Unfortunatly

[AsakuraHao2004]

A man is driving to work, when all of a suddem the car in front of him stops and he goes through the windshield and is horribly cut up. He's laying there for about a half hour when the ambulance arrives. On the way to the hospital, the ambulance is hijacked by terrorists who plant bombs in it and drive it into the white house. The man is blown onto the sidewalk, where he is trampled by thousands of screaming civilians who are trying to escape. He's finally taken to the hospital, where they turn on the TV for him in the ER. All that's on TV is the footage from when the ambulance hit the white house, so he's forced to watch himself being blown from the ambulance and trampled on again and again.

Eventually, they bring in a helicoptor to take him to another hospital. During the trip, the co-pilot announces that he is a terrorist and takes over the plane and runs it toward the Statue of Liberty. Shortly before he hits, military forces shoot at the hellicoptor, and the bullets go though the floor and hit the injured man, but completly miss the terrorist, so he flies directly into the Statue of Liberty. The man is laying in rubble for almost 5 days before they find him. It turns out his entire body from the waste down had been destroyed. They have to surgically attach robotic legs to his torso.

The operation was a success, but the man was unable to pay the 2.6 billion dollar hospital bill, so he is imprisoned for 6 months. While in prison, his cell-mate raped his robotic a$s every night. Then, the man was called to death row. They bought him to the electric chair, and when they flipped the switch, his robotic body parts made the schocks stronger, but also kept him alive, so they put him back into the cell until further notice. A few weeks later, they told him it was a mix-up and he wasnt supposed to have been killed at all, so they let him go free. He went back to his normal life and job.

A few weeks later, he was back to his old office job on the top floor when his computer caught a small fire. He went to get the fire extinguisher, but accedently touched the fire. His entire body was engulfed in flames, which made the sprinklers come on, but they made his legs malfunction and he ran right out of the window down the 75-story building and onto the street. A car that didnt see him ran over him, but the man was still on fire, and the fire touched the car's gas tank, causing an explosion, which caused  chain reaction that caused several more cars to explode. One car caught on fire, and was blown about 3 stories up into the building where the man worked. It was about half-way into the building, burning for a few seconds, then the car exploded, causing the building to collapse.

The man is taken to the hospital, and this time, he has to get an arm robotically replaced. Because of this, working with his fingers is a challenge, so he's fired from his job because he can't type. He went home and tried to kill himself by hanging, but his robotic parts weighed him down too much, so after about 10 unsuccessful attemps, he went into the bathroom and took everything in the medicine cabinet. Unfortunatly, he had recently cleaned it out, and the only thing left in there was some liquid soap and a breath mint. He then decided to get in his car and drive off a cliff, however, he got caught in heavy traffic and couldnt even move for 3 hours. When he finally got out of the traffic jam, there was all flat land for miles, not even any poles to crash into.

He saw another car driving towards him on the other side of the raod, and decided to crash into them. When they hit, his upper body was thrown through the windshield because his legs were too heavy to move. When he awoke, he was in a hospital. The doctor tells him that the other driver was killed and the family wants to press charges. Still determined to kill himself, the mantakes his robotic arm and starts chokeing himself with the vice-grip. At that moment, a wire comes loose and the arm falls limp to his side. He decideds to do it with his real hand, but when he looks over, it's missing. It was destroyed in the crash.

He gets up, having a hard time balancing himself with no arm, and jumps out the window, however, he only falls 2 feet. He gets up and goes back into the hospital and takes the elevator to the highest floor, and then jumps from the 50-foot high window. The weight of his robotic legs balance him out and he lands perfectly upright on his feet. That gives him the idea that they will make him sink in water, so he finds a small pond. The second his robotic foot touches the water, it starts electrocuting the hell out of him. His legs start to malfunction and runs into a biological waste dump and into the pool of toxic waste (which also shocks the hell out of him).

He runs to the first people he can find, which is a chrisitan rock band getting ready for a show, They give him a backstage pass to make him feel better. It was their special veterans day concert and over 50,000 veterans would be there. Later that night, during the show, one of the members shouts out that they are a terrorist and that the building would blow up in a few minutes. Then, all 50,000+ veterans pull out their guns and start shooting at the terrorist, but most of them were too old to use a gun proporly, and most of the bullets hit the man backstage. After about 5 minutes of being hit with bullets, the building blows up. The bomb of course, was planted right underneath the man.

Again, he is taken to the hospital, where doctors think that he might not make it this time..


After a long recovery, the man steps out of the hospital for the first time in 5 years. His new robotic parts werent clunky, didnt weigh several thousand pounds, and wasnt tank-esque. It was lightweight, and looked and felt just like his old body. There had been numerous fund-raisers to help pay for his operations. He was a hero, and for him, things were only looking up. He had recived numerous job offering and TV apperances, as well as a movie franchise. However, the first thing we wanted to do is get back home and enjoy the simple pleasures he had forgotten. The first thing he does is get a chocolate milk out to drink. It was his favorite drink, but he wasnt able to drink it in the hospital. He he gets out a little straw and puts in it. When he goes to take that long awaited first sip, he sucks on the straw too hard and it goes in his throat. The man chokes on it, and die.

[Drace]

Brilliant.

[PyroAlchemist]

LOL. That sucks for him. A straw kills him after all that. LOL
  genious

[Ruler of the Dark]

Wow

[Osmose]

The only qualm I have is the constant terrorists. Otherwise, pretty funny.

[AsakuraHao2004]

I thik that's because I wrote it shorty after 9/11

Yeah, its kinda old.

[Moosetroop11]

Sucks to be him