Make a wish and have it horribly corrupted!

[MissingName]

Granted.  Immediately after learning, you die.

I wish this chicken didn't taste like cardboard.

[drenrin2120]

Granted, but cardboard tastes like chicken...

Not sure why that's so horrible.

I wish I wasn't so thirsty.

[Cerebus]

Granted but you're hungry as hell. Is that even better?

I wish I was both immortal and invincible, but had the option to die when I want to, but not being able to do it unconsciously or by mistake, and stop ageing so I wouldn't look like a human Shar Pei as time would move on.

[Darrellito]

Granted. You reveal yourself to society as a non-aging god, and they take you and lock you in a small room with only a toilet, a bed, and your choice of computer with internet, or t.v.

I wish I had Galactus' powers. I'd even take the world hunger with it.

[fruckert]

Granted, you stop being lazy.

I wish that I stopped feeling like **** in the morning.

[Cerebus]

Granted. You stopped feeling like 4 stars, now you feel like shit.

I wish I could Mind Control people.

[Cerebus]

Granted, but no one bothers reading them.
I also wish I could stop being lazy and make some dog damn comics, and people would read them whether they like it or not.

[Silver Incubus]

Granted
You stop being lazy to the point where you write so many comics that you never leave your house and die never meeting anyone else in the world, and everyone reads your comics and secretly or openly hates them. Like Family Circus.

I wish I could send myself a message back in time and tell myself to never buy Unreal 2004 and to slow down on my practicing guitar thus preventing my tendinitis from ever occuring

[MissingName]

Granted. All you get is a box of mostly worn-down crayons.

I WISH FOR BLUE MEANIES.

[Darrellito]

Granted. But you get to close, get drawn in, and cease to exist.

I wish everyone would stop asking me for what I wish for.

[valdred]

Granted, I wish you die a horrible death.

I wish someone would tell me I'm beautifull 

[drenrin2120]

granted, but ugly becomes the new "beautiful". So you are considered repulsive.

I wish I could go back in time and party at a speakeasy.

[Darrellito]

Granted. But as this person was wishing a wish upon you, they died of a heart attack. Because the said wisher died, you are stuck in suspended animation for the rest of your life.

I wish I could poo so hard it was like cannon.

[valdred]

granted, just like a canon you are now able to eat gunpowder, put yourself on fire then you will poo like a canon.

I wish more smileys to this place.

[Cerebus]

Granted. Now there are so many smileys that most are made of combination of letters often used in regular chat, such as er, lo, is, etc. Now every posts are barely readable because of the abundance of smileys in each of them.

I wish I could start WWIII, have an important role and die a spectacular death, and everyone would remember me, whether it's for good things or bad things.