I didn't give out any extra ideas! :D
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Sounds like a book I once wrote called "The Magi", where God and Satan battled and god lost. It was about the angels and their tale of survival, though, it doesn't end pretty.
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meiscool: is that a compliment?
everybody: I still need help with my ending!!!!
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is anybody there because I really do need help with my ending.
everybodys opinion counts!!!
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When you say "God", fo you mean that Catholic God or just some random god?
And about, you don't need a reason why a god is evil. Look at Hades. You never really saw anything that said "Hades was evil because he was short changed at Mickey Dee's.". He was a god, and the power of gods is absolute and within themselves.
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Originally posted by Secret Box
meiscool: is that a compliment?
Don't act so suprised. I give compliments where they deserve it.
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Good Point, but I think Hades had a reason.
Would you want your older brother to rule the universe?
EDIT:
Or are you talking about the real Greek Hades. That one wasn't evil. He just wanted some *****.
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The real Greek Hades was a brother too Zeus. He resented Zeus and the other Olympians for having a nice place to live, while he was stuck in the pit of the earth. The version you speak of I have never heard of before, do you mind if you give me a jist of that storyi in a PM, I am always ready to learn something new about Greek Mythology
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Originally posted by aboutasoandthis
Or are you talking about the real Greek Hades. That one wasn't evil. He just wanted some *****.
He was the Greek's embodiment of darkness. He was their idea of evil. But REAL ideas of gods aren't based like an RPG. Imagine having some old Greeks sitting down going "Okay, this is our dark god" "Why is he dark? What is his motivation?" "We should plan that..." Gods aren't men. They don't need reasons.
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Death isn't evil. Death hates to do his job.
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gods dont need reasons to act the way they do. they were here before the beginning of time they weren't created they were just kinda, here.
and no i wasnt talking about a specific regious god i was just being vague and saying simply a god and a devil. i dont want to get caught up in the religious stuff.
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ZeroKirbyX: Well, I still like the idea of an evil god having a reason. It just makes the story seem deeper. Unless he's insane, then it works. I guess this is just a thing that makes RPG stories and fantasy stuff fun for me.
coreystranick: I know almost nothing at all about greek mythology so I'm probably wrong. Please tell me about this.
I heard a story about Hades (the man) taking a woman down with him to the pits of Hades (The Place). Her absence caused droughts and famine, so Hades allowed her to return to the surface world every so often. This made the seasons. When the girl came out, it was spring. Eventually came summer. In autum, she would go back down, and in winter, everything would die.
I think the girl's name was either Persephone (SP) or Penelope. I don't think this story is true at all because I've never really heard of snow in Greece.
As for you Secret Box: I'd say start with what the central conflict of your storyline, in this case I think it's to return the sword to the gods, and ask yourself "How do you want the player to feel after the game is over?" If you want them to cheer, then make a heroic ending. If you want them to be confused and think about your storyline, leave a couple loopholes in it. Not much else to say without just flat out giving you an idea.
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I think he means Persephone.
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no i mean i really dont know how it should end...
should you revive the real god with the sword after the fight, be the next real god after the fight, or just not have a god or devil after the fight and you are just a hero.
tell me which you think is better for the story or come up with your own ending because i know everybody has a great imagination on this forum, especially meiscool. I am curious as to what you think the ending should be!
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Sounds ok, although Warren being a baby when he finds the sword kinda bothers me... Although I guess it's original.
As for the ending, I wouldn't make the hero turn into a god, that just seems a little too extreme to me. Neither do I think that the ending should end on a perfect note, not everything can be all good and happy after a guy goes through a catastrophic battle against satan's power. You'd think even if chosen by God, the hero would be deeply scarred in such a battle. For example, in my game, the main character is racked with guilt after killing the villain, because the villain's insanity was brought about by the hero himself.
However, I wouldn't worry about the ending too much, since even if there is tragedy in the ending, all you really have to do is wrap up the game. Not extremely difficult.
Oh, and aboutasoandthis, you're right about the Hades in Greek mythology, although the Hades in the Disney movie was pure evil. Even though I loathed that movie because of its shameless desecration of Greek myths, that Hades was still cool.
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I didnt read through all the other post, but based on the story in the first post. If im repeating anyones claim, my bad. I have to say it sounds alot like kingdom hearts. No offence.
Reasons:
1. 3 friends in a hide out with a hole/ rikku, sora, kari and their secret cave.
2. Their hide out is outside of town/ their island is outside of town, not too far though.
3. Main gets separated and gets attacked by trolls/ Sora gets separated and gets attacked by the heartless.
3. Main gets a magic sword/ Sora gets the keyblade.
4. Town is fked up by the troll/ Sora's whole world is destroyed by heartless.
Course the idea of another world of trolls kinda reminds me of grandia 3 and the verse relm or w/e.
Though original base story ideas dont make the game. The developement of the story and game play is what makes a solid game. Im always up for playing a game with sort of the same feel, as long as its entertaining. As they say if it isnt broken dont fix it. Which is why almost all rpgs are about a young boy that overcomes great odds to in the end save the world.
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ryos4: no... the way i worded it made it sound like that but it is far from it that was the last thing i was basing it off of.
YankeePaladin: so your saying i shouldn't really have an ending...? that is what the entire game leads up to! that is one of the most important parts in my opinion.
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I have thought of an option for my ending!...
After he defeats the warren and releases his intense power he is both hurt and revived at the same time. in saying that he must remain as the new god, BUT is badly injured and is forever in a wheelchair!
tell me your thoughts of this ending or anything else you guys r thinking!!!!!!!
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Don't tell us the ending.
That's the point of playing a game is to see the ending.
Stop asking for help, work on it and write it yourself, and make the damn game.
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Dragoon hit this right on the nose. If we all help you make your game, we'll have no reason to play it, because we'll know what to expect. Start making it, and make up the plot as you go. That's what I'm doing, and I gotta say, my plot is actually amazing me myself.
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good idea