The Fires of Balzar my novel

[Fisherson]

Hello,if you don't know me,i'm Fisherson and I wrote and posted a novel some months ago.
It was a Sci-fi novel entitled the Fires of Balzar.I will be posting my writings on here as I finish them.
i'm looking for critisism and advice.

[Fisherson]

In the frozen depths of space there spins a quite unremarkble
little green planet by the name of Balzar.It is a class three
world in the Free Alliance.Which means it is a pre-tecnological
planet with no goverment system.Which is no suprise to some considering
the inhabitants happen to be reptiles,They are called Balzari.
A balzari is typicaly four to six feet tall covered in blue,black and scales.
They are regaurded by most as agressive,primitive and stupid,but this is not
the case episcialy in the case of a young Balzari by the name of Salazar.

How is my opening,is it good or is there somthing more i should add?
Also,has anyone ever sold a novel they were writing?I need to some tips on
how long the chapters should be in order to transfer on to paper,you know what i'm talking about?

[ZeroKirbyX]

It's pretty... bad.

[Fisherson]

It's pretty... bad.

Ok,how exactly?

[Prpl_Mage]

In the frozen depths of space there spins a quite unremarkble little green planet by the name of Balzar.
It is a class three world in the Free Alliance. Which means it is a pre-tecnological planet with no goverment system.
  Which is no suprise to some considering the inhabitants happen to be reptiles.
They are called Balzari; a balzari is typicaly four to six feet tall covered in blue,black and scales.
They are regaurded by most as agressive,primitive and dumb,but this is not the case, episcialy not a young Balzari by the name of Salazar.

I didn't do anything.

Ok, I did. Well, it's good I suppose. But you need to catch the readers' interest. I'm afraid this doesn't.
First of all, perhaps some more formal words. It always looks good in novels.
And well, that description about the Balzari wasn't too important at the moment was it? You could easily move that part into the actual story where there could be a sentence like "Salazar stood in front of his brother, the blue-black scales glimmered in the sunlight".
Just trying to say that the things about the nature of the people did well, just not the looks of them.

Just try to read through your text though. I kinda reacted to some things.

[Fisherson]

Ah,i see thank you Prpl,i see now.I'll write a new one tonight if i get time.
Thank you for your help.

[Fisherson]

This is what I wrote today.It is not all that i'm planing to write today.

The Fires of Balzar chapter one Salazar the Devastator

The Fires of Balzar chapter one Salazar the Devastator


He stod in the shadow of towering Balori tree waiting for his prey to reveal itself.It was very humid,but
Salazar did not sweat,to do such beffore he could hurl his spear at the quick moving
Shishmack,would be a misstake.He was begining to grow inpatient with this follihness,he could hunt better than any of hisfellow tribesmen,even Shoro The Watchfull,his tribe cheiftanHe knew this because ohter hunters could guess a prey's moves as they happened,
but Salazar could feel the prey's emotions and reactions before they even knew they
were being hunted.

[ZeroKirbyX]

That's not exactly enough to post in terms of a story. It doesn't really make a lot of sense, particularly the last few sentences, and there are more than a few errors in type and punctuation.

[Fisherson]

Remember, try to be as descritive as possible. Use many words, many sentence. The bigger it is, the better. Describe the place, the time, the lighting, all that ****.
And check your topic.

Thanks I will try i'll revise it and add some tomorow if i get a chance.

[Phayre]

Bigger, overdescriptive, etc =/= better. Describe what's important, don't flood us with adjectives. Just enough to paint a picture, Lucas.
As for your story, Fisherson, even after sifting through the bad spellign and such, it's just. . . meh. Sorry. If you want, I've taken fantasy workshops with authors of some of the Star Wars books, along with Tamora Pierce and a few other authors. If you need any editing done, I'll see what I can do, but I can be pretty angry in my editing comments.

[Fisherson]

Bigger, overdescriptive, etc =/= better. Describe what's important, don't flood us with adjectives. Just enough to paint a picture, Lucas.
As for your story, Fisherson, even after sifting through the bad spellign and such, it's just. . . meh. Sorry. If you want, I've taken fantasy workshops with authors of some of the Star Wars books, along with Tamora Pierce and a few other authors. If you need any editing done, I'll see what I can do, but I can be pretty angry in my editing comments.

Sure,thanks for offering to edit,i need one realy bad.I'm sorry about my spelling
when i was younger i told my mother that i wouldn't take a spelling class and what you see is the
result.Wait a minute are you saying you helped a writer with work on a star wars book?!
I've been wanting to try writing for the Star Wars expanded universe and couldn't figure out how
to contct them.

[ZeroKirbyX]

Not to be rude, but there's no way you could write for that series yet. Just keep practicing.

[Ben]

Reptiles cant sweat, sop mentioning that is didn't sweat is redundant.
Reptiles are cold blooded. In a Warm environment, they would feel especially lively and active

[A Forgotten Legend]

Maybe you could describe the environment a bit more.  Maybe, "The sun was shining through the great Balori tree as the humid air left drops of moisture upon it's leaves." Or of the sort.  (Just off the top of my head)
Describe in detail so the reader can get a really good sense of where everything is happening.  Is he in a rain forest-like area?  Or maybe topical island?  Also, Proof-Reading is your friend.

+ I can never remember if it's is "it is" or the possessive. o.o  I wanted it to be the possessive. >.>

[Prpl_Mage]

It's all about practise to be honest. I can see that you are not that good at writing novels. You have some spelling and grammar misstakes, things that MS word would react to especially.
The thing you need to work the most on might be the punctuation and the commas. Yours just doesn't make sense most of the time.

The rest is all about experience. You learn more the more you write, your sentances could use quite some work to catch the reader's interest. But you just gotta learn from your own misstakes. Go read a book you like and compare it to what you're writing. I bet you'll see the difference between how descriptive they are compared to you, and in what manner.