The Big Emerald

[Legacy of Elecrusher]

Captain Ultimate Loverboy Bill stands back up after being dead.

CULB: When will you learn...

*runs into Warxe with the Blue Falcon and knocks him skyward*

CULB: Show me your moves!

*hops out of the cockpit towards Warxe*

CULB: Ultimate Loverboy... PAWNCH!

*slaps Warxe and sends him flying into Darth Ed, taking the emerald somewhere along the line*

[Fisherson]

The emerald fall into Jet's hands.

Jet: "Hey the flipping Emerald-Wait a minute! Every time i get the ***8ing thing I get tackled by a bunny. This time I brought protection though! *Equips bunny prof shield* ha now try something you fury- *Spots Playboy Bunny* Huba huba!

*runs over too woman*

Jet: Hey there, sexy lady!

Bunny: Hey yourself, handsome man!

Jet: How's about you and I head back to my place and bow bboew chika wow wow?

Bunny: Um I kind of need a down payment first, okay?

Jet: Huh? Oh sure i'll just-hey where did my wallet go?

Bunny: Is there a problem?

Jet: Er!..no problem I just need to..

Bunny: What about that big thing in your hand?

Jet: The Emerald? Gee I don't know..

Emerald: No, you fool she's tricking you!

Jet: Probly but still...

Emerald: There is no "but still" dicth her!

Bunny: Oh I see you're not high roller. Okay I leave now.

Jet: No! Wait, take it!

Bunny: *Catches Emerald* Than you! now let's  gwet to the good part the.. how do you say..banging?

Jet: Yeah!

Bunny: First close your eyes.

Jet: *Coses eyes*

Bunny: *Stuff bomb down Jet's pant's* Bye bye, lover!

Jet: Hey... where's the bang- oh boy *KABOOM*

Bunny: *Lightly tosses Emerald in hand* "See ya! <3

[uilo]

*From nowhere comes a spaceship and from it comes out a man*

uilo:At least! i finally arrived here, where the emerald lies.. wait a fu**** momment *looks at Bunny --ZOOM to bunny´s hands--* THE EMERALD!! *Starts running to Bunny blanding a Two handed sword* Come here!!

Bunny:What the heck do you want?! *looks behind and sees the sword* O m g! *starts running but it´s too late*

uilo:Well that was easy *cleans the blood from the sword* how much blood does she got O_O??... Ok now back to the Spaceship! *glorious pose*

Bunny:tehehe... did u think that u defeated me???

uilo: O_O Who the Heck are you?!?! *draw his Full customised Desert Eagle* Die already! *shoots al the ammunition he could* iuff i think that made it.... wait... where the fu*** is the emerald?!?!?!

[Bluhman]

*Meanwhile, deep in the depths of deep space, on a starship...*

: Captain, we have detected a shiny thing floating through space.

: Draw it on board cadet.

*The shiny thing is drawn into the ship and examined.*

: What could it be?

: It's a big emerald, stupid.

: Wonder what it might taste like?

: Well, it must be sprite flavored, it's so green!

: No way, it must be melon-flavored. Sprite was never that green!

: Well, the bottle was definitely that green, so it must taste like the bottle then!

: INFIDELS!!! Why are you discussing this?! You do not eat emeralds! Now, go off somewhere else while a true master examines this gemstone.

: Yes sir.

*The two crew members run out the door.*

: At last... The big emerald is mine to eat and absorb into mine flesh and take over the galaxy! Kuahahahhaaaaa!!!

: *Floats in mystically*... WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY CRYSTALLINE BROTHER!? PUT HIM DOWN!!! *Zaps the captain with electric powers.

: Ow! You nut, do you not see what I shall gain from consuming this jewel?!

: CAPTAIN, IT IS A POWER THOU CANNOT FATHOM. I CANNOT ALLOW THEE TO EAT THE EMERALD. THAT, AND IT'S MY BROTHER, SO I REALLY WOULDN'T LIKE YOU EATING HIM.

: This is ludicrous. The only way to determine which one of us could possibly be right is by shear force!

: SO BE IT. HAVE AT YOU, AS I AM A MASTER OF THE FORCES OF ELECTRICITY AND MAGIC!!!

*And so, an epic fight takes place, when suddenly...*

: Hey, nobody's piloting this thing, and now we're about to crash into this blue planet thing. Is everyone ok with that?

: 'Salright.


: Ok.

*Ship crashes, emerald flies out of the ship into Bluhman's hand.*

Bluhman: Oh. How convenient. Now I just need to get this thing back to the museum! *Jumps into his car and drives off on the freeway.*

: NO! DAMN YOU, DAMN YOU TO HELL, PURPLE-BEARDED MENACE!! I SHALL AVENGE MY BROTHER!!!

: That stupid Big Emerald ain't your brother, and when I get MY hands on it, I'm going to eat it and become god, so there! Now outta my way!!

[fruckert]

Meanwhile, after a resuscitation ceremony:

Fruckert: My dear alienamabobs, I fear that we are fighting for the wrong reasons. I so clearly deserve this emerald, as I am...
*dramatic zoom*
It's father

Aliens (in unison): How the hell does that work?

Fruckert: I'm a dwarf, it all works out.

Aliens (in unison): Ah, well you STILL CAN'T HAVE IT!
AHAHAHAHA!

Fruckert: NO I MUST HAVE IT I DESIRE TO BECOME A GOD! *snatches*

[Uberpwn_w00t]

Uberpwn: Stop right there!
Lucas: :O
Squirtle: :O
Aliens: :O
Uberpwn: The emerald is mine! I shall drain its power unto myself... And become the most powerful being alive!

[Bluhman]

Bluhman: Um.. Guys? I'm driving on the freeway with the emerald, here. Those aliens don't have the eme-

*Suddenly, because Bluhman is not paying attention to the road, his car rockets off the side of a turn and bumps into a tree trunk, bursting into flames.*

Bluhman: *Gets up from the wreckage, body on fire and with an arm missing.* I'm dead. *Walks off into the woods, holding the emerald in the remaining hand, in the general direction of his secret base*

Everyone: ...

: THAT STILL MAKES NO GODDAMN SENSE.

[fruckert]

Fruckert: Wait...I still have the emerald.

Bluhman: *looks at emerald in hand*

*they look at each other*

/lame plottwist

[Angel Walter]

Bluhman: What? How can this be!?
*Angel walks into shot from nowhere in particular*
Angel: Let me explain. You see when Fruckert lost the emerald what he actually lost was a miniature ninja using an illusion jutsu that just happens to-YOINK!
*Grabs emerald and runs towards the horizon*
Angel: HA!
*Angel proceeds to fall over the horizon, dropping the emerald a split second before going over the edge. Everyone looks at each other, waiting for them to make the next move*

[schilcote]

xcopy schilcote area:emerald

Schilcote Surprise! *grabs emerald*

del bluman, angel

Compilotron: You do not have permission to delete these files.

Schilcote: Blamm. But I have the emerald, for which I came to this universe, and I shall combine its power with the incredible power of my own internal reactor to finally have the power to defeat Weegee!
Schilcote: Heavy, take care of them!

xcopy C:\steam\schilcote\tf2\heavy area:bluman