TEXTVENTURE - Wordplay to the EXTREME!

[Archem]

So I had a bit of fun on that YouTube atheist whatever thread where Grandy and I had some back-and-forth, text-based adventure style, so I figured I'd turn it into something fun.

Here's the Manual -

Welcome to TEXTVENTURE, the text-based adventure full of twists and turns, packed with action, spiced with hints of romance, and served with a side of mystery! Choose your own adventure with the patented TEXT INPUT, and read as the events unfold in this digital world of excitement and suspense! In order to succeed, you should make sure to check your surroundings carefully, and take hold of any suspicious objects. Don't be afraid to explore and experiment, because if you make a horrible mistake, the games also patented DEUS EX MACHINA ENGINE will save your skin so you can try again and again until you succeed! This exciting world isn't exclusive to you, however, as any player from around the world can take part in your adventure! Decide as a team what actions your character will perform, and suffer as a team when you forget that you left the oven on, and your home burns to ashes! Enjoy this incredible world of TEXTVENTURE


LOAD:

CHAPTER 1
CHAPTER 2
CHAPTER 3


CHAPTER 1 - THE APARTMENT

Welcome to the world of TEXTVENTURE! Before we begin, what is your name?

Type HELP for assistance.

[WarxePB]

> Edge McCoy

[fruckert]

> Blast Hardcheese

ed: I'm treating this like an MSPAFA (MS Paint Adventure Forum Adventure), wherein the OP chooses among the big list of posts what to do, or ignores it completely and does something funny.
Just soes you know.

[Archem]

Cool, because that's basically how this is going to work. Now then, back to being in-character.

You are called EDGE MCCOY. Your parents weren't the cleverest folks on the block when it came to naming their first born. Perhaps they were hoping to have more children, and took you for a test run. Your complete lack of siblings suggests that they quickly realized how bad they were at parenting.

As you reflect on your lousy childhood LOUSY CHILDHOOD, you hear a knock upon your APARTMENT DOOR. Perhaps it's better described as pounding, and occasionally accompanied by angry yells. Whoever this rude fellow is, he sounds an awful lot like your LANDLORD HAROLD WHATEVERHISLASTNAMEIS. You think he may be Icelandic.

What do you do?

[Cerebus]

>Knock on Apartment Door

This will confuse him!

[Archem]

You begin to knock on your own APARTMENT DOOR in a rather civilized fashion. That should show him a lesson in manners! The banging ceases for a moment, followed by confused muttering. His attempt to open the door to greet you aren't very successful, and the banging and yelling continue.

[WarxePB]

> Tell him that no one's home

[Archem]

Your TRANSPARENT LIE doesn't seem to be working! Try something more elaborate!

[Cerebus]

>Remove clothes and open door

This will shock him!

[fruckert]

> eat self with garlic
> Scream back and shout obsceneties

> Ask him what in the blue hell he wants at this hour

[Archem]

As you gather your COURAGE to perform your very foolish chosen action, you hear HAROLD's violent bellowing. He seems to be peeved about your RENT STATUS. It's been THREE (3) MONTHS since you last payed RENT. You suppose that's why he's here, and you think that might not be so unreasonable. You're pretty sure that, if someone owed you that kind of scratch, you'd be in more of a knee-breaking mood, but that can be attributed to your LOUSY CHILDHOOD. Perhaps HAROLD had a LOUSY CHILDHOOD, too. Perhaps you should find some RENT MONEY, or at least develop an ESCAPE PLAN.

Your move.

[fruckert]

> Defenestrate self and GTFO
> But first, turn oven on

[Archem]

LOOK around you! Simply jumping out the WINDOW might be a bad idea! You're sure your MICROWAVE OVEN doesn't need to be turned on, either.

[Cerebus]

All right, the plot needs to move on!

>Open the door

[fruckert]

> Open door a little and talk through the crack