war between life and death

[mind-master: brain(mmb)]

good to MT11, bad to STF.

so bassicaly pointless, a well XD

[karl3]

sam your games are getting much better im glad i was able to teach you how to make intro's (actually why am i glad i did it cuz u live next to me lol)  (friends for life sam)

[mind-master: brain(mmb)]

you live next door to him? gr8 you can help him out^^

[karl3]

i always do. i always help to my fullest potential

[Rune_of_Punishment]

I'm a cynical bastard, but I have the right. Improvements are needed, and without actually stating it and coating it with praise IS NOT HOW YOU DO IT. There are critics in this world, and critics help make things better. Like myself, I'm very critical when it comes to plot development and grammatical problems. I'm not perfect with grammar, but I'm really good with it.

Samus... while you did the start the sentences off with capital letters, you still didn't capitalize everything that needed to be capitalized. "I" needs to be capitalized, and commas need to come after prepositional phrases that are four words or longer. Your English for crying out loud.

[Syntax]

Originally posted by samus the fighter
ok ill explain


 long long ago there was a evil queen named lakos she wanted to rule the world with monsters but 1 day samuels farther (the main char) stood up for the humans and then the queen took his wife samuels mom and took her to be headed then he saved her and then the queen took samuels farther and showed him the war between humans and monsters and he was mad and then the queen became one of the monsters to destroy the human race and thats just the intro of the past the beging takes 15 years back when samuel is grown up and seeks the truth about the war between life and death and him and his friend jamie go into the cave were samuels farther fought lakos and they get teleported into the past and they must kill lakos and save samuels dad from death and his morther o yea and kill lakos and stop the war when it began no one knows but they must find the truth between this war!!!!!


 o yea i must get rid of them thanks lol

Wow!!! Thats one big sentance. Its really important that your game makes sence, and that we can understand what your saying.

Your game is really doing progress, good job. I hope its even better the next time I come and see your thread again.

[Kardin]

Alrighty then, this game has indeed improved since the first screen, HOWEVER, there it still lots of room for improvement. The writing: You're still missing capitals. You should have learned way back in like, the first grade that when you're saying I (as in "I eat cheese") you must ALWAYS USE A CAPITAL 'I', EVEN IF IT'S THE LAST WORD IN A SENTENCE.
Two: Names. They too must have a capital at the beginning.
Three: Literacy. Use descriptive and proper punctuation. When you can't see a character's facial expressions or hear their voice, the text must do so instead. Compare:
coal lukt in2 her dep brwm i's and sed: i luv u

OR:
Coal looked softly into her deep brown eyes. He took a breath wispered: "I love you."

Which has more impact? The answer is the second one. NOW, more on punctuation:

Compare:
ha ha ha. you mortal fools. im cant b difeated do you not c hey is sumething burning.

om im on fire

OR:
"BWA HA HA! You mortal fools! I cannot be defeated! Do you not see that- hey... is something burning?

OH MY GOD I'M ON FIRE!"

The second one had a lot more feeling to it. Also, every detail counts. For instance, never write 'o' instead of 'oh' or 'yah/ya/yea' instead of 'yeah'.

And for you hoidy-toidy anti-RTPers, custom sprites aren't for everyone. Some don't have the skill, or the proper programs. The new version of my game doesn't have RTP, but spriting is a lot of work. Leave the guy alone and let him use all the RTP he wants, it just means he's not a great spriter.

[Rune_of_Punishment]

Um... I kind of established that...

[Syntax]

Yeah, he does have a point.
It took me longer to read/understand
coal lukt in2 her dep brwm i's and sed: i luv u
than
Coal looked softly into her deep brown eyes. He took a breath wispered: "I love you."

If you dont fix your writing, it wont matter if you use sexy graphics.

[PeRKLE]

I think that the game needs improvement (as probably everyone here too), but if you have problems with spelling and grammatics, you can always send the game to me and I can make a list of possible writing errors and then send the list to you (I have pretty good English, I have studied it for 10 years). Tell if it's okay.

[Syntax]

10 years? you mean school right.
then me it would be 11 years XD

[karl3]

dont moan at sam he aint been to school for 2 years

[PeRKLE]

I started it in kindergarden I mean English. Karl you mean Samus haven't been in school?

[karl3]

he has not been to school for three years

[PeRKLE]

Okay, then I understand those errors and I'm glad if I could help some way.