TEXTVENTURE - Wordplay to the EXTREME!

[Moosetroop11]

> USE the CELLPHONE to ILLUMINATE STAIRWELL

[Archem]

You FLIP open one of the CELL PHONES (yes, it's a flip phone) and attempt to light up your path. Sadly, this ANTIQUE MODEL seems to be from before the times of BACKLIT SCREENS, and does little to aid your vision. The other CELL PHONE seems to have died during your time wandering through these HALLS. Success is not your middle name (it's actually RANDOLF. EDGE "SNAKE" RANDOLF MCCOY).

[Moosetroop11]

>Use Ability - Squint

[Archem]

USER ABILITY SQUINT NOT YET ACQUIRED!

Well dang. Can't you just try closing your EYES a little and see if it works anyway? You tend to hate it when games make you learn things that people learn naturally in REAL LIFE. VINCENT seems to be getting IMPATIENT, and wonders aloud about why the TWO (2) of you are just STANDING AROUND.

[Uberpwn_w00t]

>TELL VINCENT to SHUT his GOSH-DARNED YAPPER
>ATTEMPT to USE LANTERN (maybe it's one of those nifty crankable ones? EDIT: Just kidding. I reread everything now. It's battery powered. You can crank it anyway for fits and giggles though.)

[Archem]

You SLAP VNCENT around a little to get him to CLAM DOWN! That's like a portmanteau of CLAM UP and CALM DOWN. You're so clever when you want to be. VINCENT begins to OBJECT, since he hasn't said a word, but he gets the message: "SPEAK and I'll SLAP you again"! You take this MOMENT OF CLARITY to grab your LANTERN and ACTIVATE. The path before you lights up, and reveals that the STAIRS go up for a bit. More than you expected, in fact. Possibly even more than that! Well, perhaps it's time to begin your ASCENSION.

BEGIN ASCENSION?

(Y/N)

[Moosetroop11]

>y

[Archem]

You take a step upward, only for your FOOT to slip on the N KEY, and that pesky SPECIAL ABILITY kicks in again. As you PANIC and watch helplessly as your EXTREME CLUMSINESS does its worst, VINCENT CATCHES you. He informs you that you should really watch your step, as these STAIRS are quite old. ANTIQUES, in fact, passed down from his GRANDMOTHER. She was a kind old woman with a passion for STEPS of all sorts. VINCENT offers to show you her old LADDER collection later, to which you politely decline. You take a more cautious approach to this STAIRS thing, and eventually make it to the top. There is a ROOM with a SIGN on the DOOR which reads: "ROCK DOG'S LAIR - Knock before entering, or you will be SHOT!" Seems kind of him to WARN you.

[Uberpwn_w00t]

> SCHEME with Vincent
> ASSUME GANGSTER IDENTITY
> KNOCK on the DOOR and TELL ROCK DOG that you FOUND his KID MESSING AROUND in the KITCHEN

[Archem]

After a heart bowl of SCHEMING STEW, you make VINCENT KNOCK on the DOOR for you. He does his best impersonation of you, and explains that he (you) found VINCENT (him) in the KITCHEN (there). ROCK DOG sees right through the LOUSY VOICE ACTING, and KICKS the DOOR in (out?). You come face-to-face with ROCK DOG, the meanest S.O.B. this side of the KITCHEN. He seems a bit INTOXICATED right now, possibly from substances that aren't even ALCOHOLIC (or even LEGAL). He seems simultaneously LAX and AGGRESSIVE, making for an unpredictable encounter. He doesn't seem to recognize you, but in his state, that hardly seems like an issue. He asks you what the hell you're doing here.

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?

[Meiscool]

Hand Rock Dog the Love Note.

[Archem]

You hand ROCK DOG the LOVE NOTE you've been holding tenderly all this time. As he READS it, his face begins to grow a rather deep, reddish hue. VINCENT tries to take a glance at it, but is promptly PUSHED down the STAIRS. Somebody's taking this very seriously! After a few moments, ROCK DOG lets you down softly. He says that, while he's completely flattered, and thinks that you're a really great guy, his heart already belongs to another. Someone who's always been there for him. Someone with better B-BALL SKILLS. Someone with a VAGINA. It's not you, it's him. He says that he hopes you can stay friends, and that he'll always be close to you, even if he can't be with you romantically. He then PUSHES you down the STAIRS. As you tumble down and slam right into the barely recovered VINCENT, you think you can hear him murmur "I love you". You can never be sure, because at that moment, GUNFIRE erupts DOWNSTAIRS. ROCK DOG VAULTS over the two of you and out the DOOR to INVESTIGATE. Perhaps this is your chance to do a little INVESTIGATING of your own. What were you looking for again?

[Meiscool]

Investigate. Search for B-Ball skills and Vagina.

[Uberpwn_w00t]

>GRAB VINCENT and head UPSTAIRS
>SEARCH for any CLUES pertaining to the whereabouts of SKELLY'S BLING

[Archem]

You GRAB VINCENT by his B-BALL JERSEY (which would suggest MAD B-BALL SKILLS), and make your way back up the STAIRS. You make your way into ROCK DOG'S OFFICE, and begin to poke around for anything that can help you find SKELLY'S BLING. This place is a bit of a mess. You wonder how you'll ever find anything in a place like this. VINCENT asks you what you're looking for, and starts to question you about not responding to the GUNFIRE DOWNSTAIRS. You should make up a LIE, and quick!