"Suicidal Love"

[Krynth]

Guessin since the majority of us are men this wont have the same result I got on my other site but then all the replies were female.........so it be nice to get some bashing done!
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1-*sigh* ... I stared at nothing really just watched the rain pour... Everything looked so dull, so gray, nothing interesting to watch, just stood there listening to the beat against my umbrella... Every once in awhile, not often a car would pass by but lil happened as I waited...Why am I here? What am I waiting for? I still hope for her to come, its pointless for me to be here waiting...I cant abandon her. I look as a car drives by slowly as if looking for someone, it goes by...was it her? No...it wasn't, the car passes by and then fades. How long has it been...days? months? a year? No it couldn't have been that long since I last saw her. The rain continues to pour as minutes go by...nothing happens. Wait! Is it...? Yes! It is...she walks slowly towards me with her head down... I wait for her to look up before I wave. Somethings wrong...her face is wet. Did the rain get her...no she's crying. Why?

2- She walked passed me crying, without a word, starring blankly ahead. I didn't understand. Does she not recognize me, not once did she make eye contact. Is she there? Am I? No! I cant doubt the existence of either one of us! I didn't know why I'm here or what pushed me to wait but I'm not going to stand there and watch her leave again! The rain poured down on me like daggers, I cared less... Wait! I ran and grabbed her cold hand; she stopped without looking back...

3-She still didn't budge and at the touch of her cold hand neither could I. The strength I had left me as sudden as it had came, as if ... My words choked as I told her of my promise. That I would wait for her till she came back, tI'me didn't matter, and I wont loose her again Still she was silent still she stood there without looking back. Slowly her had slipped from mine and again I was losing her something had taken a hold of me something dark and cold.

4- I watched her go once again fading b/4 my own eyes, to the corners where she turns. Whatever had a hold of me was lost and I ran to catch upI turn at the corner. She was gone, how could I lose her where could she have gone. A few people crossed at the intersection, running to get out of the rain. Some huddled together and some alone, all underneath umbrellas accept one.

5-He stood there in the rain, leaning against the wall standing against the wall watching the people, the traffic, and the ground being struck by the drops of water, with his hair over his face. Hey there! He didn't hear and I started to go towards hI'm in hopes that he saw her but a cold chill struck me and I fell to my knees in pain. For a brief moment all these emotions of darkness covered me. I looked up and saw a blur, the shape of a woman under her umbrella. It was her I cried out to her but no words came.

6-The man turned and looked then waved at her. I couldn't see his face, it too was all a blur but unlike me she noticed hI'm. But the meeting b/w the two of them was cold. I could hear her voice but not understand a word she said though they spoke clearly. Her words sounded distant and sad as if what she said was not true, being forced to say something she did not wish to say. Again I fall down to my knees in pain. The mans voice echoed through my head, his words sounded so familiar yet I cant put it to his unseen face.

7- By watching hI'm and the sound of his voice you can see that he wasn't relieved to what he heard. After much dispute trying to persuade her, he gave up and sighed. The two of them held hands for a bit then held each other. The rain gently poured down, beating against her umbrella as they kissed. I tried to get up, to run to them, but not a muscle would move. Jealousy...watching her being held by this faceless man that I see. "Stop! Please stop..." Not a word reached them as my voice echoed through the cold wind... I closed my eyes.

8- The sound of a screeching car and screams of people broke the silence...I opened my eyes. the darkness didn't leave me, she layed in the middle of the street in the man's lap. The people started gathering around them, these black and white figures without faces. Their voices, gasps, murmurs, ringing without clarity. I got up to run to her, pushing through the crowd. Finally I broke through the crowd..."God!" I stare down with fear and disbelief, cursing my eyes for their trickery. The man the held her in his lap was me...

9-I fell to my knees and buried my face into my hands crying. the voices dI'm...the rain stopped...a hand touched my shoulder. I looked up teary eyed at a girl but had to wipe my face to see clearly. there she stood the woman I loved.

10-She held out her hand for me to grab, I looked up at her as she helped me up. Not a word came from her lips but she smiled and we walked hand in hand towards a spec of light which our bodies faded into...

[Cosmos]

Um dude... creative arts.

[Ben]

Its written nicely. But things like "b/4' throw it off.
The verse structure reminds me of the book of proverbs meets a diary. That throws me off, but ive seen the style around before.
Pretty emo to post here...but whatever.
Creativity is gold, even when the audience isnt a perfect fit for the garment. Its a bit dramatic for my likes, but good on ya, for having the balls to post it here.

That being said, Now ive gotta make some demasculating remark. Insert it here.

[ZeroKirbyX]

Like Gemini said, it's a bit emo for charas.

[Krynth]

yea too emo actually now that its been mentioned, first time for me to write anything of its sort, well at least I'm getting bashed! (getting real comments other than wow or it sux)

so writing is an art? never thought of it that way.....

Edit: I did try this wierd sci-fi hentaii story but I never got around to finishing it......I rather stick to the medieval era

[Razor]

Don't you worry, when Meiscool gets back you'll get the bashing you want. Or something sarcastic. Or something... God knows. Meiscool is hard to predict.

[Krynth]

**** I cant wait for Meiscool to get back and bash! It's so much fun reading what he has to say.....(you know I'm still not sure of Meiscool's gender cause everyone keeps saying both)

[Black Massacre]

Originally posted by Krynth
**** I cant wait for Meiscool to get back and bash! It's so much fun reading what he has to say.....(you know I'm still not sure of Meiscool's gender cause everyone keeps saying both)

Heshe's a shemale so don't worry.

[ZeroKirbyX]

Originally posted by Black Massacre

Originally posted by Krynth
**** I cant wait for Meiscool to get back and bash! It's so much fun reading what he has to say.....(you know I'm still not sure of Meiscool's gender cause everyone keeps saying both)

Heshe's a shemale so don't worry.[/B]

Oh wow, did you come up with that all on your own?

[Ben]

Dude. I didnt bash at all

[Moosetroop11]

Some bits seemed fairly good but it had a bit of an amateurish feel to it to be honest. Keep reading and writing and your writing skills will improve.

[PyroAlchemist]

Meiscool is a dude. Nuff said. Now ZKX >.>; That one I'm not to sure of XD just playin man.

[Krynth]

Originally posted by gemini
Dude. I didnt bash at all

yes sorry about that, really not sure why I said that but thnx for the reply

Originally posted by Moosetroop11
Some bits seemed fairly good but it had a bit of an amateurish feel to it to be honest. Keep reading and writing and your writing skills will improve.

yea I have to agree there, I'm just glad the replies are'nt one word comments or complaints on spelling (i did do spellcheck but probably shoud of check it myself), other than being bored I think I also posted this here to get opions from a diff. audience

[ZeroKirbyX]

Originally posted by PyroAlchemist
Now ZKX >.>; That one I'm not to sure of XD just playin man.

I dunno, it's a valid thought. Do I have male genitals?

[PyroAlchemist]

Uhm. I dunno. Maybe. You should check.