Short Funny Jokes

[Archem]

Two chain smokers walk into a bar and ****ing EXPLODE.

Hahaha!
Gas leak.

[Dominicy]

A pirate walks into a bar and takes a seat next to the bartender.  The bartender points at the pirates pants and asks "Why is there a steering wheel sticking out of your pants?" The pirate looks down to his pants then looks back at the bartender and says. "Arrrrr, it's driving me nuts."

[Djanki]

I have another joke:

John McCain's Presidential Campaign!

[lonewolf]

In a mental institution a nurse walks into a room and sees a patient acting like he’s driving a car.

The nurse asks him,”Charlie what are you doing?” And Charlie replies, “Driving to Chicago!” The nurse wishes him a good trip and leaves the room.

The next day the nurse enters Charlie’s room just as he stops driving his imaginary car and asks, Well Charlie, how you doing?” Charlie says, “I just got into Chicago” Great,” replied the nurse.

The nurse leaves Charlie’s room and goes across the hall into Bob’s room and finds Bob sitting on his bed masturbating vigorously.

With surprise she asks, “Bob what are you doing!” Bob says… “I’m screwing Charlie’s wife while he’s in Chicago!”

[FFL2and3rocks]

A man wearing a mask is robbing a bank. But his mask falls off, and he quickly puts it back on. He walks up to a man and asks, "Did you see my face?" He answers "Yes." So the bank robber shoots him. He asks another man "Did you see my face?", and the man answers "Yes." So the bank robber shoots him. Then he asks another man "Did you see my face?" and he replies "No, but my wife did."

[shinotebasiiackh]

So this guy's lying in bed, watching his wife pose to herself in front of the mirror, and she says,
"Honey, I'm feeling fat. Am I fat? Oh my god, I feel ugly now. Baby, can you say something nice about me to cheer me up?"

So the husband looks over to his wife, smiles, and says
"Bitch, you got perfect vision"

..............

This guy's at confession, and he says to the preist,
"father, forgive me for I have sinned."

The priest says,
"What was your sin, my son"

The man says.
"I have committed adultery, father.
I cannot help myself, every sunday night, on the way home
from work, I pass Washington street, and there's allways this
cute hooker on the corner. I feel for my wife very much, but I can't
resist once I see her legs under that blue low-cut dress she wears."

The priest frowns, and says, "hmmmm....."

The man, worried, franticly asks,
"What is it father? Am I going to hell?"

The priest says,
"Oh, no, no, no, not for anything like that. Trust me, I've heard worse

Why, just five minutes ago a married man came in confessing that he's been putting on a blue dress and whoring himself out on the corner of washington street every sunday night"

[lonewolf]

A blonde walks into the library. She walks up to the counter, SLAMS a book down and screams at the librarian, - “This is the WORST book I’ve ever read!” “It has NO plot and far too many characters!”

The librarian looks up and calmly remarks - “So, you’re the one who took our phone book…”

[Emerates]

What's the difference between a conductor and a bull?

Somebody has to ask 'what?' now, or you'll never know.

[Emerates]

With a bull, the horns are in front and the asshole's in back.

[Archem]

I don't get it. Perhaps I'm thinking of the wrong definition of "conductor".

[lonewolf]

Native Indian Name's


The privilege of naming all the children of the tribe always fell to the chief.

One day a small Indian boy asked him how he chose the names for all the children.

“Well, my son,” the chief replied, “When I step out of my tepee, I name each child after the first thing I see.

“For instance, when a child is born and I step out of my tepee and see a pale moon rising, I say - you shall be called, Pale-Moon-Rising.”

“And when a child is born and I step out of my tepee and see a hawk flying over, I say - you shall be called, Hawk-Flying-Over.”

“So why do you ask, Big-Dog Pooping?”

[Archem]

Haha! Beautiful!

[drenrin2120]

XD simplicity is awesome

[Razor]

Replace "conductor" with "orchestra", then it makes sense.

[Archem]

Ah. I suppose I was thinking of the wrong definition.