Charas-Project
Off-Topic => All of all! => Topic started by: Darrellito on January 31, 2009, 07:36:22 AM
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I know they may be a little old, but I was taking a look at some of these last night, and thought they were still funny.
Post your favorite Chuck Norris Joke, or make one up.
I'll start
Chuck Norris doesn't read books, he just stares them down until they give him the information he needs.
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Yeah, I will always have a soft spot in my heart for the Chuck Norris facts.
Chuck Norris doesn't put change into vending machines. He just roundhouse kicks them and takes what he wants.
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No. Just, no. This is a meme that should have died 5 years ago when it started. Chuck Norris is not great, he's a sucky actor and all Chuck Norris jokes suck.
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No. Just, no. This is a meme that should have died 5 years ago when it started. Chuck Norris is not great, he's a sucky actor and all Chuck Norris jokes suck.
chuck norris took a crap and it became holland
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Techno Viking's better.
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Crap meme is crap.
but uh... I heard one once which I thought was funny, but I have an odd sense of humor:
Chuck Norris has captured all Pokemon!
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Every year on Chuck Norris's birthday, Chuck Norris chooses one lucky kid to be hurled into the sun.
Idk, that one made me laugh the most.
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Chuck Norris counted to infinity...
Twice!
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There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allowed to live.
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I respectfully show my utter disdain for this thread.
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Chicago Ted jokes are better.
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I am regretful to inform you that I find this thread to be quite horrible
Chuck Norris is lame, and always shall be
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Chuck Norris GOD DAMMIT I CAN'T DO IT NO MATTER WHAT I TRY AND COME UP WITH IT WON'T BE FUNNY TO ME OR ANYONE ELSE BECAUSE IT'S FREAKING CHUCK NORRIS OH GOD WHY THERE IS NO WAY TO GO ON. *Leaps off a bridge*
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Yeah, i normally would have ignored this gay shitty thread, but i couldnt resist trolling drace with the holland thing. He gets so sensitive, and its one of my simpler pleasures.
Also.....
Sage
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If you have 5 dollars, and Chuck Norris has 5 dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
Also there are no Chuck Norris "jokes", only facts...
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Yeah, i normally would have ignored this gay shitty thread, but i couldnt resist trolling drace with the holland thing. He gets so sensitive, and its one of my simpler pleasures
Like I said, I don't care about patrionism and I don't care about Chuck Norris jokes. Your statement = false.
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it dosent matter how apathetic you are about holland... it got a response.
everything i say in reply to your posts gets a squirty vaginal repsonse
I love it.
also....
chuck norris
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Chuck Norris once starred in a film.
THAT'S WHY WE KNOW HIM.
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Archem, you forget about the bowflex
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Total Gym, not Bowflex.
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Archem, you forget about the bowflex
AND WITHOUT THAT FIRST FILM, HE'D BE SELLING THE HOBOWFLEX.
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Chuck Norris actually died five years ago, but the grim reaper hasn't gotten up the courage to tell him yet.
also...
Chuck Norris has a kitten...every morning for breakfast.
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it dosent matter how apathetic you are about holland... it got a response.
everything i say in reply to your posts gets a squirty vaginal repsonse
I love it.
also....
chuck norris
I only respond because I have nothing else to do at the moment.
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myeeeeah
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I only respond because I have nothing else to do at the moment.
Not that I want to side with anyone in these stupid arguments that you two have, but...
Sand.
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Not that I want to side with anyone in these stupid arguments that you two have, but...
Sand.
Where?
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Cooter.
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Sand Cooter? Hmmmm... what could this mean. Hmmmm
Maybe the letters represent numbers...
S=19, a=1, n=14, d=4, c=3, o=15, t=20, e=5, r=18.... So that means...
19 + 1 + 14 + 4 and 3 + 15 + 15 + 20 + 5 + 18
38 and 76...
3 + 8 = 11 and 7 + 6 = 14
K is the 11th letter, n is the 14th...
K and N...
Wait! The K is pronounced as kay, the N is pronounced as ene. Kayene... Kane!
OMG! Archem is Kane from Command and Conquer. I knew it.
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Wow, that was a long way to go for a lame accusation. *poofs out of thread*
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Wow, that was a long way to go for a lame accusation. *poofs out of thread*
*shakes fist*
I tried to think of something better but this was the best I could make out of it!
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I tried to think of something better but this was the best I could make out of it!
pretty much sums everything up.
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Less lame Gemini/Drace conversation and more lame Chuck Norris crap kthx
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Chicago Ted jokes are better.
Chicago Ted turns Smokers into Flamers.
Chicago Ted throws Tanks at alarm cars.
Chicago Ted startles the Witch, and that bitch is grateful.
That's all I got.
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Damn, I dont even know who this Chicago Ted dude is.
Exactly. It's not constantly referred to, therefore it automatically wins.
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Hmmm... I can't wiki Chicago Ted. Weird.
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Hmmm... I can't wiki Chicago Ted. Weird.
Duh. Otherwise the zombies would find him.
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I was the original Chicago Ted. Dunno what all you fags are talking about.
Although I do remember that tank-at-alarm-car thing vaguely...
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I was the original Chicago Ted.
Everyone who owns the game has used that username at some point and you know it.
Chicago Ted can bite zombies and turn them into people.
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Everyone who owns the game has used that username at some point and you know it.
Chicago Ted can bite zombies and turn them into people.
**** you, I did it first.
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Jesus walked on water, but Chuck Norris swam through land.
The only man who has ever outsmarted Chuck Norris is Stephen Hawking...and he got what he deserved.
There are only two things in the world that can cut diamonds ... other diamonds and Chuck Norris.
Thr Rock can't smell what chuck Norris is cooking.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
Rocky Balboa may eat thunder and crap lightning, but Chuck Norris was the one who brought the thunder.
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How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if I woodchuck's named Chuck Norris?
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Chuck Norris invented the fist. Before that, people used to just poke each other with their fingertips.
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* Chicago Ted always sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
* Chicago Ted once had both legs chewed off by a zombie, he still managed to get up and walk it off.
* Some say his testicles hold both his souls. Others say his souls crushed 53,595 zombies alone, 2 weeks before the infection. All we know is, NO zombie is safe from Chicago Ted.
* If Chicago Ted has 5 bullets in his m16, and you have 5 bullets in yours, he has more.
* Chicago Ted's hair color is an yet uninvented color.
* Oxygen is actually Chicago Ted's flatulence.
* Computers viruses are a myth. It's Chicago Ted booting his computer.
* Police once pulled Chicago Ted over for high speeding.
Chicago Ted let the police go with a warning.
* Some say he is made of lemon custard. Others, that he simultaneously moonlights as both a Tank AND a smoker. All we know is, he's called Chicago Ted.
* They say Chicago Ted isn't actually immune to the disease which causes the infection. No, the infection is just so scared of him it refuses to enter his body.
* Witches turn their lights off around Chicago Ted.
* When Boomers vomit on him he sets himself on fire, and laughs at the horde.
* When a Tank throws a chunk of concrete at him he shoots it out of the air and proceeds to melee the tank to death.
* When Smokers try to lasso him, he grabs their tongues and pulls them to HIM instead.
* When Hunters jump on him he flips them over, pins them to the ground, and rips out their teeth one at a time.
* The witch is always crying because she knows Chicago Ted is coming.
* Chicago Ted is the reason zombies jump off the side of the building.
* Chicago Ted once fought a tank that was the only tank to ever face him
* Chicago Ted wears no clothes, only dead zombie carcasses.
* They say that Chicago Ted actually poops out pipebombs.
* The cure to the infection is Chicago Ted's tears, but chicago ted never cries.
* Chicago Ted once drank a molotov while it was on fire
* Chicago ted once tried to make a baby but it didn't work because his sperm is 50% acid, 50% Shotgun Bullets.
* Chicago Ted doesn't sleep. He waits.
* Chicago Ted barfs on Boomers, and the horde attacks them.
* Chicago Ted isn't immune to the infection, he started the infection.
* If Chicago Ted accidentally team shoots you, he kills you just to finish the job.
* Chicago Ted was so mean, he gouged out the Witch's eyes and replaced them with bloodied up lightbulbs.
* Chicago Ted is so strong, he pumped steroids into the Tank in an attempt to even the playing-field.
* Chicago Ted once strangled a smoker with his own tongue.
* If Chicago Ted hits you in game, it uninstalls steam and deletes your account forever.
* The witch takes care not to alert Chicago Ted.
* Most survivors have to shove zombies when they get too close. Chicago Ted punches clean through them.
* Chicago Ted throws chunks of pavement at tanks.
* On rare occasions, Chicago Ted throws tanks at the pavement.
* Chicago Ted pounces on, and proceeds to disembowel hunters.
* Chicago Ted is the reason Churchguy is hiding.
* Chicago Ted once killed a tank using his own intestines
* Hunters don't pounce on Chicago Ted, Chicago Ted pounces on Hunters
* Chicago Ted once saved my life and later decided i wasn't worth the ammo and proceeded to kill me.
* Only one zombie, a witch, ever managed to lay a finger on Chicago Ted. This was not some mere lapse in judgment on the part of Chicago Ted- but rather a successful go at a bet with several other survivors. They bet him a first-aid kit that he couldn't *ahem* ride the witch. Needless to say, he won the bet.
On a side note, this is exactly why the witch is crying.
On another side note, he didn't use the med-kit on himself. After dismembering the last of a zombie horde, he likes to patch them up, and use the bodies for sadistic puppet-shows.
* Chicago Ted gave birth to his father and mother
* The infection is around because Chicago Ted needed something to kill. God promptly made the virus that started the infection.
* Chicago Ted causes zombies to burst into flames by looking at them.
* Chicago Ted killed every zombie on expert with no guns. He rarely even used his fists.
* The Health Packs left behind at every table are simply the ones discarded by Chicago Ted; Chicago Ted doesn't need extra health to finish campaigns.
* Once made a tank cry by saying something unpleasant about its mum.
* Whispers the song, "I believe I can fly" into his victims ear before he delivers the final blow.
* Chicago Ted doesn't startle the witch, he merely turns her on.
* The screamer Infected was Cut from L4D Because Chicago Ted killed them all.
* When he leaves a safehouse, he bars the doors from the inside, so there's no turning back.
* He drags a Smoker around to be enjoyed like a fine cigar.
* Even Chuck Norris takes a few pointers from him.
* His shirts never wrinkle, nor stain with blood.
* A Tank once asked him what his workout routine was.
* He is left-handed. And right-handed, and can akimbo shotguns, and reload them at the same time.
* Chicago Ted doesn't wear shirts.
He wears the skin of his slain enemies.
* Chicago Ted can turn milk to cheese just by staring at it and his favorite drink is petrol...
* Chicago Ted doesn't actually use bullets he simply makes the zombies kill themselves when he points his guns at them
Copy pastin bitches.
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Oh snap, Chicago Ted is Chuck Norris in disguise!
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Who is Mr. T in another disguise.
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Who is your mom in disguise! Ooooh!
Damn, you have a cool mom.
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Chuck Norris knows how the Joker got his scars.....that's because Chuck was the one who gave them to him.
Chuck Norris thinks Left For dead is for sissies. He's killed three times that many <i>real</i> zombies single-handedly, without any guns or medkits.
Chuck Norris knows a word that rhymes with "orange."
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I heard half of those before. But with chuck norris instead of chicago ted. And I am pretty sure the chuck norris facts came first.
Yes, but chuck norris is just a shitty actor. Chicago Ted is a character (well sort of) from an incredibly awesoem game.
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Yes, but chuck norris is just a shitty actor. Chicago Ted is a character (well sort of) from an incredibly awesoem game.
Stop.
Everyone important already knows why.
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And I am pretty sure the chuck norris facts came first.
[spoiler]Vin Diesel facts came first.[/spoiler]
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Chuck Norris knows a word that rhymes with "orange."
From Wikipedia:
orange /ˈ-ɒrɨndʒ/, rhymes with Blorenge, a hill in Wales, and Gorringe, a family name, and for some people sporange
All those words are real, mind you
Now rhyme chaos silver and fugue, all in the sense of a perfect rhyme (the last sound of the last stressed syllable) and I'll be impressed
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The whole reason why the Chuck Norris jokes are supposed to be funny are just because Chuck Norris is old as ****. It's not at all (at least for me) because he's super awesome or anything. It's just funny to bring back an old *** 80's action movie star and basically make him a god. Chicago Ted isn't really that funny because not many people know who he is. Everyone knows Chuck.
Plus, Chuck Norris' hand can beat a Royal Flush.
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That end comment caught me off guard and made me laugh
[/statement]
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Chicago Ted isn't really that funny because not many people know who he is.
Chicago Ted is that funny. The difference here is that Chicago Ted has a more limited audience (gamers, shooter fans, Left 4 Dead player most specifically), while Chuck Norris applies to the entire world due to his existence in the real world and in countless other pieces of global media. It's all in a name. If you find someone who has no idea who Chuck Norris is, it's not funny. So what do you do? You find another name that fits the role that they're familiar with.
Frank Sinatra once destroyed the Brooklyn bridge by singing, but decided he liked having it around, so it rebuilt itself. What song could he have sang to cause this occurrence? "My Way".
Lousy on-the-spot joke aside, you get my point?
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TBH I don't think Chicago Ted is funny aside from his one ingame scrawl.
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Frank Sinatra is awesome. Seriously, I love his music.
Incidentially, Frank sinatra and Chuck Norris never met face-to-face, If they had, the entire world would've ended due to an overload of awesome.
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The only mistake I ever made was letting Chuck Norris live past utero.
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The only mistake Chuck Norris ever made was letting me live past utero.
I completely agree.
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the only reason the world didn't end in Y2K was because Chicago Ted planned on attending the same party as Chuck Norris, but decided to reign in the new millenium by re-killing undead instead. In 2012, when the world is predicted to end, it's because Chicago Ted and Chuck Norris both have plans to attend the same party.
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Chicago Ted is that funny. The difference here is that Chicago Ted has a more limited audience (gamers, shooter fans, Left 4 Dead player most specifically), while Chuck Norris applies to the entire world due to his existence in the real world and in countless other pieces of global media. It's all in a name. If you find someone who has no idea who Chuck Norris is, it's not funny. So what do you do? You find another name that fits the role that they're familiar with.
Frank Sinatra once destroyed the Brooklyn bridge by singing, but decided he liked having it around, so it rebuilt itself. What song could he have sang to cause this occurrence? "My Way".
Lousy on-the-spot joke aside, you get my point?
I agree. That's kinda what I wanted to say, but I was high at the time, and kinda started to ramble and couldn't remember what I was trying to say. But yeah.
Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to call it quits after watching Chuck in Delta Force on Satellite T.V.
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Mr. T pities the fool that don't like Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris pities the fool that don't like Mr. T.
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Chuck Norris once survived being shot in the face. His beard stopped the bullet.
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Chuck Norris went back in time and saved JFK from being shot by deflecting both bullets with just his beard. His head then exploded in pure amazement.