I'm writing a short story

[cosmo]

I'm trying to write a story, and I'd like it if people could read what I wrote so far and tell me what they think, what should change, what is bad, ...

here are some quotes :

Emotions … it seems to ring a bell, but then again it may just be the scotch getting to me.

… And that is when I think that some people are living in another dimension then me.

... he ran out of the bar crying like a baby, did I mention he was 2ce my size? Ok, maybe he wasn’t, but after my 15th scotch my perception wasn’t what it once used to be.



the full text can be found here


bar part 1: http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/3003380/
bar part 2: http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/3013690/
the morning after part 1: http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/3025847/

[doom]

It could do with some work