Who would win?

[Red Giant]

John Constantine, because he's cockney.

28 Days Later Infected vs. Romero Zombies

[Rahl]

28 Days Later

Darth Vador vs. Captain Kirk

[Musha]

Captain Kirk, because his name is spelled right.

Ni Hao Kai Lan vs. Dora the Explorer

[fruckert]

Ni Hao Kai Lin, cuz she has a cool name

Rule 34 vs. You

[Archem]

Rule 34. I wouldn't mind seeing a little bit of porn involving me, after all.

Cold cereal vs. hot cereal.

[Darrellito]

Cold cereal, because I don't like waking up to burn my mouth.

Trix vs Coco Puffs

[Archem]

Cocoa Puffs. And hot cereal is, like, oatmeal. Which is beyond ****ing awesome. It was a trick question, and you failed hard. The trick is that hot cereal is always better, regardless of what you may think.

Ellipses versus ellipsis.

[Musha]

Ellipses, because more is better.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles vs. Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers

[fruckert]

Nothing. Techically, it doesn't exist, and you can't beat the nonexistent

Archem vs. The World

[X_marks_the_ed]

Kaboom is obviously a fusion of Boom with Kamehameha, so I'd have to go with Kaboom.

Your weight in cash vs your weight in bubbling fat.

[Archem]

Well, I already have my weight in bubbling fat, so I'm just gonna have to settle with my weight in cash.

Happy Gilmore vs. Billy Madison.

[Darrellito]

They're both Sandler, so who gives a ****?

Fist vs Nuts

[Archem]

Fist.

Happy Gilmore vs. Billy Madison (I demand a God damned answer this time).

[Rahl]

_____________

Happy Gilmore vs. Billy Madison

[X_marks_the_ed]

Nobody pays attention, The Joker wins.

Football vs Football.