Charas-Project

Off-Topic => All of all! => Topic started by: Zerlina on October 20, 2006, 02:30:11 AM

Title: Self-Esteem
Post by: Zerlina on October 20, 2006, 02:30:11 AM

I saw this video on youtube ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=knEIM16NuPg ) and it made me wonder about self-esteem.

I'm kind of curious. How does everyone feel about themselves? Appearance and personality-wise. Are there times when you feel confident or not? Do you feel like the media has a big impact on you or not? Do you wish you could change?

I wonder about this, because I've done several projects on the influence of the media on youth. It's always been something that interested me, mostly because I have had battles with low self-esteem, but also because I know so many people who are going through the same thing. There is so much emphasis put on beauty/good looks (yes this is something that is unchangable as it's for the most part natural), and in the current time it seems more like a sort of "artifical" beauty is promoted as being perfection. The only way to possibly achieve the ideals that are put forth by the media is through surgery, or constant makeup application.

I can honestly say that I can see girls as young as 10 experiencing problems with this. It's sad when there are girls in elementary school who complain that they're too fat.

I've noticed, as well, a lot of the focus is on girls. But what about guys? I guess it's a largely male population on charas, so even more I wonder what you think about everything. Is it more the media or other people around you who most influence your self-esteem?

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For me, I find that the media does have an impact. I think it actually does on everyone whether they admit it or not. I guess it must be less-so for guys, but flipping through magazines or seeing ads on the subway always makes me feel really self-concious and in a way it makes my flaws more obvious (at least to me). I guess this means that the ads are doing their job, because they're designed to make you feel inadequate, right?

I've gotten a bit better, but I remember how when I was 12 body image was a really big issue. I guess that's the age when you're first noticing magazines and ads on the subway/street/wherever. I still remember how I used to brush my teeth with the lights off because I was so afraid to look in the mirror.

I think even now I have trouble with the way that people perceive me. This year has been mostly positive, but at the same time there are moments when people say things to bring you down. For some reason one negative comment always seems to outweigh 10 positive ones.

Something else I've noticed is that wearing makeup usually makes you feel worse about yourself, since it comes with a sort of...artificial quality to it. It's almost like you're wearing a mask, and the person you're presenting to the world isn't anything like yourself at all. For a while I couldn't leave the house without covering up my face, even though I never had a problem with acne etc. Even though it didn't serve much of a purpose, it made me feel better because I knew people couldn't actually see me. I've stopped now, but I find that for a lot of people this keeps going and they are constantly at odds with their own appearances.

To be completely honest I think right now something I'm trying to control is my perception of my weight/body fat. I was moved to a new dance class recently where the girls are extremely thin. At first it didn't bother me but as classes go by I feel more and more out of place. When I see ads of girls who are unrealistically thin even though I know that it's artificial I still feel bad about myself. I find lately my thoughts are getting less healthy, though I think I am able to keep these as thoughts and not actions.  I'm just thankful that I have more awareness on the subject and am able to push away that feeling of accomplishment when I go to sleep hungry.



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So again I repeat- any comments on the state of beauty today? Self-esteem? Any stories or opinions on the subject?

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Post by: Linkizcool on October 20, 2006, 03:00:01 AM

Don't worry bout being too fat. Some girls are too thin, and they still think theyre fat. Me being a guy, i think it's better to be in between.

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Post by: I Have a Sandwich on October 20, 2006, 03:24:30 AM

To be honest, I don't give a flying **** what you think about me. I is what I am, so deal. So I don't really have a self-esteem problem.

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Post by: DragonBlaze on October 20, 2006, 03:31:56 AM

My self esteem is pretty good. I am hardly ever down. I think the last time I was down was when my ex gf dumped me a couple of months ago, when I was taking her home one day, she said she wanted to talk to me about something, and immedialy said "its not a bad or anything". She said that she was really buisy and just wanted to take a brake from dating, but not break up or anything. I was fine with that, but yeah, weeks down the line, I had to hear it from my friends that we were through. But yeah, it didn't take too long for me to get over it...

Anywayz, 3 or 4 years ago, I was down all the time. It lasted for a whole year and a half, until I was finally able to 'figure out who I was', now, as long as I know who I am, its really hard for someone else to put me down for anything.

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Post by: FFL2and3rocks on October 20, 2006, 03:54:31 AM

I'm usually pretty happy, I'm not down very often.
I've never worried about what people think of me. If someone cracks a mean joke about me or something, who the hell cares?

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Post by: Prpl_Mage on October 20, 2006, 04:28:38 AM

Well long story short, I got no soul. That is if a soul is a personality and feelings. I got none of them.

Without any kind of personality I can easily change after the situation... And that´s probably why everyone thinks I´m a psycho. One moment I can be like al quiet and then talk for hours. Guess it really have something to do with self-esteem but still.
If someone says something mean? In my head that is just words. if anyone gives me critic, still just words. But unfortuable any praise that I get is also just words.

So I never get offended really, and never feeling on top of the world either wich I guess makes me just ignore any kind of self-esteem.

How do I act most of the time in school? Just the though type that doesn´t say anything exept to friends.
But all my friends are real game-freaks. So therefore I sometimes(most of the time actually) bully them, they don´t take what I say seriusly anyway and if I didn´t do it, someone else would and that would be worse.

Ok back on topic, what do I wear most of the time? Sweaters and just ordinary trousers, nothing special. I just melt in with everyone else.

So well, a quick summary, I don´t care for insults; don´t affect me, bullying doesn´t work; can´t get offended, don´t care what I wear as long as it´s comfty and just, I melt in to good to be noticed.

Btw, about your look at media. Guys got the same problem, but we don´t see thin men. We see men with a six-pack and lots of muscles insteed, better? Nah. People around is all like "hey let´s go to the gym after school and get som exercise, gotta work on those biceps!" and stuff like that. But why? After some thinking I came up with the understanding that they do it to get girls. But why?
Well why do men choose a thin girl over a larger one most of the time? First of all, the media, they see thin girls so they believe that thin is the ordinary shape for women. And then there is the group pressure, they doesn´t want to tell their friends that they are going out with a larger girl, and why is that? Well easily because they too think that girls should be thin and they´ll just insult you or the girl if she is larger.

And I guess it is the same thing with girls, who would you choose (by apearence) a thin guy or a muscular guy? I believe that they prefer the muscular one, and why is that? Well I guess it is the "dependence factor" that girls wants someone that can stand up and protect them. But it is mostly the same thing as with guys I guess, they see muscular guys in movies, adds and papers so thats what´s normal to them.  And I guess it takes alot to want a thin/girly guy, they are most probably involved in playing too much games or just... I dunno actually.
I think I should stop writing now... I´ve shared my point of viev at least.

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Post by: Drace on October 20, 2006, 09:40:25 AM

My self-esteem is like... at an unhealthy amount. 150% to be precise. I think of my self as a sexgod and 'too sexy for my pants'. I'm confident with what I do and say and really don't give a rat's arse for what others think. I am me, accept it or talk to the hand.

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Post by: Osmose on October 20, 2006, 09:49:08 AM

I am freaking awesome. There are some better than me, but they are few and far between.

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Post by: WarxePB on October 20, 2006, 11:24:17 AM

For about half of my life, I had huge self-esteem problems. It's not a full-blown depression, but especially the last two years, it was so bad that I would skip school for like a week at a time. But in the past few months, I've been faring better - I think getting a job has helped a lot, as has becoming more social.

But yeah, it's hard not to be affected by things you see - even if you claim to be ignorant to that kind of stuff, I'm sure that you wouldn't not feel inadequate when you saw some huge ripped guy or ultrathin woman.

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Post by: Cosmos on October 20, 2006, 01:33:45 PM

Low for me. Ir's been like that since before I started high school. Then I found some real honest friends, and it's starting to build. There are times when I'm down but after finding someone to make me laugh I'm fine again. *shrugs* There were times when I thought I wasn't pretty at all, but now I don't think that.  :happy:

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Post by: Kinslayer on October 20, 2006, 02:52:40 PM

Well, 'bout my image I'm not so sure, but I don't like giving a dime. Call me foolish or innocent, but I'm a "what's inside matters" guy (that's costed me a few dissapointments, but it doesn't really matter).

This is a world in which the mass media have a strong influence around everything, from image to politics. Even if you don't try to follow the media, you'll still be following it, by doing things that are suppossedly the opposite.

I'm confident depending on the situation, sometimes I am direct, sometimes not, but still people consider me strong, for standing up for my beliefs. Some have told me to "back off a little, you're TOO direct " xD.

Beauty is really relative, it's an idea that has changed in time. If you worry about beauty in this shallow todays you'll end up being a worrier, just chill out and wait for that someone who thinks about what really matters: the thought, the intelligence, the love (that sounded pathetic, but who cares :p?), that's what I think.

Wow that was long, amigos!

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Post by: Drace on October 20, 2006, 06:10:36 PM

Quote

Originally posted by Kinslayer
Well, 'bout my image I'm not so sure

Dude, I've seen pictures of you. I think ya look cool. I wouldn't bang you, but I'm a dude and liek bewbs + pagine =)

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Post by: Meiscool-2 on October 20, 2006, 06:25:31 PM

I've got better self esteem then all of you.

Need proof? *looks at user name*

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Post by: emiiru on October 20, 2006, 07:05:13 PM

All of those responses made me smile.  I am deeply in love with myself, and if I woke up to another life right about now it would piss me off.  Obviously I can't feel this way all the time. Ups and downs, whatever.

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Post by: Linkizcool on October 20, 2006, 07:23:14 PM

I have no reason to doubt myself. I got rejected on a date a few weeks ago, but Im not sad about it because I know the reason she didn't want to go out with me, and its not because she didn't like me. And shes more beautiful than any model/actress with or without makeup.

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Post by: Meiscool-2 on October 20, 2006, 07:35:37 PM

I asked a girl out and she didn't deny me.

Then, I told her I was just asking her to see if she'd say yes or not and she got depressed.

That's how cool I am.

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Post by: Archem on October 20, 2006, 07:40:14 PM

I have really low self-esteem, but I have a bunch of ways of compensating with it.

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Post by: Bluhman on October 20, 2006, 07:40:45 PM

I has something against egotism, so I usually try to keep my self image realistic. 'Kay?

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Post by: Cosmos on October 20, 2006, 09:05:55 PM

Quote

Originally posted by Meiscool
I asked a girl out and she didn't deny me.

Then, I told her I was just asking her to see if she'd say yes or not and she got depressed.

That's how cool I am.

XD!!

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Post by: Revolution911 on October 20, 2006, 09:44:24 PM

Meiscool cries everynight before he sleeps. He knows why.


My self esteem is awesome. Infact I dont even know how some of you arent going crazy KNOWING that I'm not on your bed waiting for you. Looking at you, Sandwich.

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Post by: Shady Ultima on October 20, 2006, 09:46:49 PM

Mine tends to fluctuate heavily.

Sometimes I'll look at myself and be like, damn, I am one sexy beast. But then other days, I'll think I'm ugly, it's kinda weird, but meh.

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Post by: Ace of Spades on October 20, 2006, 09:55:36 PM

Mine is good, overall. I've had situations where I felt really crappy about myself, and appearance and whatnot. That's why I've been working out for the past few months. :p I'm pretty much good with who I am though.

Title: It depends
Post by: aboutasoandthis on October 20, 2006, 10:54:36 PM

Sometimes I'm up, sometimes I'm down. I'm just optimistic. I don't try to avoid a problem. I confront it even if it means a fight or something bad. My logic is, it'll get better get over it.

I kinda promised myself to never keep my head down.

There are a lot of fights up here. I've never really lost a fight. The person can't really try to kill you. The most they can do is try to humiliate you, usually by making them throw up or bleed. I've never been seriously humiliated by someone else, I do it to myself. I end up just laughing it off.

I admit I'm kinda fat. You wouldn't notice it unless you knew me when I was a kid. I was OBESE. Now, I'm maybe 10 pounds from not being overweight. Even I have had 2 girlfriends and have been on a couple dates. So if  I can do that anyone  can.

I've never really been attracted to really skinny girls. I remember knowing this one who was skinny. She didn't notice me. I didn't notice her.  Big deal. One day for Speech, she admitted how she used to be anorexic (if I spelled that right). She's getting better now. About a week after that, we went out a couple times. It was fun, but it didn't last. Now she's a good friend of mine.

I guess I just like a deep person. I'm not really depressed or anything. I've never binged on drugs or something. I've never skipped school even though I knew a lot who did. I just learned to deal with stuff.

As for the body weight thing, just stay healthy. I try to stay healthy, but it sucks that I don't have a gym or something I can go to. All I've got is PE and a Backboard on my driveway. :P When I have the time and the money, I'll lose a little somethin to get healthy. I'm pretty strong anyways. :p

My dad is a diabetic. No it is not the end of the world for him. He can eat whatever he wants, just as long as he excersizes. He lost 60 pounds, he doesn't smoke, and he doesn't drink as much as he used to.

Well, that's pretty much it. Turned out to be a long post. I'm not as confident as I wanna be, but I wanna say "Just be confident."

EDIT
Which reminds me. I've had a few modeling and acting offers. I didn't really go after them. It's not my thing.

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Post by: Linkizcool on October 20, 2006, 11:51:03 PM

Meis, that was very mean.

I used to be very chubby, then skinny. Now I have some good muscle, and a bit in between.

The girl who wouldn't go out with me isn't shallow, she just doesn't know me as much as she would like to. She also doesn't really want to date, but I guess I did know her better at that time, she would have said yes. That being said, were good friends now, and if I waited until now, she probably would have said yes. Oh well. Eventually something'll work out.

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Post by: Emerates on October 21, 2006, 12:13:58 AM

I am actually ugly.  That's not low self-esteem, that's acne, that is.  If that ever clears up, I'll be smexier than Drace.....  lol.

Most my life, I've had incredibly low self-esteem, because I've had a kind of mild depression that grew steadily worse until I was about 15.  That started when I was about.... 6.  Also, I find that I often validate myself through whether I am important to or accepted by other people, and if I'm not, I feel really low and shyte.  As you can imagine, I feel that way a lot, being the total loser I am......  [/SARCASM]

I'm also kinda paranoid and draw unwarranted conclusions about things that might not even exist.  I'm pretty ****ed up in the head, to be sure.

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Post by: Pixelmaster on October 21, 2006, 12:19:08 AM

My self esteem sucks! I think im fat sometimes even though Im 14 and way 101pnds, I dress dark and act crazy sometimes but act dark or completly crazy and happy and walk up to mail men and ask "Do mailmen deliver there own mail, or are there mailmen for mailmen?" and crazy **** like that, but others I'll get pissed and if someone says something that pisses me off I'll whip a plate at them. I have to take pills this lowers my self esteem a lot, because I think that Im like some loser who cant control himself, and sometimes I'll stay on the comp for 34 hours (I did this once) to avoid getting pissed. One of the things that make me feel the lowest is when people treat me like a special kid I'M NO F*CKING DIFFERENT AND NEITHER IS ANY ONE OVERWEIGHT OR ANYTHING!!! THE WORLD IS FUCKED UP BECAUSE OF ALL OF THIS **** OF MODELS WEIGHING 40 POUNDS!!

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Post by: Revolution911 on October 21, 2006, 12:26:07 AM

u r so goffik

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Post by: Cosmos on October 21, 2006, 12:45:23 AM

Oook...?

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Post by: I Have a Sandwich on October 21, 2006, 12:49:32 AM

Quote

Originally posted by Revolution911
Meiscool cries everynight before he sleeps. He knows why.


My self esteem is awesome. Infact I dont even know how some of you arent going crazy KNOWING that I'm not on your bed waiting for you. Looking at you, Sandwich.

Why must you read my mind constantly?

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Post by: Pixelmaster on October 21, 2006, 01:34:11 AM

What you mean Goffik?! The biggest gothic thing about me is my name Xavier Alistar Ulrich (Not related to Lars but I wish I was)

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Post by: Cosmos on October 21, 2006, 01:37:04 AM

Quote

Originally posted by Pixelmaster
My self esteem sucks! I think im fat sometimes even though Im 14 and way 101pnds, I dress dark and act crazy sometimes but act dark or completly crazy and happy and walk up to mail men and ask "Do mailmen deliver there own mail, or are there mailmen for mailmen?" and crazy **** like that, but others I'll get pissed and if someone says something that pisses me off I'll whip a plate at them. I have to take pills this lowers my self esteem a lot, because I think that Im like some loser who cant control himself, and sometimes I'll stay on the comp for 34 hours (I did this once) to avoid getting pissed. One of the things that make me feel the lowest is when people treat me like a special kid I'M NO F*CKING DIFFERENT AND NEITHER IS ANY ONE OVERWEIGHT OR ANYTHING!!! THE WORLD IS ****** UP BECAUSE OF ALL OF THIS **** OF MODELS WEIGHING 40 POUNDS!!

The bold stuff leads to that idea..?

The rest screams crazy person... I'm jokin.. <.<

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Post by: I Have a Sandwich on October 21, 2006, 02:17:43 AM

Quote

Originally posted by Midnight

quote:

Originally posted by Pixelmaster My self esteem sucks! I think im fat sometimes even though Im 14 and way 101pnds, I dress dark and act crazy sometimes but act dark or completly crazy and happy and walk up to mail men and ask "Do mailmen deliver there own mail, or are there mailmen for mailmen?" and crazy **** like that, but others I'll get pissed and if someone says something that pisses me off I'll whip a plate at them. I have to take pills this lowers my self esteem a lot, because I think that Im like some loser who cant control himself, and sometimes I'll stay on the comp for 34 hours (I did this once) to avoid getting pissed. One of the things that make me feel the lowest is when people treat me like a special kid I'M NO F*CKING DIFFERENT AND NEITHER IS ANY ONE OVERWEIGHT OR ANYTHING!!! THE WORLD IS ****** UP BECAUSE OF ALL OF THIS **** OF MODELS WEIGHING 40 POUNDS!!

The bold stuff leads to that idea..?

The rest screams crazy person... I'm jokin.. <.<

No Mid, it screams emo, and if there's one thing MIC hates, its emos. Pixelmaster, stop being emo. MIC said so.

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Post by: Cosmos on October 21, 2006, 02:32:44 AM

I was gonna say that... but usually emos are trying to kill theirselves, and whine about it. But he didn't, so.. *shrugs*

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Post by: I Have a Sandwich on October 21, 2006, 02:34:01 AM

Just you wait.

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Post by: Fortet on October 21, 2006, 02:35:00 AM

My self-esteem could be better.
Then again, so could my dental hygene :P
I worry about acne everyday because it seems as if I'm the only one with it at my school. Nobody makes fun of me because of it, but it still bothers me.
My hair has always gotten me . . . 'Crazy.' I've tried every length my hair will grow, every style, etc..., but I can never find anything that looks good in my own opinion.
I don't know why I worry about things like this. I'm not a very materialistic person. I guess it comes from media and being a teenager.
Beyond that, I feel great about myself just the way I am.
Man, I sound sort of 'shallow' (out of lack of better term) writing this. . .

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Post by: Drace on October 21, 2006, 07:18:08 AM

Quote

Originally posted by I Have a Sandwich
No Mid, it screams emo, and if there's one thing MIC hates, its emos. Pixelmaster, stop being emo. MIC said so.

MIC IS emo. He should change his name in Meisemo.

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Post by: Shady Ultima on October 21, 2006, 05:21:01 PM

Quote

Originally posted by Pixelmaster
What you mean Goffik?! The biggest gothic thing about me is my name Xavier Alistar Ulrich (Not related to Lars but I wish I was)

You wanna be related to the most hated drummer of all time? The guy who can barely play a basic beat?

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Post by: Drace on October 21, 2006, 06:03:08 PM

Quote

Originally posted by Shady Ultima

quote:

Originally posted by Pixelmaster What you mean Goffik?! The biggest gothic thing about me is my name Xavier Alistar Ulrich (Not related to Lars but I wish I was)

You wanna be related to the most hated drummer of all time? The guy who can barely play a basic beat?

I like Metallica...

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Post by: Meiscool-2 on October 21, 2006, 09:55:41 PM

It's true, I do hate emos.

Also, Drace, you're just jealous that Rev's in my bed instead of yours.

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Post by: Drace on October 21, 2006, 10:33:19 PM

Quote

Originally posted by Meiscool
It's true, I do hate emos.

Also, Drace, you're just jealous that Rev's in my bed instead of yours.

No, not really.

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Post by: Shady Ultima on October 22, 2006, 07:52:30 PM

Quote

Originally posted by Drace

quote:

Originally posted by Shady Ultima quote: Originally posted by Pixelmaster What you mean Goffik?! The biggest gothic thing about me is my name Xavier Alistar Ulrich (Not related to Lars but I wish I was) You wanna be related to the most hated drummer of all time? The guy who can barely play a basic beat?

I like Metallica...

I like Metallica too, but their drummer sucks balls.