Post by: Big_Duke on July 06, 2006, 06:59:45 AM
*Explosion*
"My PS2!!!!!!"
"Puttin on the ritz"
"You're sittin on some ritz?"
"Puttin on the ritz"
"Timmy's trapped in the well?"
Post by: Razor on July 06, 2006, 07:17:17 AM
Quote
Originally posted by Big_Duke
"Megaman X Explodes on the PS2!"
*Explosion*
"My PS2!!!!!!"
"Puttin on the ritz"
"You're sittin on some ritz?"
"Puttin on the ritz"
"Timmy's trapped in the well?"
Those are your best?
Post by: Big_Duke on July 06, 2006, 07:23:06 AM
Well I'm gonna go.
Post by: Razor on July 06, 2006, 07:52:22 AM
Post by: RuneBlade on July 06, 2006, 09:16:24 AM
Quote
Originally posted by Big_Duke
"Megaman X Explodes on the PS2!"
*Explosion*
"My PS2!!!!!!"
Best...joke...evar
Post by: Drace on July 06, 2006, 09:49:33 AM
Post by: Emerates on July 06, 2006, 12:59:40 PM
He asks the bartender, 'Barkeep, could I PLEASE have something to drink? I haven't drinken anything in three days, and I'm about to collapse from exhaustion....'
The bartender says to the guy, 'I'll tell you what. If you drink some out of that spitoon over there, I'll give you a free drink.'
The man agrees.
He goes over to the spitoon, holds it up to his lips, and begins drinking.
After 5 seconds, the bartender tells the man, 'Okay, you can stop now.'
The man keeps drinking.
The bartender watches the man, and after a few more gulps, he says, 'Okay, you really need to stop now.'
The man keeps drinking.
When the man finally finishes, the bartender just stares at the man and asks, 'How could you drink all the spit in that spitoon?!'
The man says, 'I would have stopped, but it was all one strand.'
Post by: coreystranick on July 06, 2006, 01:10:29 PM
Post by: oooog on July 06, 2006, 02:05:36 PM
I tried walking into Target once, but I missed - Mitch Hedberg
"Guess how many jelly beans are in the jar, and you win a prize."
"Awww come on man, lemme just have some. Tell you what, you guess how many I want. If you said a hand full, you are right." - Mich Hedberg
"What are you eating under there?"
"Under where?"
"HAHAHA, it sounded like you said underwear! AHAHAHA"
Post by: Tomi on July 06, 2006, 03:26:40 PM
^ Yes, he is a joke.... (<- pun)
Confucius say:
man who stand on toilet is high on pot.
man who live in glass house dress in basement.
girl who rides bike pedals *** all over town.
Post by: Revolution911 on July 06, 2006, 04:13:12 PM
Post by: Archem on July 06, 2006, 05:21:22 PM
Well, a couple of months pass, and the older man says to John "You 'bout ready to try out the pink barrel?" John replied "No, not yet. So stop bothering me about that thing!" A few more months pass, and poor John is just about out of steam. So he goes up to the crewman and says to him "So, you just sign your name on the list, put your whatsit in the hole, and things are cool, right?" "Well, no one will think any less of you, most of the guys 'round here do it."
So, driven by temptation, John tries out the pink barrel, and is thoroughly satisfied. It was better than most of his land-based experiences, if you catch my drift. John liked it so much that he revisited the next day. And the next. And the next. One day, John goes up for his daily glory hole visit, and nothing happens. John goes up to the crewman and asks "Uh, I just went in for the pink barrel, and nothing happened. Is there something special going on today?" "No, son. But I do know what the problem is." "What is it?" John asks.
"Son..." the crewman says, "Today's your day."
Post by: Drace on July 06, 2006, 05:53:42 PM
A colonel is assigned to a station in the middle east. He arrives there and one of the officers gives him a quick tour around the base. At one point, they walk past a camel that's standing behind a tent. Curious, the colonel asks the officer what that camel is for.
"Oh that. Well see sir, sometimes our men get... urges. Then they use that to satisfy them. It's not much, but all we have."
The colonel is disgusted, but decides to keep the camel. After a few months in the base, the colonel is getting his own 'urges', so he decides to give the camel a try. He asks the officer to bring the camel to his tent and puts a lil' step-on behind him. The colonel then starts to have sex with the beast like he never had before.
"So this is how the men do it?" He asks after he's done.
"Well actually," the officer replies with wide open eyes, "the men use the camel to take them to the brothel of the town that's 4 miles away.
Post by: Bluhman on July 06, 2006, 06:04:24 PM
So, you're in a bar, and a sea pirate-type person walks up and sits next to you. He has all three a Peg-leg, a Hook, and an Eyepatch. Curious, you ask him how he lost his leg. He replies:
"Arr, a great shark bit me leg off during me sailing."
You then ask him about his Hook.
"A rabid seagull rended me hand to the marrow."
You then ask him about his Eyepatch.
"Arr, t'was my first day with me new hook."
Post by: MrMister on July 06, 2006, 07:36:46 PM
Post by: oooog on July 06, 2006, 08:06:39 PM
Quote
Originally posted by MrMister
Big Duke = awful threads
AHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Hilarious.
I think Pringles original intention was to make tennis balls, but the day the rubber was supposed to show, instead a big batch of potatoes did. And Pringles is a pretty laid back company so they said **** it cut em up!
Post by: Archem on July 06, 2006, 08:34:37 PM
Quote
Originally posted by oooog
quote: Originally posted by MrMister
Big Duke = awful threads
AHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Hilarious.
I think Pringles original intention was to make tennis balls, but the day the rubber was supposed to show, instead a big batch of potatoes did. And Pringles is a pretty laid back company so they said **** it cut em up!
Hahaha! More Mitch!
A preist, a rabbi, a blonde, Satan, and two pro wrestlers walk into a bar, and the bartender says "What is this, a joke?"
Time for a darker joke.
A poet walks into a bar. The bartender asks him "What'll you have, stranger?" The poet replies "A tall glass of pain..."
He recieves a window.
Fin.
Post by: Big_Duke on July 06, 2006, 09:00:39 PM
First people thought the sun revolved around the earth, now they think that the earth revlovles around the sun but now they know that everything revolves around ya mama's butt.
A banana and a chinese guy walk into a bar the banana wants to play I spy, the chinese man agrees,
Banana: "I spy something yellow!"
Chinese guy: "Is it you?"
Banana: "No, it's ya mama!"
The banana then runs away and does the original Peanut butter jelly time thing.
Post by: Razor on July 06, 2006, 09:08:15 PM
Quote
Originally posted by Revolution911
So a guy walks into a bar, BAM. Cancer.
Funniest one in the thread.
Post by: MrMister on July 06, 2006, 09:15:06 PM
Post by: Dragoon de Sol on July 06, 2006, 09:41:11 PM
Redneck: Wow, what a house. Say, how's your wife doing?
Brother: She's fine. What about your wife?
Redneck: She's doing good.
Brother: How's sis doing?
Redneck: I just said she's doing good!
There is a real trashy girl that lives behind my grandpa's house. She also has a huge crush on my brother. Well, she knew that we were there, so she was outside, looking out towards the fields, trying to look sophisticated. Well:
Me: Phillip, look, that girl is there.
Phillip: That just looks like a white bag of trash.
Me: Yea, I know. That's what I said, there she is.
Phillip: *laughs*
Me: Hey, phil, go play in the trash.
Post by: Blazingheart on July 06, 2006, 11:13:35 PM
Quote
Originally posted by Dragoon de Sol
A redneck goes to visit his brother in the city. His brother has gotten quite wealthy, and lives is the lap of luxury.
Redneck: Wow, what a house. Say, how's your wife doing?
Brother: She's fine. What about your wife?
Redneck: She's doing good.
Brother: How's sis doing?
Redneck: I just said she's doing good!
There is a real trashy girl that lives behind my grandpa's house. She also has a huge crush on my brother. Well, she knew that we were there, so she was outside, looking out towards the fields, trying to look sophisticated. Well:
Me: Phillip, look, that girl is there.
Phillip: That just looks like a white bag of trash.
Me: Yea, I know. That's what I said, there she is.
Phillip: *laughs*
Me: Hey, phil, go play in the trash.
LOL,funniest
Post by: Spike21 on July 06, 2006, 11:17:43 PM
Quote
Originally posted by Razor
quote: Originally posted by Revolution911
So a guy walks into a bar, BAM. Cancer.
Funniest one in the thread.
agreed
Post by: Big_Duke on July 07, 2006, 05:51:10 AM
Quote
Originally posted by MrMister
Funny joke = this thread
Funniest Joke eva = MrMister
Post by: Tomi on July 07, 2006, 11:27:34 AM
Quote
Originally posted by Big_Duke
quote: Originally posted by MrMister
Funny joke = this thread
Funniest Joke eva = MrMister
LOLOLOLOLno.
Quote
Originally posted by RazorQuoteOriginally posted by Revolution911
So a guy walks into a bar, BAM. Cancer.
Funniest one in the thread.
Concur'd.
Oh, and new joke: (Quote from Razor)
Sarcasm on the internet is like... Nazis on the moon. You know it's there, but it's hard to detect.
Post by: Dragoon de Sol on July 07, 2006, 11:59:37 AM
But if life gives you rednecks, make fun.
It doesn't pay to be poor.
That is why people are poor.
Dad: Guess what?
Me: George Bush was assassinated?
Dad: No
Me: Damn...
Blondes are lucky. They can drink all the Icee's they want without worrying about brain freeze.
In marriage, when you say "Till death do us part" you are actually setting a goal.
Jack be nimble, Jack be quick.
Juck jumped over the candlestick.
But Jack wasn't nimble, nor was he quick.
When he jumped, he burnt off his d*ck.
Every wonder why Buddha is always smiling?
Look under his robe, you'll see why.
If you're mute, what do you put down is your main speakign language?
If you're blind, how are you reading this?
If you're hearing impared, I am truely sorry, but I ..ve n.. ...... f.r w.a. I am do..g.
Post by: Moosetroop11 on July 07, 2006, 02:30:24 PM
Post by: Weerd Thing on July 07, 2006, 03:45:24 PM
This man goes up to heaven, and he meets the gatekeeper. The gatekeeper flips through the book of the man's life before finally saying:
"OK, I've read your life, and you haven't done any bad things... but no good things either. If you can tell me a good deed that I may have missed or is not written down there, I will open the gate for you."
The man replies:
"All right, here's one: I was driving down the street when I heard this girl crying out for help. I looked around and saw her being harassed by a street gang. I decided to help her, so I took out a baseball bat and walked up to the biggest guy. I told him 'Hey, stop harassing that girl!' He tells me 'Yeah? What're you gonna do 'bout it, chump?' So I took the bat and knocked him unconscious. The rest of the gang stopped what they were doing and made a circle around me, so I told them 'Hey, if you want the same, come an' get it, there's plenty for everybody!'"
The gatekeeper thinks over the man's story before saying:
"When exactly did this happen? Because I didn't see it in the book."
The man replies:
"Oh, just a couple of minutes from now..."
And another:
An airplane is going to crash in the Himalayas. There are 4 people on board: the tour guide, the President of the U.S. (on vacation), a little boy, and the Pope. There are only 3 parachute bags, though. The tour guide yells:
"I can't die here, I have to continue my tours!" He grabs a bag and jumps off. The President cries out in a patriotic manner:
"I am the most intelligent President the U.S. country has ever had! I can't die here, the country needs my leadership!" He grabs a bag and jumps off. The Pope calmly says:
"Well... I have lived a long and prosperous life. Go on, my child. Take the last bag." The little boy replies:
"You can come too! The most intelligent President the U.S. has ever had just grabbed my backpack!"
:p
W££rd
Post by: Tomi on July 07, 2006, 04:02:19 PM
Zing!
Post by: Drace on July 08, 2006, 11:02:58 AM
Post by: Tomi on July 08, 2006, 11:18:08 AM
Post by: Emerates on July 08, 2006, 01:23:11 PM
Bartender: *gives drink* Hey, listen, you wanna win a thousand bucks?
Guy: Sure. What do I gotta do?
Bartender: First, you gotta get real drunk. Then, you gotta go outside and pull that bulldog's tooth. It hasn't eaten in awhile, and its tooth is givin' him a real hard time.
Then, you have to go upstairs. There's an old lady who's dying up there, and she hasn't gotten busy in almost 10 years. So what you gott do then is give her an orgasm. Alright?
Guy: I'll do it.
So the guy drinks the beers, gets himself drunk, and goes outside for the first challenge.
......
The bartender hears a lot of scraping and whining.
........
Then the guy comes back in, bruised and cut to hell.
Guy: So where's that woman who needs her tooth pulled?
Post by: Tomi on July 08, 2006, 02:23:19 PM
Post by: Archem on July 08, 2006, 04:22:52 PM
Quote
Originally posted by Tomi
Two peanuts were walking down the street, and one was assulted.
lol
Post by: Cerebus on July 08, 2006, 05:28:50 PM
A group of men who died not a long time ago had to pass a test before going to heaven. All of them had to attach a bell around their penis, and a naked woman was going to pass in front of them. If the bell doesn't ring, the man can go to heaven. So the woman pass in front of them... so far, no bell as rang... but when she passed in front of the last one, the bell rang so hard that it fell off... so the guy, a bit constrained (?), leans to take the bell... all the other bells rang at the same time.
Post by: Meiscool-2 on July 08, 2006, 05:42:28 PM
Post by: Apex on July 08, 2006, 06:19:37 PM
Post by: Archem on July 08, 2006, 07:18:35 PM
Quote
Originally posted by Apex
I know a wonderful joke, but it is somewhat racist..
I think it'll be ok, just put a big ol' "WARNING! RACISM" thingy above it, and things should be fine. Disclaimers are a get out of trouble card.
A snake slithers into a bar and orders a Manhattan. The bartender says "Sorry, buddy. I'm not allowed to serve anybody who can't hold their liquor.
A man and a dog walk into a bar. The bartender can clearly see that the man is drunk. "Sorry, pal! I can't serve anybody who can't hold his liquor, and you look like you've had about enough!" says the bartender. "Oh, well, what if I told you this here dog can talk?" said the man. "Would you let me drink then?" "Buddy," says the bartender, "if that dog can talk, I'll let you drink all you want, on me!" So the man begins to ask the dog questions... "What's the outside of a tree made out of?" "Bark!" "What do you call the top part of a house?" "Roof!" "Who was the greatest baseball player of all time?" "Ruth!" Ok, I've had about enough of your nonsense, mister!" says the bartender. "Get out of my bar before I call the cops!" So the man and the dog are walking home. "I don't understand it!" says the man. "Well, if you'd asked me some more intelligent questions, things would have been alright!" said the dog.
A man walks into a bar with a frog. "Alright, what is this?" asks the bartender. "This here frog can talk!" exclaims the man. The bartender replies "Ha! If you can show me that this frog can talk, I'll give you a round of drinks, on me!" "Well, in that case, I'll have your finest vodka!" says the man. "Not until I see that frog pipe up!" says the bartender. "Oh, he just did!" replies the man. "I'm a mute, and this here frog's a ventriloquist!"
:dry:
Post by: FFL2and3rocks on July 08, 2006, 10:00:47 PM
Bush says "Thank you boys! You've saved my life. I must give you something in return for saving me, just name it and I'll get it to you."
The first boy says "I want a wide-screen TV!"
"No problem," Bush replies. "How about you?"
"I want a car," the second boy says.
"Sure thing," Bush replies. "And what would you like?"
The third boy says "A wheelchair."
"A wheelchair? Why do you need a wheelchair? You aren't crippled."
"I will be when my dad finds out I just saved your life.
Post by: Revolution911 on July 08, 2006, 10:22:48 PM
Quote
Originally posted by Razor
quote: Originally posted by Revolution911
So a guy walks into a bar, BAM. Cancer.
Funniest one in the thread.
Really, I wouldnt know. I refuse to read a post of over 3 lines.
To Apex : You god damned girly man. With fears of "offending people" and what not.
Post by: Apex on July 08, 2006, 11:00:03 PM
What did the little black boy get for Christmas?
Your bike.
Post by: dinkler on July 08, 2006, 11:11:13 PM
Then Abraham Lincoln says, "I will make five people happy!" and throws 5 one dollar bills off the plane.
Then Thomas Jefferson says, "I will make 500 people happy!" and throws 500 one dollar bills off the plane.
Then George W. Bush says, "I will make the whole world happy!" and throws Bill Clinton off the plane.
Post by: Archem on July 08, 2006, 11:49:03 PM
Quote
Originally posted by dinkler
Five presidents are on a plane: George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, Thomas Jefferson, George W. Bush, and Bill Clinton. George Washington says, "I will make someone happy!" and throws a dollar bill off the plane.
Then Abraham Lincoln says, "I will make five people happy!" and throws 5 one dollar bills off the plane.
Then Thomas Jefferson says, "I will make 500 people happy!" and throws 500 one dollar bills off the plane.
Then George W. Bush says, "I will make the whole world happy!" and throws Bill Clinton off the plane.
"And he drops it at the one yard line! What poor luck this guy has!"
I would have laughed my *** off if you said, George W. jumped out.
'Cuz Clinton was cool...
Post by: Drace on July 09, 2006, 07:21:09 AM
Why? Affaires can make a guy pretty awesome.
Post by: MrMister on July 09, 2006, 08:12:53 AM
Quote
Originally posted by Apex
WARNING, OFFENSIVE!!!
What did the little black boy get for Christmas?
Your bike.
I'm pretty sure I saw that on TV like 2 nights ago.
I'm disappointed in you, Apex.
GOOD DAY TO YOU.
Anyways, Drace. Cheating on someone you are only with to help your image is okay, but that's a pretty stupid statement.
PS SHIT!
PPS By 'stupid' I mean awesome.
Post by: Emerates on July 09, 2006, 03:20:38 PM
A: Tupperware.
Post by: X_marks_the_ed on July 09, 2006, 03:51:13 PM
Global Warming.
Post by: Tomi on July 09, 2006, 04:54:35 PM
A Chinese man, a Mexican man, and an American man were on a plane. The plane was too heavy for the winds, so the pilot asked the passengers to lighten the payload by throwing out things they don't need. The Chinese man takes his giant crate of chop sticks and throws them out, saying, "We have way to many of these in our country anyways." The Mexican does the same with a giant box of tacos, and says, "We have way to many of these in our country anyways." Then the American grabs the Mexican and throws him out, saying, "We have way to many of these in our country anyways."
Post by: PyroAlchemist on July 09, 2006, 05:31:26 PM
Quote
Originally posted by Tomi
WARNING: MAY BE OFFENSIVE TO SOME (but is still funny to others)
A Chinese man, a Mexican man, and an American man were on a plane. The plane was too heavy for the winds, so the pilot asked the passengers to lighten the payload by throwing out things they don't need. The Chinese man takes his giant crate of chop sticks and throws them out, saying, "We have way to many of these in our country anyways." The Mexican does the same with a giant box of tacos, and says, "We have way to many of these in our country anyways." Then the American grabs the Mexican and throws him out, saying, "We have way to many of these in our country anyways."
HAHAHA! I heard this one before. No offense of course. But I always laugh at that one. Same with the clinton out the plane one.
Post by: Meiscool-2 on July 09, 2006, 05:42:18 PM
Quote
Originally posted by Tomi
WARNING: MAY BE OFFENSIVE TO SOME (but is still funny to others)
A Chinese man, a Mexican man, and an American man were on a plane. The plane was too heavy for the winds, so the pilot asked the passengers to lighten the payload by throwing out things they don't need. The Chinese man takes his giant crate of chop sticks and throws them out, saying, "We have way to many of these in our country anyways." The Mexican does the same with a giant box of tacos, and says, "We have way to many of these in our country anyways." Then the American grabs the Mexican and throws him out, saying, "We have way to many of these in our country anyways."
Yeah, pretty old. However, the first time I heard it, I laughed, hence, you would've made me laugh.
Post by: Archem on July 09, 2006, 05:56:57 PM
Quote
Originally posted by Tomi
WARNING: MAY BE OFFENSIVE TO SOME (but is still funny to others)
A Chinese man, a Mexican man, and an American man were on a plane. The plane was too heavy for the winds, so the pilot asked the passengers to lighten the payload by throwing out things they don't need. The Chinese man takes his giant crate of chop sticks and throws them out, saying, "We have way to many of these in our country anyways." The Mexican does the same with a giant box of tacos, and says, "We have way to many of these in our country anyways." Then the American grabs the Mexican and throws him out, saying, "We have way to many of these in our country anyways."
Lol. I don't take offence*, so it's good!
*Mexican, since most of you don't know/remember.
Post by: Grandy on July 09, 2006, 11:01:43 PM
1 - Buy a small bomb.
2 - Get a empit soda can.
3 - Light the bomb, and put it inside the can.
4 - Count up to ten.
Bush told what he was told. He bought the bomb, got the soda can, lighted the bomb and started counting.
1...
2...
3...
4...
5...
Then he held the can in beetwen his legs and started counting with the other hand fingers.
----------------
They both just got married. One night, the man decides to talk to his wife.
"Honey, I'll tell you one thing. Every Friday and Wednesday I go out at night to drink with my pals, women can't go, and married or not, I'll still do it! Second: every Tuesday and Monday I go to the night club with some college friends, and with or without marriage I'll still go! And lastly, every Thursday at 10:00pm I go bowling with some friends, and married or not, I will still go!"
The woman said nothing, and there was this akward silence. After a while he asked:
"And you, won't you say anything?"
"Well, honey, I'll only say one thing."
"Only one? Say it."
"Every night I have sex, and with husband or without husband I'll still do it."
----------------
The judge asks the suspect "Aren't you ashamed to be here for the 10th time?!" and the suspect answers "And you, who comes here everyday?!"
----------------
The maid comes to talk to her boss.
"I quit! You don't trust me!"
"What do you mean?! Of course I trust you, I even let the keys to my safe over the table!"
"Yes" she says "But none of them works!"
Post by: Midnight9795 on July 09, 2006, 11:58:55 PM
Quote
Originally posted by Tomi
quote: Originally posted by Big_Duke
quote: Originally posted by MrMister
Funny joke = this thread
Funniest Joke eva = MrMister
LOLOLOLOLno.
Agreed! Lol!
Quote
Originally posted by Tomi
WARNING: MAY BE OFFENSIVE TO SOME (but is still funny to others)
A Chinese man, a Mexican man, and an American man were on a plane. The plane was too heavy for the winds, so the pilot asked the passengers to lighten the payload by throwing out things they don't need. The Chinese man takes his giant crate of chop sticks and throws them out, saying, "We have way to many of these in our country anyways." The Mexican does the same with a giant box of tacos, and says, "We have way to many of these in our country anyways." Then the American grabs the Mexican and throws him out, saying, "We have way to many of these in our country anyways."
OMG YOU THREW KIJUKI OUT, HOW COULD YOU!! :cry: Ok, I'm over it. :p
Alright, warning blah blah blah (My gym teacher told me this)
Alright, so Michael Jackson's on a boat that's about to sink, and the captain is telling everyone to get to the life boats. So, Mj goes "What about the kids?!" And the captain goes, "**** the kids" and then Mj's like, "Do you think we have time to do that?"
And here's another one, on a camping trip a snake bites the husband on his dick and he's screaming for help. So his wife calls 911, and the doctor tells her the only way to help him is to suck the poison out. So when she hangs up, the husband asks her what did the doctor say. Her reply was, "You're going to die."
xD
Post by: FFL2and3rocks on July 10, 2006, 02:47:10 AM
Because boys' pants are half off. :D
Post by: drenrin2120 on July 10, 2006, 03:32:18 AM
Quote
Originally posted by Tomi
WARNING: MAY BE OFFENSIVE TO SOME (but is still funny to others)
A Chinese man, a Mexican man, and an American man were on a plane. The plane was too heavy for the winds, so the pilot asked the passengers to lighten the payload by throwing out things they don't need. The Chinese man takes his giant crate of chop sticks and throws them out, saying, "We have way to many of these in our country anyways." The Mexican does the same with a giant box of tacos, and says, "We have way to many of these in our country anyways." Then the American grabs the Mexican and throws him out, saying, "We have way to many of these in our country anyways."
XDDD. I never heard that one before.
I'd type a good one i know up, but it's maaaaaaaaaaad long.
Post by: Archem on July 10, 2006, 03:52:18 AM
Post by: MrMister on July 10, 2006, 05:57:17 AM
What do you call a piece of sandpaper in Afghanistan?
A map.
Why did the Romans make straight roads?
So Asians couldn't build corner shops.
What is a misfortune?
A bus full of Jews driving off a cliff into the sea.
What is a disaster?
If they can swim.
What is a Jew's biggest dilemma?
Pork on sale.
How was copper wire invented?
Two Jews fighting over the same penny.
Why did the Jews walk around the desert for 40 years?
They heard that someone dropped a quarter.
Post by: Tomi on July 10, 2006, 10:50:54 AM
Quote
Originally posted by FFL2and3rocks
Why does Michael Jackson like WalMart?
Because boys' pants are half off. :D
Hah, you posted in the last joke thread too. :D
Post by: Emerates on July 11, 2006, 01:01:55 AM
Post by: Bluhman on July 11, 2006, 01:22:18 AM
Post by: Ace of Spades on July 11, 2006, 01:39:52 AM
Ok, a Mexican, a black guy and an American come across a magic lamp and out comes a genie. The genie says that he'll grant each person two wishes. The Mexican wishes all of his people to be rich, and returned to his country. The black guy wishes all of his people rich, and then returned to his country as well. The genie asks the American what he wants, and the American says "The blacks and Mexicans are all out of America? Well uh... guess I'll take a cheeseburger and a Coke."
Post by: Revolution911 on July 11, 2006, 01:52:12 AM
Quote
Originally posted by Ace of Spades
This is probably offensive.
Ok, a Mexican, a black guy and an American come across a magic lamp and out comes a genie. The genie says that he'll grant each person two wishes. The Mexican wishes all of his people to be rich, and returned to his country. The black guy wishes all of his people rich, and then returned to his country as well. The genie asks the American what he wants, and the American says "The blacks and Mexicans are all out of America? Well uh... guess I'll take a cheeseburger and a Coke."
Was funnier on boondock saints.
Post by: coreystranick on July 11, 2006, 01:57:03 AM
That out of the way, I am doing this joke from memory i haven't heard it in the longest time, so I don't think I started it off right but you get the same idea.
A Mexican is waiting to become a citiizen. To past the test he msut use Green,Pink,and Yellow in the same sentence.
So the Mexican says, " The phone go Green,Green,Green;I Pink it up and say 'Yellow'."
Post by: Ace of Spades on July 11, 2006, 01:58:26 AM
Quote
Originally posted by Revolution911
quote: Originally posted by Ace of Spades
This is probably offensive.
Ok, a Mexican, a black guy and an American come across a magic lamp and out comes a genie. The genie says that he'll grant each person two wishes. The Mexican wishes all of his people to be rich, and returned to his country. The black guy wishes all of his people rich, and then returned to his country as well. The genie asks the American what he wants, and the American says "The blacks and Mexicans are all out of America? Well uh... guess I'll take a cheeseburger and a Coke."
Was funnier on boondock saints.
Indeed, had to edit it a bit so as not to be 'too' offensive.
Post by: Emerates on July 11, 2006, 02:11:11 AM
One looks over to the other and says, 'Man, it's hot in here!'
The other says, 'Whoa! A talking muffin!'
---------------------------
If the power of one of Chuck Norris's roundhouse kicks could be harnessed, it could power the entire continent of Australia for 14 minutes.
Post by: Dragoon de Sol on July 11, 2006, 02:22:49 AM
Post by: Meiscool-2 on July 11, 2006, 03:11:21 AM
Quote
Originally posted by Ace of Spades
quote: Originally posted by Revolution911
quote: Originally posted by Ace of Spades
This is probably offensive.
Ok, a Mexican, a black guy and an American come across a magic lamp and out comes a genie. The genie says that he'll grant each person two wishes. The Mexican wishes all of his people to be rich, and returned to his country. The black guy wishes all of his people rich, and then returned to his country as well. The genie asks the American what he wants, and the American says "The blacks and Mexicans are all out of America? Well uh... guess I'll take a cheeseburger and a Coke."
Was funnier on boondock saints.
Indeed, had to edit it a bit so as not to be 'too' offensive.
Why'd ya edit it? The internet is a planet of offenciveness!
Post by: Kinslayer on July 13, 2006, 01:03:15 AM
Patient: "Well, tell me the good one first"
Doctor: "You have 24 hours of life..."
Patient: "How can that possibly be a good new?! What's the bad one?!"
Doctor: "I found about that yesterday".
Post by: PyroAlchemist on July 13, 2006, 01:27:04 AM
Quote
Originally posted by Kinslayer
Doctor: "I have some news for you, one is good and the other is bad..."
Patient: "Well, tell me the good one first"
Doctor: "You have 24 hours of life..."
Patient: "How can that possibly be a good new?! What's the bad one?!"
Doctor: "I found about that yesterday".
Nice nice lol
Post by: Ace of Spades on July 13, 2006, 01:29:24 AM
Quote
Originally posted by Meiscool
quote: Originally posted by Ace of Spades
quote: Originally posted by Revolution911
quote: Originally posted by Ace of Spades
This is probably offensive.
Ok, a Mexican, a black guy and an American come across a magic lamp and out comes a genie. The genie says that he'll grant each person two wishes. The Mexican wishes all of his people to be rich, and returned to his country. The black guy wishes all of his people rich, and then returned to his country as well. The genie asks the American what he wants, and the American says "The blacks and Mexicans are all out of America? Well uh... guess I'll take a cheeseburger and a Coke."
Was funnier on boondock saints.
Indeed, had to edit it a bit so as not to be 'too' offensive.
Why'd ya edit it? The internet is a planet of offenciveness!
Well, I for one am not keen on using some of its choice words.
Post by: Weerd Thing on July 13, 2006, 02:38:38 AM
Doctor: Can you tell me where?
Patient: Right here *points to leg* OW! And here *points to arm* OW! And everywhere else!
Doctor: Hmm... I believe you have a broken finger.
W££rd
Post by: Revolution911 on July 14, 2006, 12:30:38 AM
Quote
Originally posted by Ace of Spades
quote: Originally posted by Meiscool
quote: Originally posted by Ace of Spades
quote: Originally posted by Revolution911
quote: Originally posted by Ace of Spades
This is probably offensive.
Ok, a Mexican, a black guy and an American come across a magic lamp and out comes a genie. The genie says that he'll grant each person two wishes. The Mexican wishes all of his people to be rich, and returned to his country. The black guy wishes all of his people rich, and then returned to his country as well. The genie asks the American what he wants, and the American says "The blacks and Mexicans are all out of America? Well uh... guess I'll take a cheeseburger and a Coke."
Was funnier on boondock saints.
Indeed, had to edit it a bit so as not to be 'too' offensive.
Why'd ya edit it? The internet is a planet of offenciveness!
Well, I for one am not keen on using some of its choice words.
******.
Post by: Ruler of the Dark on July 14, 2006, 12:38:25 AM
Suprisingly, Bush doubles over onto his desk, clutching head in hands, trembling. After a bit, he calms down and straightens up.
He asks his advisor "Please tell me, how much exactly is a Brazillion?"
Post by: Meiscool-2 on July 14, 2006, 03:38:26 AM
Post by: Beck Skyler on July 14, 2006, 04:01:26 AM
A: All of our best data indicates unequivocally that you would get John Fitzgerald Chicken.
Post by: PyroAlchemist on July 14, 2006, 05:10:39 AM
Quote
Originally posted by Beck Skyler
Q: What would someone like you end up with if, say, for the sake of argument (or more accurately-for the sake of this particular joke), that you were a scientist working in the field of experimental bio-engineering, and you made an erstwhile effort to genetically cross JFK with KFC?
A: All of our best data indicates unequivocally that you would get John Fitzgerald Chicken.
Uh. *scratches head* what? Ah I don't get this at all.
The best joke around. Me =)
Post by: Drace on July 14, 2006, 06:48:12 AM
Q: What do you get when you cross JFK with KFC?
A: John Fitzgerald Chicken.
Post by: GaryCXJk on July 14, 2006, 01:03:27 PM
In more understandable language:
01010100 01100001 01101011 01100101 00100000 01101101 01111001 00100000 01110111 01101001 01100110 01100101 00100000 01110000 01101100 01100101 01100001 01110011 01100101
Post by: Beck Skyler on July 14, 2006, 01:20:53 PM
The Pope, a bear, a rabbi, a pirate, a diplomat, a midget, a woman in a coma, a pelican, and your mom were all relaxing on an Eames chair after a furious fortnight of group hate sex when there was a sound at the door. "Knock-knock" went the sound emanating from the door.
Simultaneously, and without missing a beat, an answer broke like a desperate yowl from the throats of the oigers: "Who's there?"
Like a shot from the butt gun of a pre-radicalized 1920's anarchist, came a response from beyond the door: "Banana."
Faster than a duck could rape a lizard in the mouth, our motley crew of freakazoids, safely ensconced in the luxury of their designer seatlery, shook their heads and bleated as a unit, "Orange you glad we've already heard this joke and so shan't be participating (unless of course you are offering substantial financial renumeration)" There was no reply from the other side of the door, save this: One absolute rascal of a fart.
Post by: Archem on July 15, 2006, 02:38:22 AM
Quote
Originally posted by Beck Skyler
what the fook? neways heres another one.
The Pope, a bear, a rabbi, a pirate, a diplomat, a midget, a woman in a coma, a pelican, and your mom were all relaxing on an Eames chair after a furious fortnight of group hate sex when there was a sound at the door. "Knock-knock" went the sound emanating from the door.
Simultaneously, and without missing a beat, an answer broke like a desperate yowl from the throats of the oigers: "Who's there?"
Like a shot from the butt gun of a pre-radicalized 1920's anarchist, came a response from beyond the door: "Banana."
Faster than a duck could rape a lizard in the mouth, our motley crew of freakazoids, safely ensconced in the luxury of their designer seatlery, shook their heads and bleated as a unit, "Orange you glad we've already heard this joke and so shan't be participating (unless of course you are offering substantial financial renumeration)" There was no reply from the other side of the door, save this: One absolute rascal of a fart.
0_o FTW?!
Post by: FFL2and3rocks on July 15, 2006, 03:02:26 AM
The three guys agree and are sent back down to Earth.
So they're walking down the street and the Italian guy sees a pizzaria. "Oh, maybe just one slice," he says. He walks into the pizzaria, and poof, he disappears!
Now the Jewish guy and the gay guy are walking down the street. The Jewish guy stops and says "Hey look, a quarter!" So he bends over to pick it up and poof, the gay guy disappears!
Post by: Archem on July 15, 2006, 04:18:21 AM
Post by: PyroAlchemist on July 15, 2006, 04:29:28 AM
Quote
Originally posted by Archem2
FFL, that was brilliant.
Indeed lol.
Post by: Drace on July 15, 2006, 08:29:22 AM
Post by: Tomi on July 15, 2006, 10:24:21 AM
Post by: Big_Duke on July 19, 2006, 12:02:10 AM
Merry Christmas
Post by: Drace on July 19, 2006, 05:56:38 AM
Quote
Originally posted by Big_Duke
*Farts*
Merry Christmas
Best joke ever, Big Duke's 'humour'.
Post by: Gary on July 19, 2006, 06:25:22 AM
Quote
Originally posted by Drace
quote: Originally posted by Big_Duke
*Farts*
Merry Christmas
Best joke ever, Big Duke's 'humour'.
Indeed >_<
Post by: Emerates on July 19, 2006, 12:21:14 PM
-------------------------
That's not possible.
Post by: neb87 on July 19, 2006, 12:33:02 PM
Wait nvm, sh!t...
Post by: drenrin2120 on July 19, 2006, 02:41:43 PM
*laugh cue*
jk mate
Post by: Meiscool-2 on July 19, 2006, 03:11:54 PM
Quote
Originally posted by Big_Duke
*Farts*
Merry Christmas
Everytime you post, charas dies a little inside.
Post by: Almeidaboo on July 19, 2006, 03:32:30 PM
Quote
Originally posted by Meiscool
quote: Originally posted by Big_Duke
*Farts*
Merry Christmas
Everytime you post, charas dies a little inside.
2nd best post ever by you MIC...
Post by: Tomi on July 19, 2006, 05:34:38 PM
Quote
Originally posted by Meiscool
quote: Originally posted by Big_Duke
*Farts*
Merry Christmas
Everytime you post, charas dies a little inside.
So far we have died a little 1048 times. Please, think of the kittens (oooog)
Post by: Razor on July 19, 2006, 11:09:25 PM
Post by: Archem on July 19, 2006, 11:11:10 PM
Post by: Almeidaboo on July 20, 2006, 01:09:43 PM
Post by: charaman on July 20, 2006, 01:53:32 PM