Charas Pub

[fruckert]

[...wait, what did I make myself do?
That was mighty...random...]

Fruck 2: Hey guys.
Fruck 1: COOOOOOOOOOOO*fizzle*

[A Forgotten Legend]

AFL: So... what's up?

[fruckert]

Fruck 2: It appears that the android that I created for no apparent reason malfunctioned upon hearing the code word "cog".
            I quite frankly have no idea why, as it was not originally programmed into it.

Angel: Don't dwarves mine instead of program?

Fruck: ...I'm special, mmk?

[X_marks_the_ed]

Ed: "Behold! My work is complete!"
*points to large, jutting tower coming out of the Pub's roof*
Ed: "I officially mark the grand opening of the Tower of Whimsy!"

Angel: "What exactly is this thing again?"
Ed: "A tower of whimsy. A massive tower consisting of 2000 or more floors, each with it's own form of entertainment or pleasure - except Blackjack tables, they never arrived."
Angel: ".....why would you build such a thing, if the only floor needed is the one with hookers?"
Ed: "Because I'm still some experience short of my crafting skill."
Angel: "What?"
Ed: 'I started with 1928405 experience, and I needed 1928405 experience to level."
Angel: "How much did building this tower earn you?"
Ed: 'About 20000."

[Tomi]

Tomi: I'm so excited that I didn't have to bump this on this particular visit.
Bluhman: Wait, what?
Tomi: The thread; I'm glad that it was kept active and wasn't lost a few pages back.
Bluhman: The what? What's a thread?  I thought this was real life.
Tomi: You obviously took the red pill.

[Angel Walter]

Angel: I musta taken some sorta pill! I feel like I've had no control over what I've been saying for pages! Wait... Pages?
*everyone stares*
Angel: Umm... I'm gonna stop talking now...

[MissingName]

Missing Name: I'm still waiting for my scotch...

[Bluhman]

Bluhman: I'm still waiting for my scotch tape. 'Cept I shouldn't expect any, since this is all on line. *Leaves*

[Grandy]

It was the night just before Santa's arrival
And sulking in the streets was the one known as "the rival"
Every Charasian knew only one member could frown in christmas night:
It was Alex's Evil Twin Brother, Charas' only blight

"Christmas", he thought, "what a stupid day"
"With all this crap about 'giving away'"
"Obvious lies, all corny and sappy"
"So why do these fools pretend to be happy?!"

It was like this every year
He hated it all, be it santa, tree or deer,
He hated the lights, the gifts, the colours and all,
Every single toy soldier, toy car, doll or ball

The reason for this, everyone knew;
Old Charasians, and even those new,
For every year, because of his dark soul,
All the presents he received were lumps of coal

And so he glared at anyone singing a merry song,
And yelled "You're singing out of tune, also you've got a small dong!"
For every child, eyes gleaming as at the mall,
He kicked a puppy, and made sure they saw

And so years went by, little by little,
Christmas eveytime, and him in the middle
Until this year, after walking down a street,
Through a window he saw those who he hated to meet

Alex and Sai'Kar, Razor and Warxe
Mods and admins, all those hacks,
Bluhman and Archem, Fruckert and Purple too
All those members who smelled like poo

Mid and Lucas, Gemini and Valiere
All in a party, and he wasn't there
Moose and Osmose, Hobo and Grandy
All enjoying a sip of brandy

His fist clenched at what he had seen
They threw a party, and no one invited him?!
And by the tree he saw the gifts, all betifully wrapped
And thinking about the coal, finnaly his mind snapped

In the dark corner of his dark mind
A dark thought rose up, one far from kind
And he exclaimed, alone the street:
"If I can't enjoy christmas, no one shall do it!"

And that night, after everyone was asleep,
Alex's Twin Brother start his plan to make kids weep
Armed with planks, nails and a saw
He boarded all chimneys, no matter how small

But he was no fool; no gift from Santa would make people suspicious,
And his plan was more, much more vicious,
Before boarding up the chimney's hole
He went inside the houses, and left a piece of coal

After the job was done, it was time to return home,
And thought his hatred was quenched, he still felt alone
In his dark room he cursed the names
Of those who never remembered him during their christmas games

And as he mused over their faces upon finding the coal shard
He glanced at something under the door; a card
Could it be? Surely not!
But noly a christmas card would have such a silly knot.

He doubtfully opened it, hands shaking
And was greeted by his brother's handwriting
"Evil or not, you're still my sibling"
"Let's put aside our differences for this evening"
"There shall be a party down in my place"
"Don't be shy and show your face"

What was this feeling down in his chest?
Happiness? Surely you jest!
But no matter how much he tried to deny,
Tears of joy came down from his eye

"Christmas! Such a wonderful day"
"I wouldn't even care about giving gifts away!"
Then his mind raced back to what'd he done
"The chimneys!" he yelled while running from home

Now not sneaking, but as loud as he could be,
He raced against time, not caring if seen,
Alex’s brother wrenched open all houses,
In the process waking up even the deafest of mouses

But he didn’t manage it, his own work in the way,
And from the rooftops he could see Santa flying away
And for the first time since long gone,
Alex’s Twin felt bad for something he’d done

“Why are you crying brother?” Asked Alex from the street below
“It’s Christmas night, let those feelings go”
“I ruined Christmas, that is the reason”
“I ruined yours, no, everyone’s season!”

“Don’t be daft brother, Santa is no fool”
“You can’t block him away with some material tool”
And from the other side of the street, a child let out a cry of joy,
For they had indeed received their wished-for toy

And from down below, Alex waved at his brother
“You missed yesterday’s party, and that was a bother”
“So come, since you woke everyone up”
“Let’s reunite everyone and share a cup”

For the second time, happiness struck
Even thought he still felt slimy as muck
But the best part was arriving home,
And noticing a tree he didn’t remember done

Below it a gift, not coal, but a toy fire truck
And a letter from Santa “This time you deserve it, but don’t push your luck”

[Bluhman]

: God damn, this place is DEAD.

: *stares*

: What? What's so funny?

: . . . You say 'dead' like that's a bad thing.

: Well... Yeah? It's a bad thing? Look at this! Nothing's going on except lame christmas carols and terrible puns about tape from last year!

: I'll have you know that I am dead. And I'm perfectly fine with it. It's not like I had a choice, mind you.

: Doesn't matter. You're still creepy.

: Hey, guys! What's going on in this pub?

: The usual, cube boy. Eviction, brawling, and arguing with ghosts.

: How would you like being dead, too, you red cretin?

: How about NO? Seriously. How would I get any girls when I'm dead?

: Excuse me?

: Nobody want to **** a corpse!

: . . .Ookay, then.

: Just to let you know, I have plenty of good sex.

: With corpses?

: **** you.

[MissingName]

Missing Name: zzzzzz- huh?

[WarxePB]

*Giga Drills a bitch*

[Bluhman]

: Well, well, there are people here after all!

: What happened?

: I'm asking the same thing; I come in here and these two hooligans are fooling around.

: Hooligan nothing! We're... Uh... Pub inspectors! Yes!

: You're not fooling anyone.

: You're not fooling anyone that you're alive.

: A: I'm not attempting to fool anyone. B: **** you again.

: *Is hit by a drill* GAAAAAUGH!!!

: That drill can mean only one thing!

: What? What could it be?

: *Comes in through door* What's all this then?

: *Flies into Bluhman*

: Ouch.

: M-m-m-monster kill!

: Warxe? Well, I wasn't expecting that...

: What's a warxe?

: It's that blue-haired person thing. Also, that red guy looks totaled.

: *Soul leaves body*

: So, son, welcome to the afterlife.

: ...FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

: Now what's the big idea, just tossing your drills around like you just don't care?

[Grandy]

Grandy: I say, it's been years since people acted inside here. The cobwebs have cobwebs in them!

*a little spider is shown removing cobwebs from it's web with a tiny broom*

Grandy: And so I say it is good to see this place up and- holy **** is that a ghost?

[WarxePB]

Warxe: I've returned from a great place! A place where manly men use their courage to screw the laws of physics! A place where giant robots beat each other up for very little reason! A place where planet-sized energy hammers destroy the Sun, where robots themselves turn into rocket punches! See this drill? *points to the sky* This is the drill that's gonna pierce the heavens! GIGA BIG BANG GOLDION GETTER ROKETTO SPIRAL DRILL MIKURU CANNON! *overkills a spider with 3 minutes of SFX explosions, drills, hammers, beams and moe*

Grandy: Damn it, Warxe! There goes our special effects budget for the next three weeks!

Warxe: Eh, it was worth it.