Make a wish and have it horribly corrupted!

[_JeT_]

Granted. But they also casted "Invisible" on her.

I wish that DeathReaper would explode.

[Tina Branford]

DeathReaper explodes, but because there's no reaper to guide souls to the afterlife, no one can die, thus it is instantly resurrected.

I wish that I could cast Invisible on your penis - oh wait, I don't need to.

I wish for world peace.

[Musha]

Granted.  But then <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=faJxor0aSlA">this happens</a>.

I wish I survived that^

[Tina Branford]

Granted, but in a million pieces.

I wish for a fountain of youth in my backyard.

[fruckert]

Granted, but whenever you drink out of it, you get reverted back to infancy and lose all your memories.

I wish I didn't just get mauled by a puppy.

[nitro_crash]

Granted, you get mauled by a tiger instead.

I wish animals could speak human languages.

[Roland_Deschain]

Granted, they all speak Mandarin Chinese.

I wish for better luck with women.

[_JeT_]

Granted, but you only have better luck with those big chunky women, who just stand around the street corner.

I wish there wsa a nuclear winter.

[Roland_Deschain]

Granted, except instead of being a true nuclear winter it's just called that because new nuclear developments are being made at a fast pace DURING the winter.

I wish I was bigfoot.

[_JeT_]

Granted, you are tranquilized, and are now a subject of research for the American government. They do things to you...

I wish the next poster would get raped by Joseph Stalin.

[Tina Branford]

Granted, but he's dead, so I have nothing to worry about.

I wish that the above poster would get raped by a zombie Stalin.

[Roland_Deschain]

Granted, except that already happened to me and was recorded apparently so HA!!

I wish that I had the Keyblade. Seriously a weapon that can't break and that you can't lose... the things I could do... <cue montage>

[Tina Branford]

Granted, but you get blackmailed into making a yaoi movie with a fat Riku cosplayer.

I wish that I had a grenade launcher with infinite rounds.

[_JeT_]

Granted, but, when you go on a rampage, one grenade ricochets, and blows YOU up.

I wish Tina didn't wish for me to get raped... ... *rubs his butt* Ow...

[Tina Branford]

Sorry, bud. But in Soviet Russia... dead bodies rape YOU!

The good news is, he used a condom, so you won't get zombie AIDS.

I wish that Soviet Russia jokes were funnier than they actually were.