Please, Rate my Prolouge of my project: Fallen Feather

[ConflictedX3]

Now before i start, I understand that since i'm not an active member of this board that i wont get too much feedback, if any at all i've been using it since...well, 2003,lol. i just wanna say, i am indeed handy with the RPG Maker 2k3, and i just recognize these boards to be the most cut-throught, direct answer kind of board and i want people who will be level with me on if theres any point in going through with this project all. I just feel like, in my head, theres alot going on and i don't want a game that reflects that, so i was hopeing you guys could look at the Prolouge and tell me what you honestly think, all forms of criticism, ALL FORMS, is excepted.


Storyline:
- Intro: 7 Brotherly "Gods", which are the first and highest forms of life known existing since the beggining of the Universe,
are beings who live partly in the physical world and partly within the spiritual plane.

- Although the 6 elder gods are only composed of one elemental property, the 7th is a by-body-conjoined being of 2 individually thinking Gods, one dark, one light.

- Together the 7 Gods decide to form a source of energy within the physical plane, a large but managable ball of "Plane Terrain" or Plane-T/PlaneT (planet, get it ), formed from their energy.

- With these PlaneT's formed and placed with sprouts to grow life forms on top of it, these life forms could grow and live, with small traces of their life,collectively, feeding their governing god,both aware and unware, allowing each god to live immortally, while, in exchange, these life forms would eventually die at some period in time. Only for there souls to return to the planet and once again be used through reincarnation as a new life form (The cycle of life for humans,non-humans,animals,etc.)

- Now, with such a plan, they all decide to set PlaneT Genises into motion.

- 6 PlaneTs are succesfully formed:
- God Pyzra: Births & Governs PlaneT Magma (Fire)
- God Tsuzra: Births & Governs PlaneT Waves (Water)
- God Golma: Births & Governs PlaneT Gravel (Earth)
- God Aeroria: Births & Governs PlaneT Tornado (Wind)
- God Bolcha: Births & Governs PlaneT Charge(Lightning)
- God Ironuia: Births & Governs PlaneT Alloy (Metal)

- While Planning the 7th & final planet, the Conjoined God Azra-Zala, Have a dispute over how to create the planet, first fighting over the name of it and if it will be a darker or lighter based PlaneT, being as selfish as they are the dispute literally tears the two apart & splits the Gods into seperate forms, The Light God Azra and The Dark God Zala were born.

- Unfortuanetly, along with their bodies, their strength seperated aswell, forcing them to be too weak to manage any kind of PlaneT at all, thus their forced to work together anway if they wish to achieve a system of immortality.

- The 7th PlaneT Begins to be formed:
- Gods Azra & Zala: Births & Governs PlaneT Varie (Light/Dark/Various)

- As this PlaneT begins to be shaped, things develop quickly, Azra Forms a sun to bring light, while Zala forms the moon. Azra asks for Tsuzra's strength to bring Water, while Zala asks for Pyzra to bring Fire and so on. Without consulting one another the two bring more and more elements and properties to forming this PlaneT & even though their to blind with ignorance of one another,they manage to form the most beautiful and prosperous PlaneT of the seven.  
 
- As life forms began to sprout on the PlaneT: Mystical Creatures, Kind-Hearted Humans, & Animals from Azra; Demons, Ill-Hearted Humans & Bugs from Zala, when the time to name this PlaneT & Choose which one of the two would govern it while the other slept in the spiritual plane until there turn came, the two gods once again got into a fight, this one turning physical, Azra Battling Zala with all their might, spectators who were...how do you say.....more "in tune" with the gods' mind, wrote in prophecies what these two already had in mind.

- As the battle waged on, the two ended up defeating eachother, trapping one another in their own seperate space of the spiritual plane until 100 years had passed, where each of the 7 gods reappered to collect on gathered energy meant for them, which was stored within shrines that glorified each God on their planet.

- Before being banished to the spirit plane, the hearts of Both Azra and Zala birthed two children that held a fraction of both Gods' strength, this was done so these two offsprings could carry on the fight of Azra & Zala while they were trapped.

- What the mission for these 2 were, was to unearth powerful artifacts left by each Azra n Zala, something of a fail safe that each god placed on there PlaneT.

- The first to take this certain artifact and match it with another powerful object known as "Dragoon's Eye" (found among a form of crystals that each PlaneT was formed with), will have the power to combine the two objects and sacrifice themself to set their parenting god free from within their shrine, the first set free was obviously given the right to govern and recieve energy while the other was stuck until his turn, if both failed to bring back either god, the planet would surely fail to function without a proper exchange of energy and die out.

- in 101 B.A (Before Azra), The child of Azra, outsmarted Zala's child and Sacrifice himself to bring back Azra.
- in 201 A.A, With Azra having governed for 100 years and recieved an abundant source of energy, Zala took his long awaited turn.
- in 301 A.Z (After Zala), Azra took his turn.

- This continues on until 1,000 A.Z, where the gods rendevouzed in the spirit plane, planning Genocide & new-Genises, forming larger planets to get even more energy,
Azra & Zala once again dispute over who should have dominance, unsatisfied with this sharing method & battled, with a little over one year till planet exchange, Azra manage to slip out of the spirit realm along side the other 6 gods and continue the battle, resulting in a Double K.O, the first since the birth of the Varie.

- With this, they once again birth two representatives, Zala's child being known to return from prophets who follow his ways,when on the other hand, Azra fails to make a child with any knowledge of his mission to to its weak state after battle.

- Now, as the PlaneT's are all unknowingly bent on Genocide, a young man, who fails to remember or know much of anything has less than a few months to realize his mission and do something.

- If he fails to his darker "cousin", Zala will be born and bring a new world of darkness, if he prevails, Azra will destroy the PlaneT regardless to reshape it, and if both fail, the PlaneT will burn out soon enough, with odds so high against him , there is little of a win win suitiation.

- Less than one year remains...very little stands between salvation or damnation...it begins.



LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK OF A GENERIC RPG SUCH AS THIS, SCALE OF ONE TO TEN, GOODs & BADs, ANYTHING!!

thnx in advance  

[plightofthepureblood]

its hard for me to rate the story if I know not of the game systems implemented to tell said tale.

What kind of game are you making to tell this well thought out story?

[ConflictedX3]

Oh wow, my mistake, i should of thought to add that

I'm using

RPG Maker 2003 System

Traditional Turn Based Defualt System

Cast will be played by RPG Maker 2k3 Charset version of Breath Of Fire 4's Characters

Isometric Monsters, Backgrounds And BattleChars

Traditional RPG Storyline, Going Town to town doing what ever needs to be done leading to your main mission to accomplish, as you go you get from no information to a whole heep of info on who the character is and his purpose, while coming across a Clan of followers of Zala, led by Zala's Child, Janus (it's an ancient name from mythology i learned in English class, it was a great guardian of a gate to another realm), this Group is called the Syndicate, there played by the Hooded Men of Kingdom Hearts Chain Of memories, as their posed Isometrically and it works out.

The Magic isn't defualt though:
On the side, which will be explained, is that Azra the God of light, is a Bird, a big one, and being so powerful as a god n' all and due to his battle on earth, Feathers are scattered all over which if people come in contact with, can absorb its power to learn and use Magic, which is known as "Force", It's kind of like FF8's Magic Learning System except once you learn it you stick with it.

Limit Breaks:
Plus theres a Limit Break System I designed myself to Mimic the Final Fantasy 7 Limit Break System, i haven't currently decided what the name will but i know i'm not going to straight out title it "Limit"

Basically, its the average Cliche' Final Fantasy/Breath Of Fire Type Setup, but in the end, theres nothing wrong with that in my eyes becuase if you can't even pull off a cliche' story your screwed in the end.

I really hope i answered your question lol i'll feel dumb if i didn't.

[plightofthepureblood]

Well......I mean,  the whole concept you got going has some strong clichee working in it.......Usually, clichee is done so poorly.....

I dont hate clichee, I hate when people cant do it RIGHT, you know?

Some peole are bound to carve it, but I think despite the clichee elements, it seems to be that youve thought out a pretty solid history for your gameworld.....and Im a strong believer in explaining everything.....I hate when there are just races that of course, know magic.....or Every so often a warrior is born in every bloodline.....

Youve mixed a very traditional idea, and detailed the hell out of it my mind....If I have a clear picture, than you have a clearer one.....

Im interested in seeing the isometric graphics.....If theyre done right, it will kick....if sloppy, it will lack......

And of course Youre going to need some hardcore characters happening.....and some symbolic conflict.....



One tip Id have, is try and find an alternative to just hitting up a series of towns, untill the world is conquered and the bossfight begins....

I will rate as such......

For Detail, Im giving you 4/5 "freemans"
For Innovation to the RPG world...."1/5" "freemans"

Every other field imaginable, Im flunking you on untill   I see screenshots

[ConflictedX3]

Originally posted by plightofthepureblood
Well......I mean,  the whole concept you got going has some strong clichee working in it.......Usually, clichee is done so poorly.....

I dont hate clichee, I hate when people cant do it RIGHT, you know?

Some peole are bound to carve it, but I think despite the clichee elements, it seems to be that youve thought out a pretty solid history for your gameworld.....and Im a strong believer in explaining everything.....I hate when there are just races that of course, know magic.....or Every so often a warrior is born in every bloodline.....

Youve mixed a very traditional idea, and detailed the hell out of it my mind....If I have a clear picture, than you have a clearer one.....

Im interested in seeing the isometric graphics.....If theyre done right, it will kick....if sloppy, it will lack......

And of course Youre going to need some hardcore characters happening.....and some symbolic conflict.....



One tip Id have, is try and find an alternative to just hitting up a series of towns, untill the world is conquered and the bossfight begins....

I will rate as such......

For Detail, Im giving you 4/5 "freemans"
For Innovation to the RPG world...."1/5" "freemans"

Every other field imaginable, Im flunking you on untill   I see screenshots

You don't know how much i appreciate that, exactly what i was expecting, you were leveled with me and said what needed to be said i thank u for that n hope more critique as such, i'll try to work on what you said n i'll see about screenshots.

[plightofthepureblood]

listen mang...I wont be around....but if you ever wqant to get my advice, or help garphicallly.....

knives_are_quiet@yahoo.com


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