Legend Blade

[Anubis_Soldier]

Alright, i am very new to RPG Maker, but i have a little bit of exp with coding,

So far i have one chapter done,

Story: Many years ago five swords were forged, one was given to each of the great races, The Human's recieved the phoenix Feather, The Dragoons were given the Dragon Tooth, the wolfen (Claim to have wolves as their ancestors) got the Wolf Jaws (2 swords) and the Demons got the chimera tail. The Chimera Tail was the most powerful of the 5 and the dragoons grew jealous. The dragoons claimed that the Wielder, the great Demon King Daridus, was growing thirsty for blood, after twenty dragoons were killed mysteriously, The dragoons declared war on Daridus. They severely under estimated him. His armies marched over the dragoons destroying fortress after fortress, The dragoons reluctantly asked the Humans and wolfen to aid them, and with their help they pushed Daridus back to his castle, in the confusion of the fighting three of the greatest warriors from each race entered the castle Drake, the human knight and wielder of the Phoenix Feather; Nero, the wolfen shadow and wielder of the Wolf Jaws, and Rin, the princess of the Dragoons and wielder of the Dragon tooth. They all challenged Daridus to a fight.
The heroes were losing till Rin, sacrificed herself and sealed her and daridus into the chimera blade, taking the dragon tooth with her... But the chimera blade spoke to Drake and Nero, claiming that if it acquired the correct souls, Daridus would be unleashed, far more powerful then ever. When the blade said that the "Last of its kind" was one of the souls, The races began to panic. The dragoons claimed the wolfen were closest to extinction and the Dragoons began massive genocide upon the wolfen, Drake stepped up to defend his ally... But the phoenix feather failed him and he perished. That left Nero, he was killed at the last true stronghold of the wolfen by two dragoonic knights, Nova and Atrix... Nova resigned from the knights and dissapeared soon after. The wolfen came together in the secret city of Aneris, but they knew the day would come when the dragoons would find them

Characters

Drake: A human Knight killed long ago by the dragoons

Nero: A mysterious wolfen who was killed by Atrix and Nova

Nova: A dragoon, relinquished his knightly hood as a way for repenting for his sins

Luna: A wolfen girl living in Aneris

Shockwave:

More to come

[DragonBlaze]

The story is very cliche...

[Anubis_Soldier]

really? i thought it to be kinda original, judging from the RPGs i have played, it wont be based around luna if that is what you are saying

Thank you for looking at it though

can you tell me what you dont like and what you do?

[DragonBlaze]

Well its mainly just cliche because you have these powerful objects given to each race. It sounds a lot like Lord of the Rings. Also, the idea of starting the game with heros fighting a bad guy and stuff like that is used a lot.

I think the base of your story has some real potential, but you need to work on some of the details.

First off, the swords. They were forged and given to each race. Who forged them? Why was one given to each race? If you want this to be a secret, instead of having them just given to each race, you could have each race already having a sword that is passed down by family lines or something like that, and then later in the story you can reviel who created them and why. I think if you would do something like that were the races already have their swords, it would be better. Like I said earlier, LotR has rings given to each races, and since that became a very popular story now, you probably want to stay away from starting like that.

I don't think you can avoid the battle with the bad guy, but there are ways to make it work better with the story. I don't know how your game starts out, but if you could find a way to leave the whole battle and such or even the whole intro out, that would be good. Then, throughout the game, you keep learning more and more about it until you get the complete picture. But anyway, just be careful on where you put your emphesises.

Then I think the rest is sounding pretty good, and you could really make something good out of it.

Do you have any screens? Could you post how the game starts out as well, like the first 10 minutes or so?

Your character information coudl be a bit more detailed as well

[Anubis_Soldier]

Ok, i got what you are saying, i can give you a screen of where the intro battle starts i guess

[DragonBlaze]

... If you go to the charas main page (charas-project.net) there is a nice character generator and a large resourse section. Not many people like the rtp, the graphics themselves aren't that good, and they're used in a lot of games. Getting your game original graphics will make it look more unique and original.

At least change the heros graphics to something non-rtp. A lot of people will bash your game just for that if you go out and advertise it.

EDIT: Your walls aren't really made right either. You need a wall tile and a seperate ceiling tile, your using a cieling tile for the walls and ceiling, and it doesn't look right.

[Anubis_Soldier]

How to word this...

can you remake that map using the chipset that i used so that i see what it should look like? i won't use yours i just want to know what it should look like

default dungeon chipset just so you know

[I Have a Sandwich]

Originally posted by Anubis_Soldier
default dungeon chipset just so you know

Just because of that, it will never look incredibly great. It could look good, but not great.

[Anubis_Soldier]

i know that, i plan on changing the chipset but i need to know how it should look for future reference

Off topic: i thought your avatar thing was a sandwich?

[I Have a Sandwich]

Don't learn to map with the default. You can't learn anything eith em. Try downloading some good chips and look at MIC's tut.

[Anubis_Soldier]

Well, i tried to redo it with a diff tile set

plz tell me what needs to change

[Ephiam]

That actually looks alot better than the RTP version you made.

[koopa-on-fire]

It's looking good so far. When you update the game, e-mail or PM me. I like where this is going.

[DragonBlaze]

Yeah, that new map looks a lot better than the rtp version.

[Anubis_Soldier]

i think i got a pretty good idea on how to make the story not so cliche, where they got the swords and everything

Maybe you will like it, maybe you wont

Long ago a great demon was defeated ending centuries of darkness, however, not all was bright.

Over a period of time a new demon took over the territories of the old Demon, his name was Daridus and he claimed the vacant throne as Demon King. Under his rule, the Demons, Dragoons, Humans, and wolfen lived peacefully together. It would not last...

A robed figure visited the most powerful human knight named Drake, He challenged Drake to a duel and defeated the knight. Never knowing defeat the knight asked the cloaked figure how he did it... He said nothing but left the sword that he had used against Drake, months later the hooded figure visited the King and Queen of the dragoons, he gave them a sword as well, and left without any words exchanged. The figure gave Nero a ninja wolfen twin katanas and left just as mysteriously as he had appeared to Nero. The hooded figure then came to the demon king... He challenged the king to a fight. As Daridus fought the figure, he realized that the sword he wielded belonged to the old king. He slayed the robed figure and took it for himself. The dragoons heard that the other races had gained a sword from the figure as well, the dragoonic king was infuriated when he heard the Daridus had the old king's sword. He became jealous, and he had his armies attack Daridus' territories. Daridus struck back and drove the dragoons back, Daridus' armies were within miles of the Dragoonic capitol. The king pleaded with the other races to help him, claiming that darkness would return to the lands. They reluctantly helped the dragoons and drove Daridus and his forces back to his castle... Drake; Nero; and the Dragoonic Princess, Rin; infiltrated the castle and prepared to assasinate the king... what happened in his throne room is unknown but it cost the life of Rin and sealed Daridus into the old kings sword... After reading old texts, the dragoons learned Daridus could be unsealed if specific souls were accumulated and brought with in range of the sword... It was then found that one of the souls was to be the last of its kind. The Dragoonic king decided massive genocide of the smallest race would take care of the soul that was needed, The dragoons targeted their former allies the wolfen... They attacked the Wolfen capitol suddenly and without warning, the city was completely wiped out. Upon realizing what was going on, Drake stepped in on the Wolfen side, not even the sword given to him by the hooded figure, the phoenix feather, could prevent his death. After the death of Drake, Nero gave up fighting and was killed soon after. The wolfen fled to their last stronghold, the secret city of Aneris, where they wait for the dragoons to come and end it