Favorite Jokes

[Drace]

Consider it done Pope.

[Razor]

It may not be classed as a joke, but I generally like quoting Flash animations at in/appropriate times.

[Bobb]

Okay, so this nun is says she is sorry about some of the actions she had done golfing. She goes to one of her sisters. She said "I was golfing and when i hit the ball it was going toward the green, when a bird hits it while it was flying, the ball drops into the water hazzard." the sister says "and you said some bad things?" the nun says "no, a fish spat out the ball, and a squirel took it the other way, then another squirel takes it (i think i can't really remember) and goes to the green and spits it out next to the hole." the sister says "You missed the f***** put didn't you?"

[Legendary Troy]

George W. was out jogging one morning along the parkway when he tripped, fell over the bridge railing and landed in the creek below.
Before the Secret Service guys could get to him, three kids, who were fishing, pulled him out of the water. He was so grateful he offered the kids whatever they wanted.

The first kid said, "I want to go to Disneyland."

George said, "No problem. I'll take you there on Air Force One".

The second kid said, "I want a new pair of Nike Air Jordan's."

George said, "I'll get them for you and even have Michael sign them!"

The third kid said, "I want a motorized wheelchair with a built-in TV and stereo headset!!"

Bush is a little perplexed by this and says, "But you don't look like you are handicapped."

The kid says, "I will be after my dad finds out I saved your *** from drowning!"

   too funny

[ZeroKirbyX]

Knock knock.Who's there.
Little boy blew.
Little boy blew who?
Michael Jackson.

A guy goes into a doctor's office and sits down.
Doc: I have some bad news and some worse news.
Man: Tell me the bad.
Doc: You're going to die in 24 hours.
Man: What's the worse news!?
Doc: I've been trying to reach you since yesterday.

[Drace]

This jokes is a real good, had to translate to english though:


A man comes in a bar and notices that theres nobody else."Weird." he thinks, but he decides just goes and sit down and orders a nice cold beer. "I advise you to leave sir, the Black Knight comes soon!". The man doesn't understand and finds it bullshit so he stays. A while later he orders another beer. "I really advise you to leave sir, the Black Knight comes soon!". But the man stays. On precise twelve o'clock the doors open and in walks a man which is 2 meters high, very wide and wears a black leather pants and jacket. He walks directly to the man and says "Suck!" So the man unbuttons the pants and starts to suck as crazy. "Faster! Suck faster!" So the man sucks faster. "Faster! Much faster!" So the man sucks till he's out of breath and stops. "But sir, why do you have so much hurry?" "Well," says the man. "The Black Knight comes soon."

[Pythis]

The president sits in his office one day and a man comes in. "Mister President what have you done today?" The man asks. "A world record. See that jigsaw puzzle?" The president asks. "Yea it's already done." The man says. "Yea I did it but in record time!" The president says. "How long did it take you to do it?" The man asks. "The box says 2 to 3 years I finished it in 1!"

President = Uuber ultimahte master of teh Unitd Stats(In his dreams)

[Drace]

If I would get a nickle for every time I heard that one or one similliar then I could buy Microsoft.

[CoolZidane]

George W. Bush and his veep running mate, Dick Cheney were talking, when George W. said, "I hate all the dumb George W. jokes people tell about me."

Wise Old Cheney, feeling sorry for his old boss kid, said sage-like, "Oh, they are only jokes. There are a lot of stupid people out there. Here, I'll prove it to you."

Now Cheney, to patronize George W, took him outside and hailed a taxi driver.

"Please take me to 29 Nickel Street to see if I'm home," said Cheney.

The cab driver without saying a word drove them to Nickel Street, and when they finally got out, Cheney looked at George W. and said, "See! That guy was really stupid."

"No kidding," replied George W. "There was a pay phone just around the corner. You could have called instead."

[Pythis]

XD! Nice one I like the originality.

[FFL2and3rocks]

MAN: I'd like to buy some dog food.
CHECKOUT LADY: Do you have a dog?
MAN: Yes.
CHECKOUT LADY: Where is he?
MAN: He's at home.
CHECKOUT LADY: I'm sorry, I can't sell this dog food to you unless I see the dog. Store policy.
The next day, the man returns.
MAN: I'd like to buy some cat food.
CHECKOUT LADY: Do you have a cat?
MAN: Yes.
CHECKOUT LADY: Well...where is he?
MAN: He's at home!
CHECKOUT LADY: Sorry, I can't sell this cat food to you unless I see your cat.

The next day the man returns.
CHECKOUT LADY: What's in the sack?
MAN: Put your hand inside.
CHECKOUT LADY: Hmmm...It's warm and moist! What is it?
MAN: I would like to buy some toilet paper.

[Pythis]

XD I heard that somehwre. In the words of me "Never says something unless it hurts someone wlse"

[VahnGrave]

Why do hillbilly's do it doggy style?!






























































SO THEY CAN BOTH WATCH NASCAR!

[FFL2and3rocks]

In hillbilly areas, why do the Drivers Ed. classes only get to use the car on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday?

Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed. class uses it.

[True Evil]

This is one out of my "The MAD Student Survival Guide for those bored of education" Book!

Bumper stickers that reflect REAL school life:
1)Due to watered down academic standards,my child is an honor student at Northwest High!

2)My child was officially cleared of any wrong doing in the recent fire at P.S. 207!

3)My child portrayed an honor student at Lower Upland High!

4)My child would have been student of the month, but one teacher had a grudge against him and gave him a "B" instead of an "A"!

5)My child was ritalin-taker of the month at North Central Tech!

6)After I made a large donation to the Alumni fund, my child by sheer coincidence, was named student of the month at St.Bob's Prep!

7)Me child am english honor stud int at BrowwnLake High!

8)My child successfully passed through the metal detector at Southeast Junior High!

Some arn't really funny... But I can't think of anything else, so I found my MAD book.