Finis

[charaman]

"Finis"
The falconer has given up hope
Our world is full of his yellow smoke
The thorn upon this world is bold
but what we must remember is:
the center never really did hold

The sands of time speed up of late
And I grow restless in such a fate
To exist at the end is not desireable
as it may seem
the Spiritus Mundi Casts it shadow

we can't turn back, we must accept
The beast approach
greet it.



read thisafter reading the "lovesong of J alfred Prufock" by T.S. Eliot and "The Second coming" by W.B. Yeats, basically merging the idea of the oncoming internal apocalypse of a man, and the external apcoalypse. I wrte this like in may, and I;m going to do a rewrite of it soon, when I have time.

[coasterkrazy]

Nice. I see someone will be doing well in Academic Writing this year. Ah, dont remind me of that poem Cameron made us read. Well, it confused me...

[charaman]

can i get any sort of feedback please?

[Rikushinblade]

besides that it is a good poem....but i can do better jk but i can write some really deep poems that hit the heart really hard.  

[AsakuraHao2004]

Overall, it's good, but it's lacking something I just cant say..

[Rikushinblade]

my guess u tried to hard making it have some beat.  Since i am no expert i happene to own my own forums with poem makers and if you where with them u be the bottom of the food chain.  To write a poem speak from ur mind always what the hell why am i giving u tips i am in the postion to do so. Stupid me

[charaman]

It sorta trails off the the end. im gonna rewrite it soon, i just don't know how to go about it.