Charas-Project
Off-Topic => Creative arts => Topic started by: Roland_Deschain on May 04, 2010, 01:48:39 AM
-
Rather than be a Thread Necromancer and bring back my year-old thread, I'll just start a new one.
Writing is a bit of a hobby of mine, and aside from a coughcoughkingdomheartscoughcough fanfiction I pretend I never wrote, it's all mostly poetry or songs.
An example: (Note: Allcaps and exclamation marks = death growls or screams)
Purgatorium
Fool of fools, king of naught!
I find you in your hole of rot.
Cast in crowns, adorned in light.
You think you have it all.
YOU! HAVE! NOTHING!
Kneel, you bastard son!
Fall! FALL!! Your reign is over
MINE! HAS! JUST! BEGUN!
In this hour of exile, we let fall the poison flames.
Upon this barren rock we let fly our haunted dreams.
Lost among the wretched, helpless in the sand, we rise to our resistance,
we prevent the fall of man.
Lost within the helpless, trapped in all you're not,.
PURGATORIUM!
You claim to be a wise man.
I see just a fool.
You claim to love us all,
Yet you are naught but cruel!
YOU! ARE! A! LIE!
I will not kneel, you bastard son!
Die! DIE! Your death will be slow
MY! HANDS! YOUR! NOOSE!
In this hour of exile, we let fall the end of dreams
Upon this wretched earth we crush the hope and peace
Lost among the wretched, helpless in the sand, we rise to our resistance,
you are the fall of man!
Lost within the helpless, trapped in all you stole!
PURGATORIUM!
Your words are a poison
I've cast from my veins
Your voice drips of venom
YOU HOLD OUR REINS!
I can see your downfall.
I can see the truth.
If you'll not accept it...
DIE! LIKE! THE! DOG! YOU! ARE!
In this end of exile I let fall your words in flames.
Upon your world of lies I bring the truth and DISSENT!
Found above the wretched, above the restless sand, I rise to my resistance,
you are the fall of MAN!
From within the helpless, out of your mind...
PURGATORIUM!
The blanket calm upon my mind,
the darkened clouds that cloud my eyes,
THESE! THINGS! ARE! NO! MORE!
These things are at their end.
So blind yet now I see,
you are not part of me,
YOU ARE YOUR OWN!
I! AM! MINE!
The ice that clouds your heart won't clear,
till the end I'll not draw near.
YOU! ARE! DARK!
Shrink from light...
find your...
purgatorium.
Probably the worst I've written... thoughts?
-
1. Wtf just happened.
2. It was cool
3. Is that a poem or just extremely weirdly composed sentances?
4. YOU! ARE! DARK!
As far as english is concerned these dont really make sense with exclamation points after each word.
5. the darkened clouds that cloud my eyes
I think you could of found a better word than using cloud Twice, unless its having todo with Special Poem rules.
6. Wtf just happened.
Over-all Pretty Cool, but i really stress points number 1 and 6 lol
-
4. As far as english is concerned these dont really make sense with exclamation points after each word.
In poetry you can use punctuation in non-conventional ways to create effect.
-
\Drama
-
Like I said, it's probably my worst lol. I wrote it at like 4 AM after a long argument. But I see your point, although the extra exclamation marks are there to convey a more intense screaming and long pause. And I suppose I could have used something other than cloud twice. I just wasn't thinking about that too hard.
And it was a song. Sorta.