Post by: Meiscool-2 on February 09, 2007, 09:48:03 PM
Judges - Meiscool - gemini - Rowan
I liked reading stories wrote by people in the last contest, so I figured I would make a second type of contest where the more writing than graphically tallented may show their skills.
The rules are simple. I'll show a few screenshots showing various pictures. It's your job to come up with as creative of a story as possible using one of the pictures. The only thing I require is that you tell me which picture you are using, and that you follow a specific theme in your writing. The theme of this contest is bridges. This means that your writing must somehow tie around a bridge, be it people building a bridge, crossing a bridge, taking one down, ect. Some pictures will be easy to make a story up about bridges, some will be a bit more difficult. I will keep this in mind while I am judging your stories. A few more rules are:
Stories cannot be more than 1000 words. It shouldn't ever get to be more than that, but I'm including it because I don't want to read a freaking huge fable. These are ment to be short stories.
You may only enter one story. If you wish to change your story, you may post a new one. I will only rate the most recent post you made.
If a screenshot has already had a story made about it twice, you cannot use that screenshot. This is made to both pressure you into making your story before others, and to ensure that I'm not reading about the same thing over and over. If all screenshots have been used twice already, you may choose whichever one you want. I will take into consideration which screenshot you use while I'm making my ratings, but a great writer can make anything work :D
If you're planning on making a story for a map and are concerned that the screen will already have been used twice by the time you have finished your story, you can call "Dibs" on the screen. Dibs will stay effective for three hours. After the three hours are up, the screen is fair game again. You may only call Dibs once.
Here are your screenshots to use. Yeah, they're from my game. Deal with it.
#1
#2
#3
#4
Enjoy. If anyone has any suggestions or ideas to make this contest better/flow more, please suggest. This contest was made sorta on an impulse, so some things might seem unplanned or put together funny.
Post by: Rowan on February 09, 2007, 11:26:39 PM
I say this because theres a difference in the other contest and this one when it comes to creating stories. The other one had the user creating the map themselves thus making them more aware on the story behind it and how it ties with their own vision. In this case the maps were already precreated thus limiting the users knowledge a bit on what supposed to be going on.
Post by: Meiscool-2 on February 09, 2007, 11:36:52 PM
For example, on the third screen, there is a broken bridge, some people holding wood, two guys hammering, and a distant background. Someone could make a story about the world's highest bridge, or someone could make a story about a bridge connecting two floating islands. Someone could go deeper and say there was a fight on the bridge and the bridge broke, making the fighters fall to their doom. Legend says that those two fighters and still battling, awaiting their sudden impact with the ground far far below.
I won't hold any bias as to what the screen actually is in my game. I just thought that this would be another cool little contest. I'm thinking of making a spriting contest as well. Of course though, if I have that many contests open at once, I'll have to increase the ammount of time they are open for or else fewer people will enter each contest.
Post by: Rowan on February 09, 2007, 11:42:26 PM
Post by: Ben on February 10, 2007, 01:37:28 AM
EDIT:
Lucas, you should participate anyways. A good story is a good story...Im sure we can overlook the odd lost-in-translation descrepancy. Perhaps write it in Your own language, and use a translator program. Get the ball rolling, as it were.
Post by: Krynth on February 10, 2007, 03:09:32 AM
Personally I like the restrictions it keeps me from doing the same stuff over and over and like said it helps us to be more creative...
So bridges huh?
More a question to myself but still curious...
Can the bridge be some form of symbolism or does it have to do with an actual bridge object-wise?
Edit: Alright then cool...I was going to more likely end up writing that way anyhow just wanted to make certain to avoid confusion...
Thnx for clearing that up Gemini!
Post by: Ben on February 10, 2007, 03:40:44 AM
Post by: Meiscool-2 on February 10, 2007, 04:02:22 AM
Post by: coreystranick on February 10, 2007, 04:23:25 AM
Once long ago, the wood elves lived in peace with the wild land animals.
But that all changed when a wood elf awoke Kane, the ancestral being of the land creatures, known to have a horrible demeanor towards anything but his kind.
Kane started a war with the elves. But the elves, being a race of peace, were massacred by the ferocious beasts.
In turn they looked up, to the trees, their only save bet from these vile creatures. Now they walk along bridges that string the trees together so that the elves do not go the ground below.
Visitors rarely visit this land, because it is said that Kane still reigns deep in the forest, where the elves’ bridges dare not go.
Are you ready to go where those bridges dare not?
Post by: coasterkrazy on February 10, 2007, 04:31:36 AM
Post by: Krynth on February 10, 2007, 04:41:33 AM
Quote
Originally posted by Meiscool
I'll allow a symbolic bridge. The screens don't leave a whole lot of room for something like that, so I'm kinda interested as to what you might be making.
Provided I get the chance (should be back Sun. afternoon) I'll see what I can do and make sure it does'nt look rushed and all but with my style it may look it even if I do have time...
So yea I'll think of something while I'm gone, so yea gonna give the 2nd one a shot first since it doesnt have a bridge at all..(unless I'm blind and there is one)
Post by: MrMister on February 10, 2007, 12:07:20 PM
Post by: Ben on February 10, 2007, 05:53:47 PM
Post by: coasterkrazy on February 10, 2007, 06:16:40 PM
Also, this isn't just a background story, correct? Because I'm writing this as a third-person story where the screen is just something that could be an illustration of it.
Oh, btw, I see plenty of room for a symbolic bridge. ;)
Post by: Meiscool-2 on February 10, 2007, 06:19:53 PM
And yes, MrMister's story does count.
Post by: Grandy on February 10, 2007, 07:57:03 PM
EDIT:
It is written in the ancient Tome of Faith that once, before the first man was born, a bridge was built to conect the World of Gods and the World of Here. However, Lazgrael, the God of Solitude, didn't want to be bothered by those pesky little creatures. He then layed a curse in the bridge and those who built it: They would never finish constructing, but, at night, all of what was constructed would burn down.
Years passed by, and the workers, already hopeless, constructed again and again, and all to the next day find it burned.
The families of the workers died, or ran away fearing that the curse of Lazgrael would fall on them, the area eventually became deserted, the houses were consumed by the plants, and eventually a forest was born, but not even birds would dare to fly there, nor bugs would crawl under the leaves.
The only things that's still there are the workers, or that what remains of them, hopeless, ageless people, forever forgotten by those around them.
Few adventurers went there, and those who did, either didn't saw the workers, or where completell horrorized, enought to never go back to that cursed land again.
The forest was eventually erased from all maps in the world, and no one knows where it is. Unless, of course, for those who lose themselves and find it.
The workers, indiferent to time or what happens around them, can only keep working.
*re-reads*
...
...
Okay, some parts didn't make sense, but hell, I had to make it bridge-ish, didn't I?
Post by: coasterkrazy on February 10, 2007, 08:47:47 PM
Before I start, just letting you know that Sara and Sam are the two people closest to the river in the screenshot (they're facing each other).
“Crossing”
Sara stared into the river. The thick raindrops pierced the thin surface of the water. Its rapids were somehow alluring to her, but she could not quite put her finger on it. It was as though the majesty of its water held her mind in captivity. Her meditation was interrupted when Sam approached her.
“It’s getting late,” he said. “We need to hurry up if we want to finish this bridge by tomorrow. So many possibilities lie across that river.”
“I don’t know,” Sara replied. “Something just doesn’t seem right here. I mean, every time we start to make some progress, the water somehow sweeps away the planks. It’s almost like the river has a mind of its own.”
“I’m so sick of hearing this from you,” Sam snapped. “Why did you even bother coming if you don’t care acquiring the treasures on the other side? That’s what we’re here for. Why else would anyone want to trek further into this sickening forest?”
Sara had no answer to this question, and at that, Sam walked away.
“I… I just wanted to come see the river again,” Sara said to herself.
She never had many opportunities to come this far into the forest, so she took every chance she could get to see the river. It seemed to be crying to her, as though it needed help and she was the only one who could listen. Sara found it odd that no one had ever crossed the river before. The legend about it is that it sweeps away everyone who tries to pass, washing away their greed in its torrent. Those people and their vanity would then fall down the waterfall toward their watery graves.
Sara could never understand why this tale didn’t frighten Sam away from trying to cross the river. “It’s just a stupid story made to keep me away from whatever’s on the other side,” he would say. Sara never did tell Sam how she felt. She knew he would just laugh at her and think her ideas were pathetic. She had given up on attempting to convince Sam that it was too dangerous a while back.
Sam and Sara had been good friends since their childhood days. Lately, however, Sam seemed to be acting strange. He had not seemed to care about much anymore. Sara felt that the only thing he cared about anymore was being someone special. He could never just live simply as he used to; he always had to show off.
After several more failed attempts at laying down the first few planks for the bridge, Sam decided to call it a night.
“Alright, everyone,” Sam called to the crew. “It will probably be easier to do this tomorrow morning, in the daylight, when it has stopped raining.”
The four workers put down their tools and boards and set up camp.
That night, after everyone else was asleep, Sara swore she could here a preternatural voice outside. It sounded distressed, and she could almost make out her name in the echoes of its moans. She didn’t dare tell anyone about this, for some had already thought she was insane, and she did not want any more painful accusations just because of her feelings.
The next morning, the workmen had once again started to build the bridge. As they were working, Sam noticed something.
“Wait,” he said. “It seems every time we get around this far, the river sweeps away the boards. Instead of continuing, let’s stop now. I’m going to jump over the rest of the gap.”
Everyone gasped. It was not an easy jump, but it seemed possible.
“Sam!” she exclaimed. “You’ll never make it! Please don’t do it!”
But Sam didn’t even hear her words. He stepped back to get the best running start he could, ran to the end of the planks and jumped. At that moment, time seemed frozen as he was suspended in the air between the bridge and the other side. He had made a good jump. It looked like he was going to make it, but he was pulled down, as though it was the will of the river not to let him cross. Some supernatural gravity that the river seemed to create dragged him down into the water. At that moment, Sam’s mind changed. He had remembered his forgotten values, and was purified by the raging water.
“Sara… I’m sorry,” he said as he was washed away. “Forgive me…”
Sara could not bear the pain this brought her, and impulsively jumped after him. But the river protected her. It carried her across on an ethereal wind. After she was on the other side, she stared back at the workmen, tears in her eyes. They stared at her incredulously, and slowly backed away, with words unable to describe how they felt. They fled out of a mix of fear and shock.
It was only then that Sara fully understood. This was more than a river; it was a spiritual gateway. It had carried a pure maiden over its treachery and had purified the impure through death. They had both crossed over their individual bridges, but only through tragedy could this happen. Sara turned and walked deeper into the forest, never to be heard from again.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hm... turned out a bit more predictable than I had hoped, and I kind of feel like I explained too much instead of leaving more open for interpretation (which is the purpose of symbols really), but I guess I'm happy with it.
Post by: Moosetroop11 on February 10, 2007, 09:13:32 PM
"GWAA HAA HAA!"
The pompus man strode up to the two individuals leaning on the rail. They had been gazing out onto the destruction that littered that summer morning- the flood had taken everything. Homes, grain, even lives. It had been a bad one.
Now the peaceful atmousphere generated by the gentle ripples of the water were disturbed only by the construction master's over the top performance.
"Resting on the job? HA HAA, we'll have none of that. You'll learn to love your work, boy. And Jass, you should know better! Setting a poor example for the lad!"
"I'm sorry sir" stammered Jass, brushing her pretty red hair out of her eyes and spinning to face her employer. "We haven't recieved enough wood from the project yet. Work has rather ground to a halt."
The Pompous man's name was Eric; a balding, rotund man who had been put in charge of this part of the project. The job was simple- in gelder city, areas that flooded stayed flooded for months. The ground was too near sea level, a fault of the short sighted architects and founders. Now, every couple of years, a big flood would leave the tops of homes stranded by water, and makeshift bridges were built to allow residents to move to and fro. He cuffed the young woman playfully around the head.
"Come on. There must be some wood somewhere."
Further on, still by the waterside, a game was being played. Children would line up and jump into the floodwater, each leap a more impressive display of twists, whoops and somersaults. But now the game had changed. A child had found an orb that sparkled beautifully in the sun, doubtless a posession of one that had been taken by the flood. Now the children threw it to and fro, and harmlessly fought over it, a series of splashes and arm tugs. One would eventually go running to their ever-enduring parents, crying with some half truth story and a bleeding nose perhaps, but for now they were happy.
And the sounds and smells of that part of the city were quite different from the tranquility the workers were experiencing! Stalls were set up, taking advantage of the sunken resturaunts and lost supplies, offering lunch to the townfolk. The air buzzed with the feeling of temporary change, like a holiday to the seaside. Even those not affected ventured out of their homes to mingle with the victims, hearing stories and sympathising. There was little crying to be found, such was the routine nature of the flooding. Music floated across the crystal clear water, minstrels finding a little more change for their efforts than they might have on other days.
A small rowing boat travelled past at a leasurely pace, the man inside smiling at the shards of conversation he picked up, and the miniature stories he had become privy to. The city was so alive today, he thought. So much more so thanks to the death of a few flood victims.
Post by: Meiscool-2 on February 12, 2007, 04:01:43 PM
Post by: Glitch on February 12, 2007, 04:26:17 PM
A young man and a young woman stand near a downed bridge. The woman lets out a sigh.
"So they finally decided to fix the old downed bridge huh?"
The young man turns to look at her and says, "Yeah, they are... does it still bother you when you think about it?" he then put his free hand in his pockets and looks at the bridge once more.
"It did for a while, I mean, losing both my parents on the same day like that... I didn't think I'd ever get over it." She said, her face taking on a sorrowful look as she recalled the painful events of the year before. "There were times... times when I... came to this bridge and al-almost..." She stopped suddenly, tears coming to her eyes.
"It's alright." The young man consoled her as he turned to her, dropping the planks of wood in his hand, and held her in his arms. "It's over now, and I doubt your parents would want you always moping about it."
She stepped back out of his grip and wiped the tears from her eyes. "You're right." She said, giving him a semi-convincing smile. She stepped a little closer to the edge, admiring how fast the workers were completing this bridge. "You better get back to work." She said.
The young man nodded while picking up the planks of wood he had dropped, his back to the woman. He stood up and turned around to say goodbye to her. Without realizing it though, when turning around he had accidently hit her in the back with the wood, causing her to lose balance.
"Emily!" He screamed as he rushed forward to stop her from falling. His hands reached out to grab thin air as she fell away from his grasp. The workers nearby had looked up when they heard him yell, just in time to see her falling, and his hand reaching out.
They stared on in horror, not knowing what exactly had happened. It took no more than a few moments for the shock to wear off, and whispers began to be heard. It did not take long for the rumors to spread through the entire village...
Post by: Ben on February 13, 2007, 08:35:46 PM
Anyone?Anymore entries?
Post by: Glitch on February 15, 2007, 01:44:52 AM
(maybe if it's on the main page people will see it or somethin and post stuff)
Post by: Ben on February 15, 2007, 02:44:31 AM
Post by: Meiscool-2 on February 16, 2007, 08:40:45 PM
I'm closing this tomorrow. If anyone plans on making an entry do it now or tell me when you'll be able to and I'll hold the contest open untill then.
Also, a note; NO story editing after the contest is closed. Judges and myself will check the post edited date to make sure that you don't edit them. We do this so that all judges are reading the same story, and none of you change the story after hearing one judge's responce. If any one of us find a post edit date that is greater than the closing post's date, you will be disqualified from the contest. We don't suspect that any of you would do this, but this is a safty measure.
Post by: Ben on February 17, 2007, 11:01:14 PM
Ive pretty much got my sum-it-up written.
Whenever this closes Ill judge away
Post by: Rowan on February 18, 2007, 01:21:06 AM
Quote
Originally posted by gemini
Well, If theres anything I should know about scoring, let me know...
Ive pretty much got my sum-it-up written.
Whenever this closes Ill judge away
Same Im ready when yall are. :D
Post by: A Forgotten Legend on February 18, 2007, 02:05:50 AM
The Flooded City
The sun shone brightly on my face. I was finally going home. As I walk through the gates of the city I notice a bridge had been built in the middle of my city.
"Excuse me, miss?" A red headed girl turned around.
"Yes?" She asked.
"Why is there a bridge in the middle of town?"
"You haven't seen it?" She asked me in a amazed voice.
"Seen what?" As I ask this she pulls me towards the bridge.
"This."
I am staring at the glistening waters hiding the rest of the city. I run over to the bridge. Asking everyone on it how this happened. No one would tell me. It was as if everyone was hiding something. It was as if this happened because of thier doing. I ran back to the red-haired girl.
"When was this bridge built? When was the town flooded with water? Why..." She cuts me off.
"Do you want to know why? Because of you. That is why no one wants to tell you. Because you left, our town was sent underwater. Because of you that bridge was built. Because of you..." This time I cut her off.
"What do you mean?"
"You made this happen, because as you left last year, you decided to goof-off in front of the king's soilders. The soilders went back to the king who ordered this. We built that bridge six months ago because when the soilders came back they just didn't do that," she points to the sea covering the town," they told us that you had betrayed the king. by saying something you shouldn't have, by "making fun" of the king. We built that bridge so when you came back, we had something that we could walk on to throw you off into that new sea we are to call home!"
Two soilders grab me from behind. I am dragged over to the bridge, struggling, crying, and screaming "Why is this happening to me!".
As I plunge into the warm water, I sink down until the people above cannot see me anymore. I am becoming colder as I sink farther down. I hit the bottom, my eyes close, I begin to cry again, and in a matter of secinds I fall into an eternal slumber. Goodbye my city.
There! That was a harder one to come up with something about a bridge for. I like my story. Do you?
Post by: Meiscool-2 on February 18, 2007, 04:50:12 AM
Once he posts, or if one day has passed sence this post, you may begin your reviews. Please review them by giving them points based on the system below. A max of ten points can be made.
4 max points for how well the story matches the screenshot
2 max points for content (as in, how good the story is, its moral if its got one, ect. ALSO, rate word usage, vocabulary, and grammar in here.)
2 max points for interest factor of the story (if it bored you or if it kept you wanting more)
1 point for length. (If it's a short story, like only a paragraph, it doesn't get this point)
People who used screenshots 2 and 4 get an extra bonus point, because there is no actual bridge in them. People who chose to use screenshots 1 and 3 can get a max of 3 points in the content, portion, instead of the normal 2. This adds up to a total of ten possible points, as said above.
Now, I realize this means that several stories could have a score of a perfect ten. So judges, if more than one story comes up with a score of ten, please note your personal favorite of the stories and your second favorite. This will help me decide the winner should a tie arise.
EDIT: Also, when posting your scores of the stories, please give a little C&C. Everyone loves C&C:p
Post by: Krynth on February 18, 2007, 04:58:44 AM
Before the Flood-
(I've jumped at certain times of the day and changed characters...so I've told you the time of the day and who the characters are in that scene to help explain whats going on and tie it all together in the last scene...)
Early Morning Scene 1- (A male commoner and female royalty)
"Are you sure this is the right thing to do?" He stood there looking out the window for just a brief moment before turning to look into her fearful eyes... "I told you the only way the two of us will ever be together is if I do this..." Still she stood there with doubt but longing to bring an end to it all nodded... "It's just...well what if this is the last time I see you?" The man sighs and then goes to her and holds her tightly looking into her eyes... "Look everthing is going to be alright I promise and the next day both the lower corridors and upper corridors will be one!" Still with fear of never seeing him again she gives... Gently she places a hand against his cheek and stroke the scar on his face before kissing him for the last time and says her good-bye. He then turns and leaves out the window...
Night Scene 2- (Man returning home after several years of adventuring)
The coming night when all were asleep a shadow had lurked with in the lower corridors of town. A resident he once was but now a stranger to the town he once grew up in and had left. The heavens were blackened and lightning seemed to strike every other second but it had not yet started to rain. Though unable to see clearly he walked without torch-light noticing the many changes that had become since he had left...
A gushed of cold wind bit at the man causing him to pull his cape closer to keep warm. The tavern was not too far from what he remembered and soon he'll be drinking ale next to the fireplace...
Night still Scene 3- (Male Commoner from scene 1 and Man from previous scene Tavern)
"Tonight is the night!" A man with a scar across his face said more to himself than to anyone in particular. He raises his glass and guzzels his drink before slamming it down on the bar...
"Hey watch it there! Thats gonna be costing ye some copper if I find it broken..."
"Ah dont ye be whining...soon what is two will be one!" The barkeeper just stares at the man and watches as he leaves for the front door. (Outside) The cloaked man pulls back his hood and looks up when he hears the sounds of laughter and music. The tavern was not far from sight. He begins to open the front door just as a man walks out runnng into him. "Hey! Watch it now..." said the cloaked man. He notices for a brief second the man had a scar on his right cheek before he passes on by without a word in a hurry drunk.
Going to the bar the cloaked man sits and orders a drink before turning around to gaze at the singer on stage. "Did I hear what I think I just did?" whispered a blonde haired woman. A party of two sat at a nearby table... "Aye I believe ye did! I heard the same thing." whispered a red haired woman who sat across. "So before
that poor sod finished off his ale had he mentioned something about joining what is two and make it one?" whispered the blond hair woman. "Aye he did!" whispered the red haired woman. "Is'nt he the same man who has been making fun of the the king?" "That he is! None other than that there has been word out that he sent the king a letter about flooding the town!" *woman gasps*
"Here you go sir..." The cloaked man turns around then thanks the bar keeper before going taking his drink to his room for the night...
Post by: Ben on February 18, 2007, 05:19:29 AM
Coreystranick
The whole thing was pretty short. Granted, your submisson was first submitted, but I would have liked a bit more substance. Like...Verbal Bacon. Its tasted good...But there was only like, One strip of verbal bacon..So even though it tasted good, there just wasnt enough. I had to go to the pantry and find a dusty box of cereal to eat.
MATCHINGNESSITY 3 /4
CONTENT 1 /2
INTREST FACTOR 1/2
SUBSTANCE 1 /1
BONUS FOR USING #2 OR #4 0 /1
TOTAL 6/10
MrMister
I Liked the part where you Said ' nice' and gave us a smiley show
MATCHINGNESSITY 1 /4
.CONTENT 0 /2
INTREST FACTOR 0 /2
SUBSTANCE 0 /1
BONUS FOR USING #2 OR #4 1 /1
TOTAL 2
Grandy
This Had its cool elemtentsl. I like the whole Cursed Workers thing. For some reason it made me think of 'hotel california'. And then I thought that it would make a neat sub plot of a scene in like, a Tactical Battle Game,but I couldnt help but wonder why the workers kept trying to build it if it burned down every night.
Youd think one of them would get some water on that thing as it was started....
But Ive been told I overthink things.
MATCHINGNESSITY 4 /4
CONTENT 2 /2
INTREST FACTOR 1 /2
SUBSTANCE 0 /1
BONUS FOR USING #2 OR #4 0 /1
TOTAL 7/10
.
Coastercrazy
This was pretty neat. And I agree with you that you may have overexplained. Had the last paragraph not even existed it would have left way more to the imagination.But it was awesomesauce anyhow. I liked that you tried to convey a bit more character detail.
MATCHINGNESSITY 3 /4
CONTENT 2 /2
INTREST FACTOR 2/2
SUBSTANCE 1 /1
BONUS FOR USING #2 OR #4 1/1
TOTAL 9/10
Moosetroop
Dude....this was mondo awesome.
I was diggin' your Diction there. Word choice=Gnarly. You really captured the mood of your screenshot there...And the story left me wanting to "keep playing this game"
I am Happy for your good effort. Full honor. Good Fun.
MATCHINGNESSITY 3 /4
CONTENT 2 /2
INTREST FACTOR 2 /2
SUBSTANCE 1 /1
BONUS FOR USING #2 OR #4 1 /1
TOTAL 9/10
GLitch
I hope this was intended as a comedy. I Thought it was Funny. "It's over now, and I doubt your parents would want you always moping about it." And then he accidentally knocked her to her death. I L'ed right out loud.
MATCHINGNESSITY 3 /4
CONTENT 1/2
INTREST FACTOR 1 /2
SUBSTANCE 1 /1
BONUS FOR USING #2 OR #4 0/1
TOTAL 6/10
.
A Forgotten Legend
Where to start... So...You switched between Past tense narrative, And present tense like it was going out of style.
It didnt really make any sense at all...the flooding and goofing off. The plot was rather inane.
I was hoping that after the first initial foibles, youd at least impress with something thought out (You reposted a completly different story than origonally...Youd think the story would have gotten better...)
MATCHINGNESSITY 2/4
CONTENT .5 /2
INTREST FACTOR .5 /2
SUBSTANCE 1 /1
BONUS FOR USING #2 OR #4 1 /1
TOTAL 5/10
KRYNTH
I like What youve done, with jumping times here...
I would have liked more. But I think thats what was neat about it....It left me wanting more.
I would keep playing this game.
I really like the character development/detail. However, I didnt get much to tie it to the screenshot other than the initial 'flood' reference
MATCHINGNESSITY 2/4
CONTENT 2 /2
INTREST FACTOR 2 /2
SUBSTANCE 1/1
BONUS FOR USING #2 OR #4 1 /1
TOTAL 8 /10
EDIT: MATCHINGNESSITY ......I know its not a word. Dont be the dude who points out the obvious
Post by: Krynth on February 18, 2007, 06:11:49 AM
lol MATCHINGNESSITY not trying to point it out since I didnt think anything of it a till I saw your edit and wouldnt even be saying this if not for the edit but I like that word...
Post by: Glitch on February 18, 2007, 12:48:59 PM
Post by: Moosetroop11 on February 18, 2007, 02:42:59 PM
Post by: Rowan on February 18, 2007, 06:43:31 PM
2 Content: (as in, how good the story is, its moral if its got one, ect. ALSO, rate word usage, vocabulary, and grammar in here.)
2 Interest (if it bored you or if it kept you wanting more)
1 Length:. (If it's a short story, like only a paragraph, it doesn't get this point)
1 Bonus point for using #2 #4
Coreystranick:
Simple, but short. The story seemed like it was made for a quick boss encounter. For example: "Are you ready to go where those bridges dare not?" at the very end of the story gives a hint that your going to have to fight Kane. Who was the elf that ewoke Kane? Why did he awoke him? How did he awoke him? You also switch the perspective of Kane being from one entity to an entire race of vile creatures. For example: "...Kane, the ancestral being.." "anything but his kind" then all of a sudden "...massacred by the ferocious beasts." "..these vile creatures." The conflict didnt tie that well with the screen also. From the screen, the bridges only look like a couple of yards off the ground. Since the description of Kane was really vague, I gone ahead and assumed Kane (or Kanes) was this giganto monster. Like I said, Simple and short.
Story and Screen Analogy: 2.5/4
Content: 1/3
Interest 1/2
Length: 0/1
TOTAL = 4.5 out of 10
Tips:
* Watch your utility of words that ends with the letter "S". Adding one S at the end of some words can make one thing seem like many.
* Remember to add a small history or some kind of brief description to your characters. For example: "Kane was about the size of a small bush."
MrMister:
Best story here! I love the usage of smileys as it sort of add an aura to the story! To top it all off, you add the finishing touches with the perfect mispelling of "happened"
Story and Screen analogy: 2/4
Content: 0/2
Interest: 0/2
Length: 0/1
Bonus Point: 1 (*He DID use screen 4 :P)
TOTAL = 3 out of 10
Tips:
How to write a story (http://www.wikihow.com/Write-a-Good-Story)
Grandy:
Meh.. The story begins with the bridge already built (by some unknown force) next you say that the bridge was incomplete, which completely contradicts the original sentance. Im going to go ahead and assumed that Lazgrael destroyed the bridge, some dude read the ancient tome millenias after, and the workers tried to reconstruct it thru what the tome said... There was also many grammar errors especially near the end. The story also didnt match with the screen that well. Occording to the story if the workers tried to build the bridge it would just get burned down, thus there shouldnt be any bridge (or bridges) visible on the screen. Screen #4 would've been a much better choice for this story. Overall the story itself was fairly interesting. It caught my attention.
Story and Screen analogy: 2/4
Content: 1/3
Interest: 2/2
Length: 0
TOTAL: 5/10
Tips:
*Dont leave parts out.
*Commas are good, but watch where you place them
Coasterkrazy:
Good, but not the best. Dialouge Yay! The dialouge itself helped showed the personalitys (and a SLIGHT background) of the characters. The choice of words were decent. You didnt pick any big words, which is nice because made it the story easier to understand, but then again you didnt pick any big words, which could've increase the quality of the story better. The worst thing about this story was its interest. The characters had a personality, but they bored me to death. The personas were nothing new and seemed VERY cliche.. The story also seemed to focus on the river more then the actually bridge. This was made more evident toward the end. The comparisons to the screen were great, but the story itself just seemed to lack any interest at all.
Story and Screen analogy: 3/4
Content: 1.5/2
Interest: 0/2
Length: 1
Bonus Point: 1
TOTAL: = 6.5/10
Tips:
*Originallity is friend
*Dont be afraid to use big words.
Moosetroop11:
Nice! Excellent descriptions of the characters. I like the usage dialouge to add to the personality further. Overall this story seemed like a giant juxtaposition. Instead of crying over the dead and the destruction of some parts of their city they found ways to get around it and even find joy over the sacrifice of a few others. This story increases in quality as it can obviously be compared to the Hurricane Katrina event that happened a few years ago in real life. Overall it was fairly interesting. The more I think about that juxtaposition, the more I enjoy it.
Story and Screen Analogy: 3/4
Content: 2/2
Interest 1.5/2
Length: 1
Bonus: 1
TOTAL = 8.5/10
Tips:
*N/A
Glitch:
Beautiful story! (If this was intended to be a comedy.) :P I laughed hard when she was knocked off like that. The characters at the beginning were dull enough to make you wish that they died, only to find out one really did! It was a nice unexpected twist that REALLY gives this story a boost, if it was supposed to be a comedy.
Story and Screen Analogy: 3.5/4
Content: 1.75/3
Interest: 1.25/2 (No interest at the beginning at least.)
Length: 1
TOTAL = 7.5 out of 10
Tips:
*The most important thing is grabbing the reader at the very beginning of a story
A Forgotten Legend:
Meh, of all the people to enter a city how did they instantly know it was him? I also am going to figure that this guy cannot swim as he obviously just let himself die like that. It doesnt make any sense as to why the king flooded a whole city because of one guy when he could've killed him straight off. The stories comparison with the screen is okay.. The content could've been much better also
Story and Screen Analogy: 2/4
Content: 1/2
Interest: 1/2
Length: 1
Bonus Point: 1
TOTAL: 6 out of 10
Tips:
*N/A (Dont feel like giving anymore out)
Krynth:
Okay.. Again I cannot stress how important it is to make sure to start something off that catches the readers intention right away or else the rest of the story will just flop. The stories comparison with the screen seemed off also. Not once you mentioned an actual bridge. However, despite the short comings, the character development was very good. The choice of words and the accents helped define their personality better. The story would've gotten a better score if you didnt saved the best till last, which made the rest of the story rather dull.
Story and Screen Analogy: 1.5/4
Content: 2/2
Interest .5/2
Length: 1
Bonus Point: 1
TOTAL: 6 out of 10
Tips:
*Saving the best till last is sometimes a good method, but it could drastically decrease the interest of the rest of the story.
----------------------------------------------------
My FINAL words:
Sorry for the long wait for the review.... I had to read each story over again to make sure I can come up with a exact review of how I felt based upon reading it. Everyones story was good, but remember to ALWAYS reread your own story. It bothers me when I dont see a "LAST EDITED ON.." below their post because it gives me a hint that they really didnt bother to change anything with the story. I would also like to add to remember to always start a story off which catches the readers attention straight away. Once you've got the reader hooked at the beginner, its MUCH easier to keep their interest throughout the rest of the story.
And remember, The reviews was based on how I felt when I reread all your stories. My views on these stories are my own personal views. These reviews are OPINION based, only so dont go off a rocker and get mad because of the critique.
Post by: A Forgotten Legend on February 18, 2007, 06:49:15 PM
How did my story help?!?!?! :P
Edit: Oh, that's how, the making fun of the king part...
To Gemini: I am not used to writing in present tense, so I tried it out. Didn't work to well. _sweat_ I am sticking with past tense from now on!
To Rowan: I'm not actually sure what I was going with that king floods entire city thing because of one person either. I might have been thinking that the king thought that ALL of the townspeople were like that. I'm not sure.
Quote
Meh, of all the people to enter a center how did they instantly know it was him?
?!?!?! I don't get it. And am not good enough to get a tip? j/k
Post by: coreystranick on February 18, 2007, 07:33:01 PM
Quote
For example: "...Kane, the ancestral being.." "anything but his kind" then all of a sudden "...massacred by the ferocious beasts." "..these vile creatures." The conflict didnt tie that well with the screen also. From the screen, the bridges only look like a couple of yards off the ground. Since the description of Kane was really vague, I gone ahead and assumed Kane (or Kanes) was this giganto monster. Like I said, Simple and short.
I said he was the ancestral being of the animals. Hating anything but his animal brethern. And the evles are not animals. It wasn't that hard to figure out since I said it.
I said he started a war, thus he and the other animals started a war.
Post by: Ben on February 18, 2007, 07:48:31 PM
Um....Its not so much as past or present tense, but the incosistency of shifting between them like it was going out of style that threw it off.
Also, First person narrative Should Always be in past tense, In my opinion. Otherwise it sounds off.
Post by: A Forgotten Legend on February 18, 2007, 08:14:53 PM
me=confused.
nevermind.
Post by: Meiscool-2 on February 18, 2007, 08:29:38 PM
Post by: Meiscool-2 on February 18, 2007, 09:17:28 PM
2 Content: (as in, how good the story is, its moral if its got one, ect. ALSO, rate word usage, vocabulary, and grammar in here.)
2 Interest (if it bored you or if it kept you wanting more)
1 Length:. (If it's a short story, like only a paragraph, it doesn't get this point)
1 Bonus point for using #2 #4
Coreystranick:
Short and sweet. This reminded me of a type of story I might here while reading my greek mythology books. I loved those fables. Anyways, I think the content was good, and it did leave me wanted to read more. However, it could've been a lot longer, and you left out a great deal of discription. Of all the stories, yours is one of the best that matches the screenshot.
Story and Screen Analogy: 3.5/4
Content: 2/3
Interest 2/2
Length: 0/1
TOTAL = 7.5 out of 10
MrMister:
Bleh
Story and Screen analogy: 2/4
Content: 0/2
Interest: 0/2
Length: 0/1
Bonus Point: 1
TOTAL = 3/10
Grandy:
I like this as well. Again, it reminds me greatly of a greek god fable. People working, knowing the outcome, but still working hard. Your word usage and vocab arn't exactly the best here. Also, the fact that the screenshot shows many small bridges, while your story speaks of one larger bridge (it seems) throws the matching points off. Good story though, one of the better reads in my opinion.
Story and Screen analogy: 2/4
Content: 1/3
Interest: 2/2
Length: .5/1
TOTAL: 5.5/10
Coasterkrazy:
A nice sad story. This had a prominate ending, which I really like about stories. Leaves room to be continued, yet we all know what happens. Unlike several other endings that leave you with a question. This didn't much keep my interest, either because of the length of the story, or the method you used to describe your characters. Another thing that lowered the interest factor was how I could predict what could happen with utmost accuracy.
Story and Screen analogy: 3/4
Content: 2/2
Interest: .5/2
Length: 1
Bonus Point: 1
TOTAL: = 7.5/10
Moosetroop11:
Now, you didn't much tie a bridge in with this story, so I'm going to degrade you for that. However, you matched the screen up quite well, and you described the setting and people excellently. The story didn't much have a point though, and as said before, didn't have a whole lot about the bridge. Because of those last two things is the reason you've earned the rating in content that you did.
Story and Screen Analogy: 4/4
Content: .5/2
Interest 2/2
Length: 1/1
Bonus: 1
TOTAL = 8.5/10
Glitch:
I didn't laugh. Just let that be a note. I didn't really find anything funny with it, sorry. I did however like the story, and found the ending rather good and open to a continuation (though I prefer endings that don't leave much more room for events to follow) You combined death in many ways to create a good flowing story. Bravo. The only thing you could've done was make more mention of how high the event took place at, to make the matching better.
Story and Screen Analogy: 3/4
Content: 2/3
Interest: 1/2 (No interest at the beginning at least.)
Length: 1
TOTAL = 7 out of 10
A Forgotten Legend:
Not a very realistic story, that a pissed off king would sentence an entire village to the watery depths because of a joke. Also, not very sensible that they would build an entire bridge just to push a guy off. Now, I think that this matches the screenshot pretty well. I also think that the story had a lot of attention grabing details. Mainly, the attention was on "what did he say that made the king mad?", but that was sadly never answered. So, bad content, good matching and interest.
Story and Screen Analogy: 3/4
Content: .5/2
Interest: 2/2
Length: 1
Bonus Point: 1
TOTAL: 7.5 out of 10
Krynth:
Points for originality and making this play out like a play. (lol pun) However, I wasn't interested during the story at the least. I also think that the characters were bland and boring. Mostly, you just described people's heads and nothing else. Another thing, the fact that most of the events take place indoors and at night sorta makes it hard to tie the story with the screenshot.
Story and Screen Analogy: 1/4
Content: 2/2
Interest .5/2
Length: 1
Bonus Point: 1
TOTAL: 5.5 out of 10
-------------------------------------------------------------
Thankyou everyone that entered! I had a fun time reading the stories. They were all pretty good, except for MrMister's, and I found joy from reading ALL of them. I hope you will enter the next contest, whatever I might decide it to be:p
Also, as I look over the ratings, I name the winners....
Winner: Moosetroop11
Runner Up: CoasterKrazy
Great job to the both of you. You had some very unique stories going on there ;)
Post by: A Forgotten Legend on February 18, 2007, 10:01:55 PM
Post by: Krynth on February 19, 2007, 05:16:47 AM
Eh some excuses I guess?
Rushed? Ummm not really even though I was one day late, forgive me and thanks as well for judging my entry despite that, but I really didnt have a reason behind it I guess other than work...
I read the rules and everything I needed to know before I left for the weekend had worked on it some while I was gone (coming with the basic idea/plan for a story and went from there and well then strayed and got writer's block?)
Post by: Moosetroop11 on February 19, 2007, 08:24:48 PM
MIC was the only one to see the massive flaw, and I should have encorperated bridges more I know. Maybe if there's another contest like this more points should be awarded to writing about the given topic? Hmmm.
Post by: coasterkrazy on February 20, 2007, 09:11:24 PM
Oh well, I had said it turned out rather predictable, so I knew it was coming. I think I'll go about it differently next time.
Rowan: Funny thing, I usually do use big words, I just didn't want my story to be too confusing or pretentious (no joke intended, seriously, I use that word all the time... um... if you even consider that a big word, which I wouldn't).