MIContest 2

[fruckert]

Kind of defeating the purpose of a shorty story here, but if you need to know anything about the universe my small story takes place in just ask.
It's centered on a very...unorthodox MacGuffin, so I'd understand any confusion.

[Moosetroop11]

Glad you liked it, MIC!  I won't explain any of it at the moment; partly because there's another judge to go yet...

What was the tree story, though? I don't remember XD  My last story contest entry was a battle, and it did have a relationship between two characters, so I think you're figuring me out...

[fruckert]

man i'm gettin' anxious

[Meiscool]

Hold your ponies lol. I'll get to them either tonight or tomorrow.

[Meiscool]

There you are now. Hope you all find the ratings fair. Hopefully Archem will judge the stories soon too so that we may move on to the next part of the contest. However, since all entries are regret or hopelessness, I suppose people could get a head start on brainstorming if desired. A stripper club theme for moosetroop11 sounds pretty slick (if he wins).

[fruckert]

You want me to PM or should I just post my little primer here?
Or, hell, posting a topic might work too, as I'm working on a game engine for the world.

[Meiscool]

Well... if you have something done with the engine (maybe a small tech demo or a video or screens) then I would just make a topic. Since you are a major member of the board I'm sure your game would get a lot of attention anyways. If not, I would post it here so anyone else who read it can also benefit from it. Just know that the second judge should rate your story independently of what you write

[fruckert]

I don't even have a working movement engine done, yet.

YO ARCHEM DON'T READ THIS

The story of the Cat takes place in the world of Myrdia, a little setting I've been working on since I was 14.  It's a work in progress, hence why a few things remain nameless.
At that point in history, Myrdia is going through it's Roaring Twenties.

The world is mostly water; the largest landmass is the size of Britain.
As a result, sailing technology is leagues above land transportation. Aircraft have been around for around ~30 years as well, but a good steamboat or ocean liner is preferred.

There are seven prominent races in the world:
Humans
Dwarves
Elves
Goblins
Dragons
Salamanders
and Cats

Humans are the technological powerhouse of the world. Their culture is kind of a fusion of Nordic and Celtic.
Dwarves are reclusive, due to religious reasons. Seeing a dwarf out of their island chain is rare.
Elves are second class citizens, again, due to religious reasons. It's VERY common to see them stoop to crime.
Goblins live in the far north, in a chain called The Crown. They're very mean, and have a cultural fixation with decay and chemicals.
Dragons come in every shade of the rainbow, and are about the size of a large horse. Dragon society is very elitist, usually based off of how "pure bred" you are.
Salamanders come from a swampy, tropical region in the south. They're very athletically built, and resemble Indian Buddhism in their culture. They are very skilled with magic regarding the mind.
Cats are...very unfinished. They're pretty bestial, and short tempered. They're very therianthropic in appearance (picture a werecat).

Ambrosia is a fruit that grows in the tropics. It's the color of a bruised banana, has kind of leathery skin, and has mushy insides. It's extremely sweet, kind of syrupy, and oft regarded as delicious as hell. It also makes the consumer euphoric, gives hallucinations, and is very addictive.
In 1920s Myrdia, Ambrosia is often baked into a hard candy, for smuggling purposes. I wasn't using slang for drugs there, it's literally candy. This makes the drug muuuch more potent.
It can also be fermented into wine, which kills some of the active drug ingredient. This variant is sold in speakeasies.
Hospitals use it to treat mental illness, and it's sometimes used as a painkiller.

Religion and government are tightly connected, due to world history and the fact that angels come down once in a while to tend to godly affairs.

I think that's it, at the moment.

SPOILERS DON'T WORK

[Archem]

I don't even have a working movement engine done, yet.

YO ARCHEM DON'T READ THIS

SPOILERS DON'T WORK

Duck. My "F" key is broken.

I'll either read the stories tonight or tomorrow, so some time over the next 24 hours. Oh damn, I've set expectations. Now we're doomed.

[Cerebus]

Well, I'm actually surprised at the results. To be honest, it is higher than what I expected. Which, of course, is a really good thing.

The words feeling forced... well yes, some kinda were, candy and Peacock being the most.
Thing is, I wrote the story in one go, with only a slight idea at first. What I first had in mind is pretty different than how it ended.
So, as I wrote, I had to find a way to add those words. And one I rarely do is change the story when it's written, which is why Death may not have been at the best place.
Peacock really was the worst. I had no idea where to put it in the story, which is why it's probably the word that feels the most forced.
As for Candy, I also didn't know where to put it. I first wanted Melvin to pick some at the table, but I decided to reserve this spot for Peacock, since I found an alternative place for it. It may not have been the best, but that's the only thing I could think of. And yes, you were right about its meaning.

Scripture also was supposed to be used differently, but then I thought the story might have ended up with too much stuff that was kind of unnecessary, so I went with what I did.

As for spelling mistakes, there are two problems. The first, you got it right. I was pretty tired.
The second, well, it's simply that English isn't my first language, so I may some times make silly mistakes.

But all in all, I'm really happy with the results. I expected like 6 at max. I'm glad you liked it. May attempt a next writing contest, we will see.
I'll leave the musical part to people with actual talent, though.

[Prpl_Mage]

I'm pleased, and yes. I forgot candy. And I bet it shows where the word would've gone though. Silly mistake.

Also don't back off the music part! I have no musical skills whatsoever, remember my theme from Sprite for life? Yeah it was hideous and awful enough a fair attempt at making a useful theme. But I will enter, get an insurance for your ears fellas!

[A Forgotten Legend]

Oh.  I guess I should keep a close eye on this now that those are done being judged.

[fruckert]

Almost done.

[Meiscool]

It occurred to me that juggle was a required word that I completely forgot about looking for and taking into consideration how it was used in the stories. All of the stories entered used the word, so I don't feel a need to go back and change any scores. Just wanted to make a note of it since I never mentioned it in any of my ratings. :/

Ambrosia is a fruit that grows in the tropics. It's the color of a bruised banana, has kind of leathery skin, and has mushy insides. It's extremely sweet, kind of syrupy, and oft regarded as delicious as hell. It also makes the consumer euphoric, gives hallucinations, and is very addictive.
In 1920s Myrdia, Ambrosia is often baked into a hard candy, for smuggling purposes. I wasn't using slang for drugs there, it's literally candy. This makes the drug muuuch more potent.
It can also be fermented into wine, which kills some of the active drug ingredient. This variant is sold in speakeasies.
Hospitals use it to treat mental illness, and it's sometimes used as a painkiller.

Dude, if you had added that to the story it would've been wonderful. I couldn't get the thought of greek wine out of my head as I read the story, but reading this really pieces things together. I also feel educated, though in a fictional sense.

[fruckert]

i couldn't figure out how to make it fit
Every time I wrote it, it was way too out of place and exposition dump-y.