Charas-Project

Off-Topic => All of all! => Topic started by: Valiere on August 26, 2009, 09:56:49 PM

Title: What would happen if your (retarded) parents wrote a children's book?
Post by: Valiere on August 26, 2009, 09:56:49 PM
Probably something like Antigua: The Land of Fairies Wizards and Heroes (http://www.amazon.com/ANTIGUA-Land-Fairies-Wizards-Heroes/dp/1425997821/ref=cm_cr_pr_product_top). No, the actual title doesn't have commas either.

Nothing I could say could come as close to expressing the quality of this book as the sample itself.

Quote
The Dragon Voltrarr let out such a loud roar that everyone in the easternmost, westernmost and southernmost kingdoms of the Land of Antigua heard him! Then the gigantic monster spit out fire right from his nostrils and then his mouth! The creature flew through the skies like a rocket! The creature had only one thing on its mind. It wanted to destroy the entire village! The Sorceress Gwendeviere wanted to send a message to all the creatures and inhabitants in the Land of Antigua! She wanted everyone to know that King Thomasson, King Arlexjandrio and King Aurthorr would no longer be rulers of the land! She wanted everyone to know that if they didn't bow down and serve her, each and every one of them would be destroyed! As the villagers heard and saw Voltrarr approaching, they screamed and cried out! They were all terrified!

And yes, almost every sentence ends in an exclamation point! They almost all sound like they're yelling! And the author likes to repeat points over and over! She just keeps repeating things! It's almost like this is written by a nine-volt battery (http://www.theonion.com/content/node/33926)!

She also likes to give her own book positive reviews! She likes to shill her own book on websites! She thinks you're a total creeper if you don't like it, because you're reading a book for kids! This book is too special for you!
Title: Re: What would happen if your (retarded) parents wrote a children's book?
Post by: _JeT_ on August 26, 2009, 10:04:41 PM
What a fantastic piece of literature! You are just upset because it is too special for you, creeper!
Title: Re: What would happen if your (retarded) parents wrote a children's book?
Post by: Prpl_Mage on August 26, 2009, 10:06:36 PM
Sounds like that thing from that one Simpson episode where Lisa and her psycho friend create their own world.
Title: Re: What would happen if your (retarded) parents wrote a children's book?
Post by: Bluhman on August 26, 2009, 10:06:53 PM
that story suonds terrible. it needs more wepons and monsters in it.
Title: Re: What would happen if your (retarded) parents wrote a children's book?
Post by: Darkfox on August 26, 2009, 10:36:24 PM
Quote
The Dragon Voltron let out such a loud roar that everyone in the easternmost, westernmost and southernmost kingdoms of the Land of Antigua heard him! Then the gigantic monster blewd out fire right from his wepon hands and then his mouth! The creature flew through the skies like a racket! The creature had only one thing on its mind. It wanted to destroy the entire village! The Sorceress Gwendeviere wanted to send a massage to all the monsters and peoples in the Land of Antigua! She wanted everyone to know that King Thomasson, King Arlexjandrio and King Aurthorr would no longer be rulers of the land! She wanted everyone to know that if they didn't bow down and serve her, each and every one of them would be destroyed! As the villagers heard and saw Voltron approaching, they screamed and cried out at the top of lung! They were all terrified! And the pants were dead!

A bit better.
Title: Re: What would happen if your (retarded) parents wrote a children's book?
Post by: Deathreaper on August 26, 2009, 11:06:32 PM
I want to give the writer a pat on the back for a job well done. Books of this calibur should be made into a movie
Title: Re: What would happen if your (retarded) parents wrote a children's book?
Post by: Darkfox on August 26, 2009, 11:08:50 PM
Quote from: Deathreaper on August 26, 2009, 11:06:32 PM
I want to give the writer a pat on the back for a job well done. Books of this calibur should be made into a movie

"Antigua: The Land of Fairies Wizards and Heroes that is now Movie".

Featuring The Rock as King Arlexjandrio, and Wesley Snipes as the dragon Voltrarr
Title: Re: What would happen if your (retarded) parents wrote a children's book?
Post by: Red Giant on August 26, 2009, 11:58:57 PM
Quote from: sum bitch
like a rocket

genre mixing alert

bweeyoo bweeyoo bweeyoo
Title: Re: What would happen if your (retarded) parents wrote a children's book?
Post by: Archem on August 27, 2009, 06:15:05 AM
Quote from: Darkfox on August 26, 2009, 10:36:24 PM
A bit better.
I almost didn't notice a difference. Almost.

Can't wait for the part about the zombie goasts.
Title: Re: What would happen if your (retarded) parents wrote a children's book?
Post by: Dragonium on August 27, 2009, 12:14:06 PM
Quote from: Darkfox on August 26, 2009, 11:08:50 PM
"Antigua: The Land of Fairies Wizards and Heroes that is now Movie".

Featuring The Rock as King Arlexjandrio, and Wesley Snipes as the dragon Voltrarr

Given the number of exclamation marks I think we need to cast Brian Blessed as every character.
Title: Re: What would happen if your (retarded) parents wrote a children's book?
Post by: Angel Walter on August 30, 2009, 09:11:41 PM
Quote from: Dragonium on August 27, 2009, 12:14:06 PM
Given the number of exclamation marks I think we need to cast Brian Blessed as every character.
GENIUS!
Quote from: Darkfox on August 26, 2009, 11:08:50 PM
"Antigua: The Land of Fairies Wizards and Heroes and Zombie Goasts that is now Movie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!".
Thaaat's better! (Exclamation marks are fun!!!!)
(!!!)
Title: Re: What would happen if your (retarded) parents wrote a children's book?
Post by: Darkfox on August 30, 2009, 10:06:27 PM
XD!! Yes, that is better, and more fitting.