Charas-Project
Off-Topic => All of all! => Forum gaming => Topic started by: WarxePB on March 07, 2009, 10:40:16 PM
-
So, as per a suggestion in that other thread, I'm restarting the Big Emerald game.
Rules:
-The Big Emerald is indestructible. It can be sold, sent to another dimension, thrown into a black hole, etc., as long as there's some way to get it back.
-Post formatting is the same as the Charas Pub. Ie.
Character 1: This is me talking!
Character 2: I am also talking!
Character 1: *slaps Character 2*
-Humor is the point of this game, so try and think of inventive ways of getting the Emerald from other posters. Don't just say "I steal the emerald from Character 1".
-This isn't a serious RP, so anything goes. Killing/reviving other characters, blowing up the Earth, using a Kamehameha no Jutsu to unseal the Five Deadly Dragons who will then get the Emerald for you - as long as it can be pulled off with humor, do it. Feel free to do RP-like stuff (create characters, come up with backstories, plot twists/exposition), but remember that it's all in good fun, and that humor should come before everything else.
TL;DR - Get the Emerald!
*After many years of drifting through space...*
Warxe: *descends from the sky in a beam of light* Ah, my old stomping grounds. *pulls out the Emerald from inside his coat* It's resonating... it must be happy to be home after all these years. Perhaps I can find the secret to unlocking its true power here... somewhere on the world of Charas. But, if the past is any indication, it will be an uphill road to simply keep it, much less figure out its secrets... Well, so be it! To any fools who would dare take this Emerald... Do not expect to do so without a fi- hey, where'd it go?
Moiledzep: Hehehe! *has the Emerald, and is running away*
Warxe: Hey, I wasn't finished my monologue! Come back here, damnit! *runs after Moiledzep*
-
Grandy: Over the years I have perfected my arts of stealing to the point I can steal that damned emerald as soon as Warxe comes back here with it! Oh, hello there.
*Moiledzep runs by*
Grandy: As soon as Warxe is back, the emerald will be mine! But wait! There he is!
Warxe: Grandy! Thanks God! Have yo-
Grandy: FALCON STEAL! *Rushes past Warxe* Let's see... wallet, pocket change, mp3, two bubblegums... Where's that damn [strike]chaos[/strike] emerald?!
Warxe: It got stolen! Moiledzep got it!
Grandy: Where's the Moiledzep?!
Warxe: Over there! *points out of screen*
Grandy: We've got to find the emerald!
Warxe: And YOU gotta help! *points at screen*
-
*on a flying carpet overhead*
Ed: What's with all these heads?
Gwonam: *with his hand to his head in a distempered manner.*
Ed: I guess I better get going.
Gwonam: *still distempered.* No. I can't do this anymore. Time after time, I must say 'come', 'Only can defeat', and 'Squadillah,' I'm sick of it.
*Gwonam kicks Ed off of the carpet.*
Gwonam: Fukuall! I am off!
*Ed lands on Moiledzep.*
-
Warxe: On that note... uh... You must eat the Emerald for dinner. *takes the Emerald from under Ed and Moiledzep*
Grandy: Great! I'll grab my stuff! *steals the Emerald from Warxe's hands*
Warxe: Oh, it's on. You will DIE! *throws a book at Grandy*
Grandy: What?
Warxe: Enough of this Youtube Poop nonsense. Grandy, the Emerald is very dangerous, and I don't think you can handle it-
Moiledzep: Dr. Rabbit! *throws Warxe into a hole*
Warxe: No! Not into the pit!
Ed: That was a terrible one-liner.
Moiledzep: Spaghetti! *runs off*
Ed: ...Wait, where'd Grandy go?
-
Pablo: Good question, where?
-
Warxe: Hey, innocent bystander. Do you have any information on a green-haired thief carrying a large green emerald?
Pablo: No, of course not.
Warxe: I see. Well, let me know if you see anyone wearing a lot of green.
Ed: But isn't St. Patrick's day coming up soon?
Warxe: Indeed. We will have to find Grandy before March 17th. Or else... the world as we know it could possibly end!
*Dun dun DUNNNNNNNN!*
-
Ed: Hey wait... But aren't you...
Pablo: No. *Runs off*
Ed: Ok.
Grandy: *Takes off disguise and changes name quite quickly.* Heh. Sucker!
Bluhman: Hands up, kid. *Points gun at running Grandy* I'm quick on the draw! In this town, I am the law!
Grandy: That rhymed.
Bluhman: Silence! You are a thief! You stole an emerald!
Grandy: But I didn't rob a house, and definitely didn't break a window pane.... Look, my sister's child is close to death... And we are starving!
Bluhman: You will starve in prison unless you learn the meaning of the law!
Grandy: I know the meaning of those nineteen year-wait, I was never imprisoned! Shut up, you stupid fool! *Kicks Bluhman in the nuts and runs off.*
Bluhman: Ow! Darnit! I shall get that emerald back to the museum and this fugitive shall be put safe behind bars... I will never rest...*Begins singing* Until then, This I swear... THIS I SWEAR BY THE STAAAAAAAAAAAARRRSS!!!
Grandy: *Sneaks back in* Are you done singing about how you're going to get me? *Runs back off*
Bluhman: Ye- Dammit, he ran off! I SWEAR, I SHALL NIP YOU IN THE BUD!!! *Gives chase*
-
Moosetroop11: *Runs alongside Grandy* Hey Grandy! What's up?
Grandy: Ah, you know. Business as usual.
MT11: Steeealing buisiness?
Grandy: ...
MT11: Where you steeeeal stuff?
Grandy: ...
MT11: ...Steeeeeeeeeeeal?
Grandy: Yes yes I stole the emerald! Are you gonna help me hide it somewhere or not?
MT11: Maaaaaybe. What's it for, anyway? Why does everyone want it so badly? *Taps the emerald*
*A HOLOGRAM OF SARAH C APPEARS*
SC: Help me Alex Boniverto. You're my only hope. *ckk* Help me alex Boniverto. You're my only hope. *ckk* Help me alex Boniverto. You're my only hope.
Grandy: ...well that's odd.
-
Warxe: ...that... that makes me C-3P0.
Ed: And?
Warxe: I AM NOT C-3P0!!! *lights Moiledzep on fire*
Moiledzep: AHHHH!
Ed: Oh the humanity!
Warxe: Now, to go and get that emerald.
***
SC: Help me Alex Boniverto. You're my only hope. *ckk*
Grandy: Why do we keep looking at this?
MT11: Because the plot calls for it?
Grandy: Guess so.
SC: Help me Alex Boniver- We're no strangers to love... You know the rules, and so do I...
MT11: Oh wow, a Rickroll. How original.
Grandy: Indeed. Next thing you know, Vegeta will come in and-
Vegeta: It's over 9000! *crushes a scouter*
Chad Warren: IMMA FIRIN MY LAZOR! *shoots a lazor at Grandy*
Grandy: Wrong meme! *runs away from the lazor*
Warxe: Ah, I knew that Hallucination spell I learned would come in handy someday. *grabs emerald*
MT11: I'm still here, you know.
Warxe: Or are you?
MT11: Don't try to pull that "There is no spoon" crap on me!
Vegeta: The balls are inert. *crushes a spoon*
MT11: ...
Warxe: Yeah. *walks away*
-
MT11: Don't assume I don't know my youtube memes. But whether I do or I don't it doesn't make a bit of difference guys, cos Warxe has the emerald!
-
Lucas: Big emerald, huh? Sounds cool.
-
Grandy: Curses! I need to find a way to grab the emerald back from Warxe! But what could I do...?
!!!
Grandy: I know! I gotta believe!
ChopchopOnionMastah: *jumps in out of nowhere*
*raps start*
Kick! Punch! it's all in the mind
If you wanna test me, I'm sure you'll find
The things I'll teach ya, is sure to beat ya
Nevertheless you'll get a lesson from teacher now
Kick
Punch
Chop
Block
Once more now Kick
Punch
Chop
And Block
Don't get cocky, it's gonna get rocky
We gonna move down to the next ya jockey now
Duck
Jump
Turn
Pose
Listen carefully, Jump
Pose
Duck
And Turn
Hmm, Yeah, I see you're stealing
Kick to the limit in order to get the thing now
Kick Punch
Chop Block
Chop Kick
Punch Block
It's gonna get harder now
Duck & Jump
Turn & Pose
Duck & Turn
Jump & Pose
Come on now, Why don't you follow my words
Because we're almost done, I'll make it easy at first
I wanna see if you wanna see what it means
To be the man with the master plan, are you the man now?
Here we go! Now
Kick Punch Block
Chop Kick Block
Block Turn & Kick it
Block Duck Punch
Duck Duck Turn
Jump Kick Chop
And Punch Punch Punch
Grandy: Whoa! I feel totally capable of taking Warxe on after this brief karate lesson! Here I go! *runs after Warxe*
-
Ed: Wait! I want to run too, Grandy!
*runs up beside Grandy.*
-
Lucas: Well, why not. Lets go! Squirtle, join me!
*runs up besides Grandy, squirle with him*
-
Warxe: Fools! Your pitiful rap skills will do nothing... against my LEET GUITAR HERO JAMMING! *whips out a Guitar Hero guitar* Blue, blue, blue-orange, green-yellow-blue, red, red, green! Ha, I just got 100% on Through The Fire and Flames on Expert! And with the Big Emerald amplifying my powers, you have no chance to survive make your time!
-
Bluhman: Psh. I'll out DDR all of you.
*Does Burning Heat on heavy. Then gets a double A.*
By performing such a worthy performance in DDR, you must give me the emerald so that I may return it to its rightful place...
-
Warxe: Curses... but an AA is an AA. ...here. *hands the emerald to Bluhman* But I shall be back! and I will be stronger than ever! *disappears in a puff of smoke*
-
Lucas: Pft. Your performance is nothing compared to my mighty Squirtle! Squirtle, use Surf!
Squirtle: ?
Lucas: Okay, lets try something easier... Ice beam?
Squirtle: *tries too hard* *farts*
Lucas: Damn you Squirtle. Damn you.
-
Cerebus: So what... you think you actually have skills? You think you're all that great? Think you're strong? Well you're not. For me, you're a mere little insect. Listen, son. Better give me that thing you hold before I hurt you.
Little Boy: Okay, okay, take it!
*Little Boy gives his lollipop to Cerebus*
Cerebus: You did the right thing, boy.
*Cerebus walks away, trying to figure of a way to eat the lollipop*
Cerebus: Damn mask... it's because of things like this there are wars going on... if only I could turn it into gas, I could inhale it through my mask... but only molten Big Emerald can produce enough energy to gasify such things...
Little Boy: Who are you talking to you freak?
Cerebus: Shut up, kid! Or else I will... wait, what's this? That guy over there... he has a Big Emerald? Uhm... if I could get my hand on it, I'll be able to eat the lollipop! But it seems I'm not the only one after it... better hide and wait for a good opportunity to strike.
*Cerebus hides behind a tree*
-
*the tree is Grandy on disguise*
Grandy: >_> Youre touching my butt.
-
Bluhman: Welp. This shall be commemorated as the ancient relic that was used to defeat thousands of armies in times of old. Truely, a relic of great power... As such, it must be kept under guard for the good of the law.
Everyone else: Awwwwwww.. :(
Bluhman: It's for our own good. Now then, I must be on my way.
*Gets into a black car and drives off*
Warxe: Well... I guess that ends that. Darn... Now I'll never learn the secret to my power.
Cerebus: Forget that. I just need that emerald to gassify this lollipop! Get back here!
*Dashes after Bluhman's car*
-
Grandy: I was never one to obey the law to begin with. And -EAGLE'S EYE- (if ya don't know, it's basically Grandy's way to activating Za Warudo, only time slows down instead of stopping). YAAAAAAAA! *runs until he's on parallel with the car*
Bluhman: What the-
Grandy: *on a tiny accelerated voice* BluhmanstopyourcarImgoingintogettheemeraldbackohdeargodAHWALL.*hits the side of a building head first*
Bluhman: Well, teaches him for trying to get my emerald. It's right on my pocket! *puts hand in the pocket, it's gone*
Grandy: Eheh... *holds up emerald* I don't even know why I want this thing, I just do!
-
*Ed takes it out of Grandy's hands.*
Grandy: Hey! Give that back.
Ed: One sec, I just wanna look at it.
*Ed holds it up to his eye and rotates it, staring into it.*
Grandy: C'mon.
Ed: Just a sec!
...
Grandy: C'mon, Ed.
Ed: Hold on!
Grandy:...
...
*Grandy shoves it into Ed's eye and walks off with it.*
Ed: What a jerk.
-
*Bluhman stops the car and gets out*
Bluhman: Hey, you, Grandy! Stop right there and put the emerald down!
Grandy: Oh yeah?
Bluhman: Yeah!
Grandy: Well... Oh, hey, who's that behind you?
Bluhman: Eh?
*Bluhman turns around, just to be stabbed by the toxic blade of Cerebus!*
Bluhman: Gack. Ow. I am slain. *Walks off to a nearby Police Station, with the sword still stuck in his body.*
Grandy:... What...
Cerebus: I don't know. Anyway, I see you have my emerald now... And I damn well want it!
Grandy: Oh yeah? You'll have to fight me for it... Without your trusty blade either!
Cerebus:...Dammit.
-
Warxe: Poof!
*Warxe appears in a puff of smoke*
Warxe: Little do you know that I have had the real Emerald all along, and the object Grandy has is an impeccable replica! *holds up the emerald*
Grandy: But how do you know that the one you have is real?
Warxe: Because of this! *Warxe charges the Emerald up with electrical energy*
Cerebus: Don't you dare say it.
Warxe: Ancient Egyptian Laser Beam! *fires a gigantic energy beam that destroys a nearby mountain*
Grandy: Wow, that's pretty impressive. Almost as impressive as that mushroom cloud forming out of the debris.
Warxe: Eh? *turns his head*
Grandy: Yoink! *swaps the fake emerald with the real one*
Warxe: Hah! You don't think I anticipated this? I have had the fake all along! And with that, I shall now take my leave!
Grandy: But don't you want to stay for the buffet?
Warxe: ...what?
Cerebus: Yeah... the buffet... over there. *points to the mushroom cloud*
Warxe: I won't fall for the same tri- *in mid-sentence, Grandy swaps the two emeralds multiple times*
Grandy: I have the real one now.
Warxe: Do you, now? What if I told you that they're both fakes, and that I have had the emerald hidden secretly hidden in a pocket dimension?
Grandy: Then I'd say you were bullshitting.
Warxe: ...touche. *walks away*
-
Cerberus: So... is this the real one?
Grandy: I'm afraid only God knows.
.....*both walk to a church*
Grandy: Yo! Almighty! Is this the one?
Jesus: *from the cross* Sure, why not?
Cerberus&Grandy: EXCELENT! *air guitar*
-
Captain Falcon and Pink Falcon: COME ON!
*engine sounds*
CFaPF: BLUE FALCON!
CF: *rams Cerberus with the Blue Falcon*
PF: *rams Grandy with the Blue Falcon*
CFaPF: ULTIMATE FUSHUN HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
*Captain Falcon and Pink Falcon fuse*
*Captain Ultimate Loverboy Bill is born*
CULB: *steals the emerald* MUWAHAHAHA!
-
Lucas: Squirtle, use Bubblebeam!
*hits CULB with the beam of bubbles, causing him to drop the emerald*
Lucas: Ha! Its mine now!
Grandy: I wouldn't be so sure...
Cerebus: Yes, its clearly mine.
Grandy: Wait, thats not what I meant.
*Grandy and cerebus start to argue about the emerald's ownership*
Lucas: *takes the emerald and runs away*
-
Cerebus: You're lucky my poisoned blade is still stuck with Bluhman, else I would've killed you already!
Grandy: How do you know his name?
Cerebus Shut up! I know, that's all.
Grandy: Whatever... anyway I don't have the Emerald, that guy and his Squirtle took it away while we were arguing.
Cerebus: How original... Uhm, well, seems like arguing won't do much... say, why don't we team up to to steal that Emerald from that guy?
Grandy: Why should I trust you?
Cerebus: If I can trust a thief, surely you can trust a Colonel!
Grandy: ...Colonel?
Cerebus: Yes.
Grandy: ...of an army?
Cerebus: Well, yes.
Grandy: Why didn't you just send soldiers to get it for you?
Cerebus: Hah! I.. I already did that!
Grandy: So why are you picking up your cellphone?
Cerebus: Not to call reinforcements!
*Grandy grabs the cellphone and smash it on the floor*
Cerebus: What the sock!? I thought you thief stole things instead of crushing them..
Grandy: Whatever...
Cerebus: Nevermind that team... you're too mean! You'll probably steal the Emerald when I won't look. Farewell!
*Cerebus throws a toxic bomb on the floor and run after Lucas*
Cerebus: ...let's just hope he activates the bomb.
-
Lucas: Damn, he's coming after us! Squirtle, bite him!
(http://i124.photobucket.com/albums/p6/lucas_irineu/2.png)
-
*Ed fires eyebeams at Squirtle, knocking him off.*
Ed: Go Cerebus! Go! Get to tha choppah!
Cerebus: What?
*Choppah lands on Cerebus.*
Grandy: Great. I can use this to get the emerald back from Lucas!
-
Lucas: Squirtle, return!
Squirtle: *returns*
Lucas: *stares at ed* You... It was you!
*flashback*
Ed: Go vulpix!
Lucas: That joke's getting old. Go wailord!
Ed: Vulpix, decapitate!
*decapitates*
Lucas: Wailord?
Ed: Well what you know... Whales look like t bones in the middle.
*flashback ends*
Lucas: You are gonna pay for what you did to Wailord!
*grabs pokéball, runs towards ed*
Lucas: AAAAAAAAAAH!
*jumps, throws pokéball on ed's face, resulting in Ed getting caught and being trapped on another dimension*
Lucas: You can now rest in peace, Wailord.
-
Grandy: You know, all you needed to do was to bring it to a pokemon center. They can cure multiple deaths.
-
Grandy: You know, all you needed to do was to bring it to a pokemon center. They can cure multiple deaths.
http://www.charas-project.net/forum/index.php?topic=20785.15
Lucas: They can cure poison, faint, burn, paralisy, but NOT DEATH. =C
-
Grandy: You just didn't go to the Emerald Powered pokemon center! If you bring them a Big Emerald, they can cure EVERYTHING!
-
Captain Ultimate Loverboy Bill: NOMNOMNOM EATING POTATO CHIPS NOMNOMNOM. INTERESTING CONVERSATION HMM? *is back up*
-
Lucas: Oh, really?
Grandy: Yes, really.
Lucas: *traps grandy into another dimension with a pokéball*
Lucas: Wailord, I am bringing you back!
*raises emerald in the air, like link does when he gets items*
-
*YOU GOT THE EMERALD!*
"The Big Emerald is a relic of immense power. But what does it do? Well, that's up to you! Set it to X, Y or Z to use its effect."
Lucas: Wait, who narrated that?
Warxe: Me!
Lucas: You! *throws a Pokeball that releases Grandy*
Grandy: I'm not saying it.
Lucas: You don't have a choice.
Grandy: *sigh* Grandy... grandy.
Warxe: Pokemon, hm? *uses a Snag Ball and captures Grandy*
Lucas: What? Hey, that's cheating!
Warxe: Never played Pokemon Coliseum, hm? Well, sucks to be you. *releases Grandy* Now, Grandy, go and run free!
Grandy: Uhh.... okay. *runs off*
Warxe: Now, that emerald is mine.
Lucas: I still have other Pokemon!
Warxe: Yeah, well I don't care about them. Blizzard! *freezes Lucas in place and takes the emerald*
Cerebus: Hey, that wasn't very funny! You're going against the rules!
Warxe: Bite me. *walks away*
Cerebus: But... I can't...
-
*Ed smashes his way out of the ball.*
Ed: I AM NOT FOR DIE!
*Stares at frozen Lucas.*
Ed: Hm...
*Watches Warxe walk away.*
Ed: Hey!
*Warxe turns back.*
Ed: Dance your cares away.
-
*Warxe is running along with the emerald. Suddenly, Chisoku appears!*
Chisoku: You there! Dead Bluhman sent me to get that emerald back where it belongs.
Warxe: Dead Bluhman?
Chisoku: Yeah. He was stabbed through the heart with a poison blade.
Bluhman: *Peeks out from behind a random building* Yes, it is most grievous.
Chisoku: May his soul rest in piece
Bluhman: Yes... Now, avenge my death, Chisoku! *Goes back behind the corner*
Warxe: What the... If Bluhman is dead, then why is-
Chisoku: He's dead! OK?! *Kicks Warxe across the face, takes the emerald, and drives off on his motorcycle, with Bluhman jumping on the seat behind him.*
Warxe:... What... The... Fuuuuu.....
Chisoku: Bluhman... I will revive you with the power of this emerald!
Bluhman: That's my boy!
Chisoku: Thanks. Though... Are you really dead?
Bluhman: YES. I AM SLAIN. *Points to the poison blade still embedded inside his torso*
Chisoku: Oh. Very well.
-
Ed: I want this game to live!!!
*fires a beam at the motorcycle, causing it to explode.*
-
*emerald flies out of the explosion, and falls directly in Grandy's pocket*
Grandy: What an absurd coincidence!
*runs*
-
Lucas: Come back here! Bastard.
*jumps on squirtle's back*
Run squirtle, run!
-
*Knocks Squirtle away as Ed surfs on an invisible surfboard after Grandy.*
Ed: landboard, transform!
*transforms into a bulldozer.*
*Ed rolls after Grandy.*
-
Lucas: Ouch! Come back here!
*runs after ed*
-
*Fruckert walks in*
Fruck: Eh...what's going on?
*Grandy runs into me*
*I get a hold of the emerald*
Fruck: Uh...wut?
-
*fruckert is hit with a beam from the sky.*
fruckert: GAHHHHHHHHHH
Ed: This is it, final attack!
*Ed leaps out of the bulldozer and spins, colliding into fruckert, pushing both of them into a tree.*
Ed: YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY!? THAT EMERALD IS THE KEY TO DESTROYING THE ARMY!"
frcukert: You're trying to fight an army now?
Ed: No. I'm here to revive Bluhman.
-
Fruckert: Ah...okay...here you go
-
*yoinks emerald*
Grandy: I'm sorry my dear friends, but if you want the amazing power of this emerald, you'll need to pay... *points pinky finger to mouth* A BILLION DOLLARS!! *dramatic zoom*
-
*Camera zooms back out*
Grandy: And now to make my dastardly getaway with the... wait, what?
*Dragonium has already escaped with the emerald, moved to Cuba, and founded a crime racket smuggling gerbils into Italy*
-
Captain Ultimate Loverboy Bill: *casts Life 3 on topic*
Unfortunately for Dragonium, CULB is now the dictator of Cuba and has cut off all outside connections, building a literal titanium wall around the island. His smuggling organization crumbles and he now much work his wages by begging for pepperonis off of the side of the road and then selling them to the local pizza parlor. CULB offers an escape...
CULB: The emerald for this case of a billion cubanian bills (the new currency of Cuba) that is totally not really a time bomb. *quickly swaps the case for the emerald and runs like hell*
Citizens of the island see a random beggar holding a briefcase explode.
-
Warxe: *grabs CULB's collar* Listen here, buddy. You give me the emerald, and I won't break your legs.
CULB: And if I don't?
Warxe: Hmm... haven't used summoning arts in a while. *summons Grandma CULB*
CULB: Not Grandmammy?!
Warxe: Not only that, but she's time-displaced. If I kill her, you cease to exist!
CULB: ...No! I still won't hand over the emerald!
Warxe: You're a tough egg to crack, it seems. Very well then. This might kill you a little! *stabs Grandma CULB, killing her*
CULB: NOOOooooo... wait, I didn't cease to exist.
Warxe: I must have summoned an alternate Grandma CULB. Guess my aim's a bit rusty.
Dragonium: *runs in from the distance* Hey, I want that emerald back! You took it from me offscreen!
CULB: Never! *runs like hell*
Drag: Come back he-, wait, why is there a dead old woman on the ground?
Warxe: She had terminal cancer.
Drag: Ah, I see. Uh, shouldn't we run after that guy?
Warxe: No need. 5...4...3...2...1. *at 1, CULB falls down a hole* My summoning's a bit rusty, but my precognition's spot on.
Drag: You're kind of a Mary Sue.
Warxe: I resent being called Sue!
Drag: But not Mary?
Warxe: Let's just say that drinking five bottles of absinthe over a two-hour period is not a smart idea. Anyways, uh... I'm gonna go get that emerald. And since I'm controlling this post, you're not going to do anything about it.
Drag: Okay. *twiddles thumbs*
*Warxe jumps in the hole, and reappears a few minutes later with the emerald in hand.*
Drag: Uh, still not doing anything.
Warxe: Good. *walks away*
-
*Warxe gets kicked from just offscreen. By Chisoku*
Chisoku: I, however, am. Sorry, dude, but I've got an old friend to revive. *Takes the emerald, and runs off onto a plane back to Roosevelt City*
Warxe: Ow... Darnit, the emerald's on the run again! Come on Drag, we've got a plane to catch!
Drag:...What? Oh, right-o!
*Warxe and Dragonium run for the plane, but then suddenly the plane catapults into the sky and flies off to america.*
Warxe: Shoot! Now we're stuck here!
Drag: If only we could find somebody to take us...
*Suddenly, Giligan pulls in on a boat in the docks and looks over to Warxe and Dragonium.*
Giligan: Hey, need a ride?
Warxe: Sure, thanks!
Drag: I do not see how this could possibly go wrong.
(Meanwhile, back in Roosevelt City, USA)
Chisoku: It is time for us to revive Bluhman!
Tri-Emerald: Are you sure this will work?
Chisoku: No question about it. I asked Bluhman, personally.
Bluhman: Yes, and after that, we can return the emerald to the museum and this whole fiasco can be put to rest.
Tri-Emerald: Why are you talking if you're dead?
Bluhman: JUST ACCEPT IT, OKAY? Also, your prescense in this game is going to make things very weird now...
Tri-Emerald:...
*Bluhman is revived with some crazy naked dancing ritual thing. Whatever.*
Bluhman: Now I'm alive! Come on, gang, let's return this jewel!
E'vryone: Yay.
*Ev'ryone gets into Bluhman's car and drives to the museum... When SUDDENLY....*
-
***
Marik: Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale, a tale of a fateful trip...
Odion: Master Marik, we should be arriving in Domino City in approximately 4 episodes.
Marik: Excellent! That gives us time for at least 1 children's card game.
Gilligan: Wait, where's the skipper?
Marik: I AM the skipper! And he's Gilligan.
Warxe: Then that makes me the doctor?
Dragonium: And I'm the rich guy!
Warxe: Gah. Enough of this pop culture mishmash. *teleports away*
Dragonium: Hey, wait for me!
*A giant typhoon forms*
Dragonium: What a surprising and unavoidable end!
***
*Ev'ryone gets into Bluhman's car and drives to the museum... When SUDDENLY....*
Warxe: *appears in the middle of the road* BWAHAHAHAHA! I'M WARXE!
Bluhman: OSHI- *swerves to dodge Warxe*
Warxe: No museum can contain the power of the Big Emerald. Only my vaguely defined plan to unlock the power of the Emerald and conquer the world makes true use of the Emerald.
Bluhman: Never! Don't make me bust out the DDR again.
Warxe: I won't allow that, because, in between making yet another reference to YGOTAS and being an endless barrel of exposition, I contacted some old friends...
Razor: Yeah, Razor's on the scene! I'm the Razornaut, bitch! And all that.
Bluhman: I... no. I can't beat a furry at DDR. *hands Warxe the emerald*
Razor: Hey, I'm not a furry! I have a new persona. He's an astronaut.
Bluhman: Go yiff in hell, furfag.
Warxe: And with that, I'm gone. *vanishes*
-
Lucas: Wait, what! I dont even know where I am anymore.
Squirtle: Squirt!
Lucas: *cries*
-
Darrellito: I have arrived! *stands in a magnificent pose.*
Bluhman: Oi, Donatello. Your late. Warxe just walked off with the fake stone. We need to make our way to the museum real quick like.
Darrellito: Righto boss. Lemme have the shiny and I'll make with the hoppity hop.
*Bluhman hands over the real emerald to Darrellito*
Darrellito: Okie doke, I be there real fast.
Voice in Darrellito's head: TAKE ME TO SMOOCHY MOUNTAIN!
Darrellito: But boss says your to goes to teh museum.
Emerald: I BE YUR NEW BOSS MAN
Darrellito: Okies. Smoochy Mountain it is.
*Darrellito disappears into the shadows with the emerald*
-
--- Above the planet ---
David: *Checks intruments* Are you sure this is the right palnet, Rusty?
R2R4: *Beep bop doodle! Beep boop bop booop*
David: Okay! I'm sorry i didn't beleive you. Sheesh!
Jet: *wlaks in muching on a poisoned twinkie* What's going on?
David: It's nothing. The instruments were acting funky... hey wait a minute! What are doing onmy ship?
Jet: Hm? Oh yeah.. Well it it's long story.-
David: Nevermind, you can tell me when we land.
--- back on the surface ---
Darrellito:Ha ha! The emerald is mine! Now to use it's power to awaken the evilspirt of the emer- Wait a minute, this doesn't look right.
Voice: WHAT DO MEAN?
Darellito: Well for starters, why is there a giant bull's eye in the middle of this lush green feild? I mena that ju- *Is crushed by the David's ship*
David: *deceneds landing ramp* What a beutiful planet. just look at this lush eco system! We need protect and maintian- Ooof!
Jet: *Knocks David down* Ohh man I think i'm going to be sick! *hurls all over a rabbit*
David:..... (I need new freinds)
Darellitto: *Under landing gear* Owwww.. Y-you tri-trick-k-ked -me-- meh *Dies*
Voice: Mwa ha ha ha! Now to roll away and escap- *Is picked up* WTF?!
David: What in the world is this giant emerald doing out hear in this beutiful feild?
Jet: Ulp oooh *Freezes and sees emerald* Nyah nuaa!
David: Jet? You feeling okay?
Jet: Give us that David.
David: Why?
Jet: Becuse it's my birthday.... and i want it.
David: Uh look, a hooker with a whole box of poisoned twinkies and two jug of beer!
Jet: :O Realy where? *looks around*
David: *Force runs the other way*
-
*OUTAR SPACE, words start rolling and falling to the background at the theme of Star Wars*
BIG EMERALD
EPISODE III
After being defeated on his own game by Dragonium, Grandy lost the Big Emerald, which ended in the hands of David. After regaining his confidence, Grandy finds his way to confront and get back what once belonged to him.
*scene goes to a Star Destroyer-esque spaceship, an Empire Tie Fighter flies into it and lands inside a docking area*
Grandy: *Jumps out of the Tie Fighter, dressed in a dark robe, gets surrounded by stormtroopers, then slowly raises up and activates a green lightsaber*
Grandy: George Lucas will sooo sue my ***!
*forces push the troopers in front of him, the other start shooting at him*
*Grandy ignores the lasers and slowly walks to a door to the deck, before leaving, he looks back to the stormtroopers and points at them*
Grandy: Your aiming sucks!
Stormtroopers: *look at their own feet, ashamed*
--IN THE DECK--
David: *looking at outer space* So... you have came. I have been expecti-
Grandy: *force pushes David into outer space through the window*
David:(Darth Vader's) NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Grandy: There we go. *force pulls the emerald back to himself* Yesz! ......*looks at own hand, then points to a few rubble and glass shards* *they start floating in circles*
Grandy: Hehe, funny powers. =D *spends some more time playing with his absurd midi-chlorians*
-
Meanwhile, while all of this has been taking place, a lone Package has been floating through outer space....
*Package floats through broken window*
Grandy:Wtfomgbbqhax?
Package:Yo, homie!
Grandy:ONOEZ MY FATE IS SEALED!!11!!!1
*Package transforms into Deluxe Package*
-------------------------------------
Wild GRANDY appeared!
Go! DLXEPCKAGE! (DLXEPCKAGE's cry)
What will DLXEPCKAGE do? [Fight] [Bag] [Charasmon] [Run]
[UPS Truck] [Mailbox Smash] [onoezadillema] [Steal Emerald]
DLXEPCKAGE used UPS Truck!
Enemy GRANDY has been flattened!
Enemy GRANDY is paralyzed.
DLXEPCKAGE used Steal Emerald!
Enemy GRANDY is ticked off!
DLXEPCKAGE fled!
-
As Deluxe Package breaks for it a dark figure of a semi-muscular man emerges from the shadows, his hair red, his eyes glowing red, piercings in both his ears, two in the right, one large one in the left and one through his left eyebrow, he wears a torn shirt and wrn pants, he looms over the package with an evil toothy grin then...
Red: YOINK! *takes the emerald and runs* Hahahaha! Fast fast as you can be, you can never catch Red Rumi! Ya loooosers! *hits a wall* ...I MEANT to do that! *continues running*
(Red Rumor is a recent abnozious character from the bizarre world of my mind)
-
Grandy: Wall! Did he hurt you buddy? Wall? Speak to me! Wall?! WALL?!! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAALL!!!!!!!!!! Red Rumor, you can't do that! You'll creat a TIME PARADOX! Unless you gimme that shinny thing you're holding.
-
Red: Time paradox! Oh no! Those are ba- *hair turns blue*
Blue: You fool, do not give him our Emerald. Time paradoxes do not occur in such a manner as it is statistically impossible as we have not tinkered with the space-time continuum. It is simple elementary my other half. *hair turns red*
Red: Uhhhhh... *blank look as if his brain has been fried* wa-yu-say?
Blue: Fool! Such is a time for trepidation!
Red: Trepi-wha?
Blue: Run you incompetent ape!
Red: Oh! Right! Look Grandy, *points* a TimeSplitter! *runs* And you mean to say WE are an incompetent ape!
Blue: Ohhhh shut up...
-
Grandy: *turns around, a Timesplitter is standing there*
Grandy: :D
--TWO POSTS IN THE PAST--
As Deluxe Package breaks for it a dark figure of a semi-muscular man emerges from the shadows, his hair red, his eyes glowing red, piercings in both his ears, two in the right, one large one in the left and one through his left eyebrow, he wears a torn shirt and wrn pants, he looms over the package with an evil toothy grin then...
Red: YOINK!
*Time portal opens up and Grandy's foot sticks from it in front of Red's leg*
Red: *trips in the foot and drops the emerald*
Grandy: *comes out from portal* Thank you, Mr. Splitter! What a nice fellah. *grabs emerald from the ground*
-
Grandy: he he! That was too easy!
*Suddenly a time portal opens up and an older looking version of Grandy comes out*
Grandy: What the..? Who the-?
Future Pablo: Grandy? Is that you?
Grandy: Nice try, David! I know it's you using a Force illusion! *Ingnites lightsaber*
Future Pablo: No wait it's realy me! I've come from the future to tell-
Grandy:-me that the emerald is dangerous and that it must be transpoted into the future with you?
Future Pablo: ...Uh yeah pretty much. How;d you know?
Grandy: Becuase under that mask you're realy *pulls off mask*
Crowd: *Gasp*
Grandy: It was you all along, Archem? You're the one who killed Bluhman, but why?
Archem: Why? You ask me WHY?!
Grandy: Pretty much, yeah.
Archem: Honestly? I intend to use it to ascend to the power of a divine being and take over Charas! Mwa ha ha ha ha!!
Grandy:....Okay....
Archem: Now give me the emreald!
Grandy: Never! I would rather die than- *Mini missile hits Grandy*
Archem: Whoa! **** man, what the **** just happened?
R2R4: Dweedle doop. *stores emerald in chest cavity* Doop! *Treads away*
-
Darrellito: *Appears out of the shadows near Fish*
Darrellito: <.< >.> Seems like the coast is clear.
*Walks up next the the R2 unit*
Darrellito: AUUUGH STOP YELLING AT ME!
*Uses one of his arm blades to pry open R2's chest cavity*
Emerald: IT BE ABOUT TIME BOYO. WHAT TOOK YA?
Darrellito: Well, I got landed on by a ship, and I only had one life left, so I had to find 50 cents and here I am.
Emerald: ALL RIGHT LAD AWAY WIT YE AND I TO THE MOUNTAINS!
Darrellito: Right boss.
*Takes emerald and disappears back into the shadows*
-
Darrellito: Heh! That was easy, now to take this Emerald to- *hit's a bunny* WTF?!
Darrellito: Are you okay?
Bunny:......
Darrellito: :O Oh no! I think I killed him! Waaah!
Jet: *Dressed like Doctor* Step aside! I'm a doctor who can predict the future!
Man: Doctor Who?
Jet: Doctor what?
Man: No, Doctor Who!
Jet: I think you have a bad case of splitting head ache.
Man: What? That's ridiculous I don- *Is hit by giant mallet*
Jet: Wait... I forgot to count for variable change...*Imp smile* Whoops! Now come here my precious! *Grabs Emerald* It's all *is tackled by bunny* Aaaaaaah! Ow ow! Let go meh ear! Aaaah! Th pain!
-
.....but little did they know...
....that due to the Thirty Xanatos Pile Up (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/ThirtyXanatosPileup)....
Grandy had the emerald
Grandy: *DRAMATIC CAMERA ZOOM, then slowly rises his head* Just as planned. [/Kira]
-
Lucas: Did I miss anything?
-
*Ed grabs Grandy's arm and puts a ring on him.*
Ed: You're the tenth now!
*Ed runs off.*
Grandy: ....
-
Captain Ultimate Loverboy Bill: Ha! I'm not quite dead yet!
*gets trampled by the fleeing Ed*
Unfortunately for Grandy... CULB was just playing a complicated game of Xanatos Speed Chess! (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/XanatosSpeedChess) CULB actually has the emerald and Gurdy actually has a sports bra fashioned many ways to look identical to the emerald!
CULB: *DRAMATIC CAMERA ZOOM, then slowly rises his head* Just as planned. [/Kira] (http://img157.imageshack.us/img157/8840/asplannedrd3.jpg)
-
ClUB was about to get up when suddenly....
CLUB: Ha! That was too easy-
Ed: *Ignite Lightsaber* *Vader-like voice* "Give me the Emerald."
CLUB: "James Earl Jones is that you? I thought you were dead."
Ed: "........ Screw it!" *Force chokes CLUB to death and takes Emerald* "Ha! Now the Emerald is mine! With it's power I shall *A man swings in on a rope and takes the Emerald from Darth Ed* Whaaa??
David: "Aaaaaaaahaaaaaa! Two can play this game of 'impersonating pepole from old movies'! *Swings away* [/tarzan]
Ed: "David wacth out for that tree!"
David: "Huh? What- *KERSMACK* treeee...."
The Emerald lands in Warxe's hands.
Warxe: "When will pepole learn that TV is dangerous?"
-
Ed: Enough play! Tetkus, take the emerald!
...
Ed: Right. Tetkus isn't here.
-
Captain Ultimate Loverboy Bill stands back up after being dead.
CULB: When will you learn...
*runs into Warxe with the Blue Falcon and knocks him skyward*
CULB: Show me your moves!
*hops out of the cockpit towards Warxe*
CULB: Ultimate Loverboy... PAWNCH!
*slaps Warxe and sends him flying into Darth Ed, taking the emerald somewhere along the line*
-
The emerald fall into Jet's hands.
Jet: "Hey the flipping Emerald-Wait a minute! Every time i get the ***8ing thing I get tackled by a bunny. This time I brought protection though! *Equips bunny prof shield* ha now try something you fury- *Spots Playboy Bunny* Huba huba!
*runs over too woman*
Jet: Hey there, sexy lady!
Bunny: Hey yourself, handsome man!
Jet: How's about you and I head back to my place and bow bboew chika wow wow?
Bunny: Um I kind of need a down payment first, okay?
Jet: Huh? Oh sure i'll just-hey where did my wallet go?
Bunny: Is there a problem?
Jet: Er!..no problem I just need to..
Bunny: What about that big thing in your hand?
Jet: The Emerald? Gee I don't know..
Emerald: No, you fool she's tricking you!
Jet: Probly but still...
Emerald: There is no "but still" dicth her!
Bunny: Oh I see you're not high roller. Okay I leave now.
Jet: No! Wait, take it!
Bunny: *Catches Emerald* Than you! now let's gwet to the good part the.. how do you say..banging?
Jet: Yeah!
Bunny: First close your eyes.
Jet: *Coses eyes*
Bunny: *Stuff bomb down Jet's pant's* Bye bye, lover!
Jet: Hey... where's the bang- oh boy *KABOOM*
Bunny: *Lightly tosses Emerald in hand* "See ya! <3
-
*From nowhere comes a spaceship and from it comes out a man*
uilo:At least! i finally arrived here, where the emerald lies.. wait a fu**** momment *looks at Bunny --ZOOM to bunny´s hands--* THE EMERALD!! *Starts running to Bunny blanding a Two handed sword* Come here!!
Bunny:What the heck do you want?! *looks behind and sees the sword* O m g! *starts running but it´s too late*
uilo:Well that was easy *cleans the blood from the sword* how much blood does she got O_O??... Ok now back to the Spaceship! *glorious pose*
Bunny:tehehe... did u think that u defeated me???
uilo: O_O Who the Heck are you?!?! *draw his Full customised Desert Eagle* Die already! *shoots al the ammunition he could* iuff i think that made it.... wait... where the fu*** is the emerald?!?!?!
-
*Meanwhile, deep in the depths of deep space, on a starship...*
(http://ll-658.ea.com/spore/static/thumb/500/317/658/500317658499.png): Captain, we have detected a shiny thing floating through space.
(http://ll-654.ea.com/spore/static/thumb/500/317/654/500317654904.png): Draw it on board cadet.
*The shiny thing is drawn into the ship and examined.*
(http://ll-375.ea.com/spore/static/thumb/500/276/375/500276375084.png): What could it be?
(http://ll-654.ea.com/spore/static/thumb/500/317/654/500317654904.png): It's a big emerald, stupid.
(http://ll-658.ea.com/spore/static/thumb/500/317/658/500317658499.png): Wonder what it might taste like?
(http://ll-375.ea.com/spore/static/thumb/500/276/375/500276375084.png): Well, it must be sprite flavored, it's so green!
(http://ll-658.ea.com/spore/static/thumb/500/317/658/500317658499.png): No way, it must be melon-flavored. Sprite was never that green!
(http://ll-375.ea.com/spore/static/thumb/500/276/375/500276375084.png): Well, the bottle was definitely that green, so it must taste like the bottle then!
(http://ll-654.ea.com/spore/static/thumb/500/317/654/500317654904.png): INFIDELS!!! Why are you discussing this?! You do not eat emeralds! Now, go off somewhere else while a true master examines this gemstone.
(http://ll-375.ea.com/spore/static/thumb/500/276/375/500276375084.png)(http://ll-658.ea.com/spore/static/thumb/500/317/658/500317658499.png): Yes sir.
*The two crew members run out the door.*
(http://ll-654.ea.com/spore/static/thumb/500/317/654/500317654904.png): At last... The big emerald is mine to eat and absorb into mine flesh and take over the galaxy! Kuahahahhaaaaa!!!
(http://ll-929.ea.com/spore/static/thumb/500/273/929/500273929496.png): *Floats in mystically*... WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY CRYSTALLINE BROTHER!? PUT HIM DOWN!!! *Zaps the captain with electric powers.
(http://ll-654.ea.com/spore/static/thumb/500/317/654/500317654904.png): Ow! You nut, do you not see what I shall gain from consuming this jewel?!
(http://ll-929.ea.com/spore/static/thumb/500/273/929/500273929496.png): CAPTAIN, IT IS A POWER THOU CANNOT FATHOM. I CANNOT ALLOW THEE TO EAT THE EMERALD. THAT, AND IT'S MY BROTHER, SO I REALLY WOULDN'T LIKE YOU EATING HIM.
(http://ll-654.ea.com/spore/static/thumb/500/317/654/500317654904.png): This is ludicrous. The only way to determine which one of us could possibly be right is by shear force!
(http://ll-929.ea.com/spore/static/thumb/500/273/929/500273929496.png): SO BE IT. HAVE AT YOU, AS I AM A MASTER OF THE FORCES OF ELECTRICITY AND MAGIC!!!
*And so, an epic fight takes place, when suddenly...*
(http://ll-375.ea.com/spore/static/thumb/500/276/375/500276375084.png): Hey, nobody's piloting this thing, and now we're about to crash into this blue planet thing. Is everyone ok with that?
(http://ll-929.ea.com/spore/static/thumb/500/273/929/500273929496.png)(http://ll-654.ea.com/spore/static/thumb/500/317/654/500317654904.png)(http://ll-658.ea.com/spore/static/thumb/500/317/658/500317658499.png): 'Salright.
(http://ll-375.ea.com/spore/static/thumb/500/276/375/500276375084.png): Ok.
*Ship crashes, emerald flies out of the ship into Bluhman's hand.*
Bluhman: Oh. How convenient. Now I just need to get this thing back to the museum! *Jumps into his car and drives off on the freeway.*
(http://ll-929.ea.com/spore/static/thumb/500/273/929/500273929496.png): NO! DAMN YOU, DAMN YOU TO HELL, PURPLE-BEARDED MENACE!! I SHALL AVENGE MY BROTHER!!!
(http://ll-654.ea.com/spore/static/thumb/500/317/654/500317654904.png): That stupid Big Emerald ain't your brother, and when I get MY hands on it, I'm going to eat it and become god, so there! Now outta my way!!
-
Meanwhile, after a resuscitation ceremony:
Fruckert: My dear alienamabobs, I fear that we are fighting for the wrong reasons. I so clearly deserve this emerald, as I am...
*dramatic zoom*
It's father
Aliens (in unison): How the hell does that work?
Fruckert: I'm a dwarf, it all works out.
Aliens (in unison): Ah, well you STILL CAN'T HAVE IT!
AHAHAHAHA!
Fruckert: NO I MUST HAVE IT I DESIRE TO BECOME A GOD! *snatches*
-
Lucas: You are stupid.
Fruckert: No you are.
Lucas: Squirtle, water gun!
*Squirtle uses its water gun, that fruckert blocks with his beard*
Fruckert: You cant beat me!
Lucas: *hits fruckert in the head with a pokeball*
*Fruckert faints*
Lucas: Yay! Now, aliens, hand the emerald! I need it in order to catch them all!
-
Uberpwn: Stop right there!
Lucas: :O
Squirtle: :O
Aliens: :O
Uberpwn: The emerald is mine! I shall drain its power unto myself... And become the most powerful being alive!
-
Bluhman: Um.. Guys? I'm driving on the freeway with the emerald, here. Those aliens don't have the eme-
*Suddenly, because Bluhman is not paying attention to the road, his car rockets off the side of a turn and bumps into a tree trunk, bursting into flames.*
Bluhman: *Gets up from the wreckage, body on fire and with an arm missing.* I'm dead. *Walks off into the woods, holding the emerald in the remaining hand, in the general direction of his secret base*
Everyone: ...
(http://ll-929.ea.com/spore/static/thumb/500/273/929/500273929496.png): THAT STILL MAKES NO GODDAMN SENSE.
-
Fruckert: Wait...I still have the emerald.
Bluhman: *looks at emerald in hand*
*they look at each other*
/lame plottwist
-
Bluhman: What? How can this be!?
*Angel walks into shot from nowhere in particular*
Angel: Let me explain. You see when Fruckert lost the emerald what he actually lost was a miniature ninja using an illusion jutsu that just happens to-YOINK!
*Grabs emerald and runs towards the horizon*
Angel: HA!
*Angel proceeds to fall over the horizon, dropping the emerald a split second before going over the edge. Everyone looks at each other, waiting for them to make the next move*
-
xcopy schilcote area:emerald
Schilcote Surprise! *grabs emerald*
del bluman, angel
Compilotron: You do not have permission to delete these files.
Schilcote: Blamm. But I have the emerald, for which I came to this universe, and I shall combine its power with the incredible power of my own internal reactor to finally have the power to defeat Weegee!
Schilcote: Heavy, take care of them!
xcopy C:\steam\schilcote\tf2\heavy area:bluman