Charas-Project
Off-Topic => All of all! => Topic started by: DragonBlaze on February 27, 2007, 04:04:01 AM
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I'm sorry for brining my personal problems here, but I don't have anywhere else to go right now. Its about one of my friends, I can't talk to any of my other real friends about this, because some things need to be kept secret. But anyway, its my girlfriend, I just had to talk her out of committing suicide tonight. She IMed me on the internet, and asked how many pills it took to kill someone, and then she signed off right away. I called her house phone (not her cell phone), and asked her dad to put her on. Her dad went up and got her and put her on, by that time she only had a handful of pills, so it wasn't anything too bad. But otherwise she was going to take the whole bottle and drink some bleach. Luckily after an hour, I talked her out of it.
The problem is she doesn't think she deserves anything, shes kinda goes in and out of her swings, but most of the time shes pretty good, but this last week has been getting really bad. After I talked her out of killing herself, she said she was going to walk to school tomarrow in the blizzard (and she lives far away) because she doesn't deserve to ride the bus or for me to pick her up. Shes giving up her cell phone, computer, tv, and pretty much everything. Her parents are devorced, and shes living with her dad right now. Her dad is living with this girl who has a daughter around my girlfriends age. Both my girlfriends dad and the girl hes living with put my girlfriend down. Its mainly because of her dad, since he's only been living with that girl for about a year, he doesn't yell at her daughter much because he's trying to make a good impression and everything. Kinda like how friends parents are nice around you, but then when you leave they yell at their child. Anyway, he's always putting her down, telling her that she does everything wrong, telling her that shes screwing up our relationship (her dad likes me) and yelling at her for all this stuff. He probably yells at her for an hour every night. And now its really getting to her.
I'm trying really hard to help her. I called her dad before, he told me that it'll be fine, but then my girlfriend got yelled at some more because her dad though she told me to call him and talk to him. Pretty much everything I do to try and help leads her to getting hurt some more. What I'm trying to do really hard right now is just let her know that I'm there for her and I love her and it'll be ok. She want to believe me, but can't, because she believes she's jynxed because every guy whos said that to her has hurt her. And the last guy who said that went out with her for 14 months, they got engaged, picked out where the wedding would be, decided everything, but then he dumped her for a stripper. After she got dumped there, she tried committing suicide, she took a whole bottle of pills, she wanted to take some bleach, but didn't have any, she got really sick, but luckily she was ok. Anyway, I'm trying really hard to let her know that she's special, she's not a bad person, that i love her, and that she deserves all this stuff that she doesn't say she deserves. But then a lot of times she just comes back at me with something like 'well I guess I'm wrong about this too, just like everything else'.
I'm going to try talking to this one lady and ask her to help her or talk to her. Shes a friends mom, and she helped her out when she got dumped last time. My hope is that if I can get more people that she's close with to talk with her and let her know that she really is special and isn't a bad person, she'll get better. But I really don't know.
I'm lal out of ideas, and I don't know what to do :(
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Question: Is this the same girlfriend you said a half a year ago was just a status symbol to say that you have a girlfriend?
Yes, it has relavence.
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We've been going out for 5 months. And no, its not the same girl. I actually love this girl.
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Self steem... that's some issue. I don't know how to really REALLY get to her, but talking is the best you can do.
Talk to her, show her that she matters, because of the significance that her loss would have to you, for example. You show that you love her a lot by asking for help like this, and you have to show her exactly this: that you're worried, that you're there, and that she is important at least to you.
That's something that will probably get to her.
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Give her special treatment for a long time. Always ALWAYS say something good about her. Treat her to a good time. Keep her away from harmful people/subjects/things. And always make her feel like she's in charge. I was once suicidal, so I know that these kind of things help to delude the harmful surrounding world, and to put her into a sort of dream world long enough to let her try to recover.
Of course, I've never really recovered...
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OR talk to people that actually know her. Yeah, you might not wanna tell your other friends, but you need to pure and simple. She'll listen to people she cares about and people who care about her a lot more seriously than a bunch of assholes on the internet.
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I do worry a lot about her, but every time I say that I'm scared or something, it just makes her feel worse because she scared me or she hurt me. Like when I started talking to her on the phone, I was pretty much half way crying because she just told me that she was killing herself then signed off and wouldn't pick up her cell phone, that kind of just made her feel worse because she made me worry. Shes afraid of telling me things a lot of times because shes afraid that she'll hurt me.
My plan is to show her that I really care, and that everyone else really cares too. Shes probably going to get pissed at me for this, but I'm gonna say some stuff to our friends (but being very vauge about it), and hopefully they'll show a lot more support for her, and she'll realize that a lot of people do care about her.
Edit: and right now, the most harmful place/person/setting is at home. When I'm with her at my house or somewhere else, she's usually fine. And I can't really keep her away from that. :(
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Why do people like to attempt suicide? Don't they ever consider how much harm that would cause? Do they want to cause harm? I will never understand this but she should realise that would be hurting you and all her friends and would leave emotional scars far more than what she could ever do in her whole life.
Anyways, everybody loses, nobody wins.
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Originally posted by Darkfox
Why do people like to attempt suicide? Don't they ever consider how much harm that would cause? Do they want to cause harm? I will never understand this but she should realise that would be hurting you and all her friends and would leave emotional scars far more than what she could ever do in her whole life.
Anyways, everybody loses, nobody wins.
Yeah, she said she wont do anything because I told her not to. I basically told her that it'd kill me if she would do anything. Luckily, she really loves me, even if she can't believe that I love her just as much back. Anyway, she doesn't think that anyone besides me cares about her, and a lot of times she doubts I really care about her. Or she says I'm just gonna get sick of her and get hurt. It doesn't really help that her mom basically told her that she isn't her daughter anymore. She doesn't really believe that any of her friends really care about her, she doesn't belive that her dad cares about her because he's always yelling at her.
But yeah, she said she wouldn't kill herself because I told her not to. She sounded kinda pissed though and told me that shes going to go through hell for it. Shes kinda catholic and I told her that if she did kill herself, she would really be in hell, but she said she would be there anyway, so it didn't matter. But no, I'm not really concered too much that shes gonna kill herself anymore, but still, she really needs help, and I'm trying, but I dont' know exactly what to do. Like I said, I'm gonna talk to our friends and that one mom that shes close to, and hopefully that'll make her feel cared for and such.
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You know what snaps somebody out of it?
I was mopey "killmyself" for a long time. And then My Stepfather Hung himself nine months after having a baby girl.
Tough love. Get her to talk to somebody who has lost an IMMEDIATE family member to suicide.
Its selfish. Seriously, dont coddle this. It only indulges the behavior. It sounds harsh but its true. Suicide is a INCREDIBLY SELF ABSORBED ACT OF SELF PITY.
Be lovng, but also tell her its disrespectfull, and selfish.
You lose alot of respect for suicides when your half sister is taken by social services because of an ***hole who couldnt pull his head out his own self absorbtion
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In the past I've stopped a few people who considered running away and suiciding. But I will say my methods differ, and some here may know this. I'm empathic but also tough.
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While I'll agree that showing her that people care is a good idea, be wary. Attention can be an addiction. You and your friends won't be able to keep up the extra super sweet treatment forever. Having people care and then just stop can be almost worse than them never caring to begin with. Remember that only she can change how she sees herself and people around her. You can try to help, and you should try, but you can't force anything.
Time is your best ally. Time really does heal all wounds. Low self-esteem usually doesn't last huge amounts of time. The longer she stays stable the easier it is to stay that way.
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man I did the same thing as your gf scuicide and **** but the pills were for a high lol. Anyway realy ive quit cuttin scuicide attempts,drugs etc. after my family and friends began to respect me for who i am and not pick out bad things about me.
Is your girlfriend a real nice person who tries not to hurt others feelings? Its just a question.
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I'll be honest, sounds a bit like your gf may have bi-polar disorder.
As a person who has bi-polar, I went through a lot of tough times, especially in high school when I didn't know what was wrong with me.
I attempted suicide more times then I can count, trying to hang myself, but I made a promise to my ex to not try it again, and I always keep my word, so I haven't for over two years now. Stay close to her, keep a close eye on her. Try and do the kindest things you can for her, things that show she really does matter. I can tell you, if anyone had done something like that for me, perhaps I wouldn't have kept trying over and over.
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Yeah Shadys right that'll work good.
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Originally posted by Noobpwner
man I did the same thing as your gf scuicide and **** but the pills were for a high lol. Anyway realy ive quit cuttin scuicide attempts,drugs etc. after my family and friends began to respect me for who i am and not pick out bad things about me.
Is your girlfriend a real nice person who tries not to hurt others feelings? Its just a question.
Yeah, shes a really nice person, she never does anything to hurt anyone, shes a good person, but she doesn't believe it, no matter what I do.
She doesn't want me to hold her hand or walk with her or give her a ride or anything because she thinks she doesn't deserve me :(
EDIT: Heres a letter she gave me today.
I'M SORRY
the trying to help isn't going to work. so you can stop trying. I'm sorry. I'm doing this though. You don't know how I feel. I'll give you a hint "last nights feeling".
I really know you want to help and I don't mean to push you away, but I don't deserve you or anything. Please don't say I do cuz I don't. I don't do anything in this world. I don't do laundry, clean, cook, know how to be a good daughter, know how to have my dad think I'm trying.
I'm sorry.
I can't believe I'm saying this and my stomach really hurts for saying this but, stop helping cuz I don't deserve it. I didn't kill myself, I'm going to eat, I'm living for you. What else do you want from me. I'm already dieing inside, and living in hell on the outside. What else can I do wrong to maky you happy? Huh? I'm trying as hard as I can but I don't seem to please you. God I am a bad girlfriend, and I am. don't say I'm not or I'll do something bad to my stomach. I'm afriad to say I love you now cuz I'll cry. And you almost made me cry today
love (name)
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You're her boyfriend, not her therapist. You have no reason not to call for professional help if this happens again. Even therapists have the right to do that if a man says he's going to commit suicide.
My suggestion is, hold for now, but at the first sign she'll do something crazy, call for professional help.
*reads letter*
....Emo. Sorry, but it is. Let me frank with you, it's a girl who deseperatly wanting attention, that's why most people suicide, anyway.
Try and show you that you love her, and try and make that other people do that as well.
BUT, if she looks like out of control, call for professional help.
You don't have to take verything at your hands, it is not your fault. **** it if she was going to get upset if other people know about it, her life is more important.
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All you have to do is to keep caring for her like you always did. Spend some time with her, make her feel like she is loved. I had a problem like this, i.e. friend trying to kill himself, and I just made him feel better. He tried to slit his wrist with a box-cutter when he lost at SSBM. I hope that making her feel better, helps her with her suicide problem.
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If she's telling you before hand, she's just selfish/looking for attention.
Unfortunately she's also psychotic.
Also, when she asked how many pills it takes to kill someone, you should have said '2'.
edit: Livejournal threads are bad.
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Damn, that letter is sad..
Ok, so stick by her side. And no matter what she says, don't stop trying to help, because that will show her you don't care enough. MOST IMPORTANTLY DO NOT TREAT HER LIKE SHE HAS ISSUES. If you do this, it will make her hurt a lot more. Treat her good, and keep doin what you can to prove to her you really care.
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This is really pissing me off, every time I try to touch her, she gets mad at me cause she says she doesn't deserve to be touched. Everytime I tell her that shes a good person, she yells that she isn't and then she gets upset that I'm not believing her. All day shes been trying to get away from me, I pretty much had to drag her in my car this morning otherwise she was going to walk to school instead of driving or taking the bus.
So yeah, I might call a professional, but since shes under 18, her parents need to get involved, and that'll make everything worse.
And shes not bipolar, she just gets this way if she gets **** all day from her family.
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Hrmm.
Well, I don't want to get too judgemental, seeing as you're the only one here who actually know your girlfriend. My initial reaction was the same as Grandy's though. every time you've quoted something she's said it sounds like the same stuff you hear every day from people who are trying too hard to be emo.
I'm not sure what to suggest though. I have no idea why she thinks she's so worthless, for one thing. What on earth is that about? What makes someone deserve love? Again, this not deserving crap sounds like attention seeking to the max. Who refuses to take the bus because they're depressed?
Urgh, everything I say sounds negative. Okay, the problem might be that you're not saying the right things. Saying "you're not worthless" and "I love you" over and over again might not be what she needs. If you can, you need to sit her down somewhere and tell her that you're not going to leave her, so she'd better tell you what you can do to help.
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Shes totally being selfish.
Dont coddle this. Dont be a jerk either, but it sounds to me like shes got alot of growing up to do.
If this girl had any respect for the ones she "Loved" She wouldnt be putting any of you through this. Shes wants the spotlight, and she wants the world to change for her...to coddle her....
I have no sympathy
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Originally posted by DragonBlaze
he dumped her for a stripper.
That made it worth reading =)
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Wow.
She's dumb.
Tell her you don't deserve her or something.
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Maybe it would be different if I was in love with her but I have no sympathy for this chick. I dont think she's an attention whore. I just think she's...dumb. Does she really even listen to her father complain at this point? If she does than sorry, but she's dumb (Dont take me the wrong way if I sound like a prick insulting your girlfriend. Theres alot of words I could've chosen from.) I dont care what anyone says. It is EASY to ignore somebody. I dont see why she cant ignore her father complaining all the time. I do. It is not rocket science. Nod your head and say yes and BAM. Before you know it, he's gone.
Maybe I'll sound harsh if I say this but break up with her. If you say with her it just sounds like you'll get this **** for the next year. Its not worth it. But if you really really do love her, I would suggest telling her straight up. "Stop acting like a 4 yr old."
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It's been mentioned once but I've only dealt with a few friends who ever attempted...as for how your handling it.... its alot better than how I did...
Story:
Well one was very emo and a attention hog but didnt find that out till after I snapped at her...well yea I've been trying to support her just about every-night to where the only time she wanted to talk was when she had problems. She would yell at me then threatens to kill herself for trying to help and give advise then it got to the point that I lost my patience one night cause she was really making me depressed and annoyed then came back all happy saying she cut herself (Ok forgot to mention but she would cut herself to deal with the emotional pain...)
Ummm yea she complains about her love life and nobody caring, I listen and try to make her feel better, she goes off and come back after cutting herself, I've just about lost my patience then finding out what she did it, I yell at her, then lost contact with her but what I've learned from the small talks I had with her after the fight things were getting better, she has boyfriend, and has stopped complaining...to me anyhow.
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Yeah, she has absolutely no respect for you.
You need to find a new girl.
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Think about this too....
If youre gonna kill yourself, it takes about 7 seconds to swallow a bottle of pills if youre washing it down with water.
And she still had pills left.
Let me guess, she wrote a note.
Most legitamate suicide attempts DONT leave a note.
I dont think shes dumb. I think she knows exactly how to play the situation. If you love her, honestly, youd tell her to grow the eff up
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I really, really think you should tell her parents. I mean if you care about her, you would do it.
Do not handle this yourself. That is just stupid.
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My guess is that she's attention seeking. Even if she doesn't realize that's what she's doing, she is. Which is understandable in a way. Cold cruel world out there and lots of people feel like their lives are completely meaningless. But that doesn't mean you should put up with it.
My advise is to threaten her with going for professional help if she keeps this up. Don't make it sound like a threat of course, but that's basically what it would be. Either she's mostly being dramatic and she realizes that professional therapy would be a hassle and she quits doing what she's doing... or she's being serious and professional help would really be what she needs. It's win-win.
I'm not so sure you can save the relationship if she keeps up what she's doing. Support in times of weakness is one thing but if she's going to push you away for day after day for weeks then its pretty hopeless.
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Funny, up until few back, everyone was like "Show her respect and say you love her" now everyone is like "Slap her face and tell her to stop acting like a b*tch."
Both things might work, really.
But, as I said, first signal things might get out control, call for professional help. If I were you, I'd have called them already, at the first attempt.
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Thats how charas works. It all depends on who sounds the coolest.
I dont REALLY read any posts besides the first one, and my own.
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As my therapist used to say, 'You're wearing your thermostat on the outside.'
If the problem is her father, she needs tougher skin. I don't know the details or anything, but that sounds like a big part of it. ALTHOUGH I must add one thing to this: There is more than one type of abuse. Most people hear about physical abuse, but there are a lot more ways to hurt people. Her father constantly putting her down would probably be considered verbal/emotional abuse. Again, if that's the main reason for her being in this rut, then she needs to learn how to be less permeable to it.
If the problem can be identified as something chemically imbalanced, she needs meds. Like, NOW. This sounds like some pretty serious ****.
As her boyfriend, you still need to support her and everything. However, you have to be firm as well as friendly. Don't abandon her, but if she doesn't want you touching her, just sit by her, walk with her, stay close to her. Show her you still care, some way or another. And that's all the advice I have without repeating everyone else's ideas for the umpteenth time. Hopefully, she'll come out of it without doing anything too harmful to herself.
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dragon did u getmy pm if so tell her to get a hobby.. Something she can go do alone to relax her and stuff if anyone heres emo its me XD...
I know guitar and music works for me... Find something she loves/loves to do then help her do it more often. It eases your mind when your enjoying yourself no just being absorbed in self pity...
Thats what everyone said to me that i was always putting myself down and purposely making it hard for myself... Now im much better although i still blame everything on myself for others attention...
I can relate to your gf in allot of ways dragon do u have msn?
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Originally posted by MrMister
If she's telling you before hand, she's just selfish/looking for attention.
exactly. I have a friend like that... honestly? I tell him to shut the **** up he doesn't know what hes talking about.
I was suicidal for a long time, never told anyone til i got out of it. if you tell someone, you're not really suicidal.
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And now for some terrible advice:
Don't bake her into a cake.
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It's harder to deal with verbal insults when they come from the parents. They're the ones who are suppose to love you and never hurt ya. Some ppl might not really care, but others are sensitive to that. <<
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Have you tried telling YOUR parents? Maybe they can help somehow.
My older brother, Jason, used to be like that--he'd go around telling people he was gonna kill himself, until my dad took him to a psycologist. He told the psycologist he was gonna kill himself, so the psyc. gave him a loaded gun and told him to go ahead and shoot.
Nothing. Jason got out of it. He just wanted attention, I guess.
So, half of my advice is to be firm, and let it be known that her suicidal plans are dumb.
Now, I have a friend on Gaia like that. She's not suicidal, but she's pretty low-esteemed. But, hey, she's got a friend in me, so she's been doing better. So, the rest of the advice is to be nice to her, without touching her.
In conclusion, comfort her, but let it be known that her suicidal plans won't be accepted. And try asking your parents for help. That should be first on one's list.
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It would have been SO FUNNY if Jason shot himself.
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Sorry, but it would.
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I have to agree with Grandy.
Psyche - Here, shoot
Jay - *BANG*
Psyche - OH ****! THAT WASN'T SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN!
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You guys are cruel....
and yet it honestly would be funny.. <<
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There's no way in hell it was loaded. Convincing treatment or not, if the guy actually shot himself it would be disasterous for the pychologist, his office, and the field in general.
... but it would still be pretty funny >_>
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agrees.
Oh, and uh.... >>
Just cause it seems to be the thing to do.
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It was probably loaded with blanks.
But I agree,
"Here you go, then."
*BANG*
"OH **** OH **** OH **** OH ****"
lol
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Originally posted by Grandy
It would have been SO FUNNY if Jason shot himself.
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Sorry, but it would.
Extremely funny, seeing that he's still alive and kicking, although he's in jail for now. Dunno why, seeing as I haven't seen him since I was 2.