The other week...

[Razor]

And if you like this and have a deviant art account, you can favourite it too! http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/17235756/
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The other week, down at the office, I call Yvonne over. I say “Hey, you’re alright!” So when she walked off, I threw an office chair at her. Later in hospital, she congratulated me for such a great joke. Then she threw her urine in my eyes.

Anyway, a few days ago, I was walked into the boss’ office. I was about to knock when I noticed he was asleep, with a big wad of cash on his desk. I think it’s needless to say what I did next.

I duct-taped boxing gloves on his hands, fed him laxatives and buttered up the doorknob.

The other day, I walked into the boss’ office. I noticed he wasn’t there, so I decided to look through his desk drawers. All I found were piles of KitKats. He came in, and started yelling at me, so I threw him out the window. Needless to say, I was sort of demoted after that.

So, some time last week, me and Lenny were around the water cooler. He said that that weekend he planned on going to the circus, so I threw the water cooler at him. I don’t like the clowns.

So, the other day, I was driving down the road, off the beaten path, having just come from the shops. I see this guy waving his arms at me, so I slow down. He asks me “Have you seen any cows around here?” so I tell him, “No.” He goes on to say that he had lost his cows in the previous nights storm, so I did the best thing I could think of, and bludgeoned him with a milk carton.

The other week, me and my nephew were walking down the beach. As I regaled to him my stories of the office, we walked down the pier. At the end, there were all these old guys with their chairs and their fishin’ rods, and my nephew says “this place bites.” So I pushed him off the pier, and said “Hey Timmy, this place doesn’t bite, but those fish do!”
So, I’m no longer legally allowed to take care of children.

The other night, I was walking through the park, and I see Anne from marketing. I say “Yo, Anne!” She looked back, I waved, and she picked up the pace. So I chase after her, calling her name. She starts running from me, so I push her in front of a speeding bus. Then she has the nerve to get a restraining order on me.

So, I was walking through the shops last week, and I walk into a TV store. There are all these TVs, flat screens, plasmas, portables, even ones for cars. So I ask the chick at the counter how much this one I could use for my car was. She blew a bubble with her gum, and then slowly said “That one’s $500, sir.” She was giving me attitude. So I look in my wallet, I only had $495. So I punched her in the face, and ran off with the TV.

So, yesterday, I was driving along, with my new but hot TV. There’s this really cool show on about cooking chicken while you’re driving. So, as the guy adds the vegetables, I look up and I see I’m on the footpath, heading right for this old lady. I swerve like the Jesus, and instead I crushed a young mother and her 3 kids. I’m thinking about getting a car-hotplate as well.

Last week, I was up at the logging place, helping the guys with the tree cutting. My instructor tells me to yell out “Timber!” whenever a tree falls down. So after a few trees, this second guy cuts down this tree. It gets tangled up with a nearby power line, which pulls down this stobey pole, which falls over and crushes this other guy. My instructor came along, he asks all furious like, “Why didn’t you call out ‘Timber’? You could have saved him!” I simply reply, “A stobey pole is not a tree.”

This morning, I had two of my friends over, so I offered to make them coffees. I went in my kitchen and made them. I had to go to the toilet, and while I was out, this rat came along and knocked over my rat poison in my cupboard, which may or maynot have spilt into the coffees. I wasn’t sure, but just to be on the safe side, I poured some into both coffees. The judge gave me 10 years.

So my girlfriend was over the other day, and she brang her Chihuahua. It’s an annoying little thing. She had to go for a bit, so I babysat the damned thing for her. So, an hour later, I went into my room, and found it chewing on my best pair of pants. So I bit its front legs off. Yeah, it don’t look so smart now.  

[coasterkrazy]

O.o

*slowly backs away*

[I Have a Sandwich]

YARGH! GRAMMAR INNACCURACIES!

[Archem]

"Stobey".

[Razor]

Hey, where are my lols? I DEMAND LOLS!

[Robotam Plus]

lol

[Dragonium]

Does XD count as lol?

If so, XD.

If not, lol.

[Robotam Plus]

Most of them are pretty good. It's just hard to laugh at them when I read it. I'm supose to hear it! :p

[Grandy]

lol

[MrMister]

lawl

They're the kind of funny where you don't LOL as much as you LOTI.

[Osmose]

They're not really funny. A joke requires more than just "I was doing some normal daily task or in a normal situation and then began to hurt someone randomly instead of doing what's expected."

A joke is something like this:

Why did the woman cross the street?

Who cares, why is she out of the kitchen?

Wanna hear another joke?

Women's rights.

[DeusExMachina]

how many dead babies does it take to shingle a roof?
Depends how you cut 'em up.

[Archem]

What's red, bubbly, and scratches at the window?
A baby in the microwave.

[Razor]

Lol at the last three posts.

Originally posted by MrMister
lawl

They're the kind of funny where you don't LOL as much as you LOTI.

What the flying anus is LOTI?

[Black Massacre]

What's the worst thing about ****ing a dead baby?
Wiping the blood stains off of your clown suit!