The Little Conqueror

[Bart_Fatima]

A rough draft of a book I am writing

Chapter I
   The Conqueror and The Advisor


In 175 AD, Sun Jian's eldest son, Sun Ce, was born. Sun Ce along with his brother Sun Quan and his sister, Sun Shang Xiang, would later lead the Wu army to victory. When the Alliance went against Dong Zhuo in 190 AD, The Sun family moved to the Shu country in the Lu Jiang district. Once here they met the Zhou family where their son, Zhou Yu, was befriended by Sun Ce. They later swore an oath of brotherhood after being coming good friends, with Sun Ce being the elder brother only by two months. The two would later fight side by side, in the army of Sun Jian against many enemies.
Sun Ce was shorter than Zhou Yu, with red and gold armour with his hair tied in a ponytail. He's speciality was using tonfa's which were called 'The God Of War' and using his feet and fist. Zhou Yu however, was tall, long black hair with a red, white and gold robe and a long curved sword which was called 'The Elder Moon'. ZHou Yu was known as 'Handsom Zhou Yu' and he was a talented artist, writer and actor as well as very handsome hence the nick name handsom Zhou Yu. They were unstoppable as a team. So when Sun Jian teamed up with Yuan Shu to get rid of Liu Biao, the two showed their strength on the battle field.

In 192 AD, when Sun Jian and Yuan Shu went to attack Liu Biao, Sun Ce wanted to accompany his father, and Huang Gai to attack Fankou in Jingzhou with their fleet of ships.
Sun Jian turned to look at his son. " Sun Ce, my eldest son, this is your first battle." Sun Jian takes out his blade and raises it."SHOW THEM THE MIGHT OF THE SUN FAMILY!" Cheers and war crys pierce the air. Sun Ce raises his tonfa's like his father did. " Yes. Alright! WE SHALL TAKE LIU BIAO'S FORT IN ONE BLOW!" Sun Ce then got ready for a rough landing.The ships hit the shore and soldiers poured out of the fleet ships."CHARGE!" Sun Ce, Sun Jian and Zhou Yu yelled as they ran among the hundreds of soldiers.Once the Sun Jian's army was running on the shore, their army quickly gained victory.
" All units, attack the castle!" Sun Jian commanded as he charged into one of Liu Biao's small troops.They marched to Dengcheng where they killed Liu Biao's officers, Zhang Hui and Cheng Sheng, while forcing Huang Zu to retreat his army to Xiang Yang. While Sun Jian's army attacked the City, Sun Jian himself was ambushed by Lu Gong and was killed.
Sun Ce and Huang Gai rushed to Sun Jian's side. " FATHER! "  Sun Ce cried. He reached for his father's head but it was pale. He had been slashed off his horse and killed. "DAMN LIU BIAO! You will pay for my fathers death!" Sun Ce, took over the Southlands army, and withdrew and had a proper burial for his father in the plains of Qu'e.

[blackskullwarlock]

Accurate in most point. Sun Ce didn't call upon Zhou Yu before he went to conquer Yang, which is after Sun Jian's death because of Huang Zu's clever ambush. Sun Ce never got next to his father at his death. Liu Biao brought Sun Jian's body to his camp while Sun Ce had captured Huang Zu. Sun Ce and Liu Biao eventually came to a trade where Liu Biao gives Sun Jian's body back if Sun Ce releases Huang Zu.

You should mention that Zhou Yu was often refered as 'The man with a beautiful face' or 'Handsome Zhou Yu'. In history, Zhou Yu was a talented artist, writer and actor as well as very handsome.

[Bart_Fatima]

well stating from the novel

While the city was being sieged, Sun Jian fell into an ambush laid by Lu Gong and was killed.

but I'll take Zhou Yu out.


but you want me to get rid of when Sun Ce says he'll avenge his father..or should I save that for the burial.

[blackskullwarlock]

From what I've read, you are mixing parts from Sanguozhi, SanGuoYanYi, Luo Guanzhong and Dynasty Warriors.

If you are writing a 'Fan Fiction', leave everything as it is because it's fiction. If, on the other hand, you are making an historic novel, keep it historically accurate. What I mean by that is that BoFu was *not* using tonfas and Zhou Yu never mentionned the name of his sword. The only weapons that ever got an official historic names are Guan Yu's Green Dragon Saber, Zhang Fei's Serpent Blade and Liu Bei's Dual Swords of Heavens.

I honestly don't know why you would write a story about Sun Ce. His lifespan is way too short, he dies not long after conquering Liu Yong, Yan Baihu and Wang Lang. He was a popular leader but a poor politician....which led to his demise.

Also, should you be interested, there is no historical records that The Two Qiaos actualy existed.

[Bart_Fatima]

NO QIAOS! WHAT THE HELL!


nooooooo so what! I'll take out there weapons names

[Drace]

Oh my god, all those asian names! My bloody head!

[blackskullwarlock]

The Two Qiaos are a very foggy subject. Chen Shou, an officer of that time and author of the Sanguozhi, doesn't mention The Two Qiaos. Many believe that Luo Guanzhong invented that to add to the story.

[Trevlac]

Excuse me, but I have no idea what's going on here but, BSW, I'd love to know about this story, it sounds interesting!

[Bart_Fatima]

thank you I will keep you guys updated

[Ace of Spades]

If you're making a historic novel, use their real names. The names you are using are from Dynasty Warriors, not the true story. Example: The Yellow Turbans - Dynasty Warriors. Their real name was the Yellow Scarves.

[blackskullwarlock]

Oh yeah one more thing. Sun Quan was born 7 years after Sun Ce. Ce was born in 175 and Quan in 182. I would have chose Quan over Ce if I was to write a story about Wu. Ce only lived 25 years while Quan lived 70(!).

[Bart_Fatima]

Ace...Those ARE THE NAMES USED IN THE SANGUO YANYI!

SO I shall keep there names for now...its a fiction...not historical

And another thing..I WILL keep making this or If nobody here wants me to make it I'll make Ma Chao's..but I am making for now so deal with it.

Sorry BSW, but it'll be a small book then. Once I add more dialogue it'll be bigger.

[blackskullwarlock]

Just to back up Bart. The Yellow Scarves are indeed called The Yellow Turbans in the SanguoYanYi. The Yellow Scarves, tho the 'official' historic name, is overlooked by most except the experts.

So it's a fiction? Aye then you are free to do as ye wish, even give Sun Ce a tutu, heh.

[Ace of Spades]

The Sango what-y? Nevermind, I'm thinking of something else. I do know that those aren't their real names though.

[Bart_Fatima]

ergh! okay Guan Yu's realy name is

KUAN YU! WHAT DIFFERENCE! A K! OOOOOO BIG DEAL!

They are pronounce just as well as the real names

ecept this
T'sao T'sao I think that how you spell it...is cao cao's name