Chuck Norris Facts

[Almeidaboo]

These are kinda silly, but i found them funny...just LOL...some made me laugh untl I cryied...for more: http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/page2.html

# When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

# Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

# There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

# Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

# Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

# Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

# Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

# Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

# There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.

# When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

# Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

# Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

# There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.

# Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

# Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

# Chuck Norris gave Mona Lisa that smile.

# Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

# Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost

# Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.

# Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.

# Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills People.

# There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.

# Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

# The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.

# There is no chin under Chuck Norris' Beard. There is only another fist.

# Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.

# Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.

# Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
# Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING

    *  When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesnt get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out.

    * Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.

    * Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.

    * There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.

    * When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.

    * Chuck Norris can't finish a "color by numbers" because his markers are filled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all blood is dark red.

    * A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.

    * When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.

    * Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick)

    * Chuck Norris’ house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.

    * When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it won't be because he is gay. It will be because he has run out of women.

    * How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it.

    * Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.

    * In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald's in Texas have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be

    * Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.

    * If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes.

    * Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

    * The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.

    * A picture is worth a thousand words. A Chuck Norris is worth 1 billion words.

    * Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.

    * Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It's called Chuck-Will-Kill.

    * When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.

    * While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium.

    * Chuck Norris once sued the Houghton-Mifflin textbook company when it became apparent that their account of the war of 1812 was plagiarized from his autobiography.

    * When Chuck Norris talks, everybody listens. And dies.

    * When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part.

    * Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this "a slow Tuesday."

    * Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Chuck Norris to go around.

    * Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.

    * For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.

    * Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego.

    * When taking the SAT, write "Chuck Norris" for every answer. You will score over 8000.

    * Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

    * When you're Chuck Norris, anything + anything is equal to 1. One roundhouse kick to the face.

    * Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.

    * On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

    * Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Chuck Norris.

    * Chuck Norris doesn't throw up if he drinks too much. Chuck Norris throws down!

    * In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.

    * Chuck Norris has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth.

    * Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.

    * Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Chuck Norris"

    * Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

    * Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.

    * If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his *** kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.

    * Chuck Norris can drink an entire gallon of milk in thirty-seven seconds.

    * Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther's womb.

    * Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.

    * The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.

    * It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

    * You know how they say if you die in your dream then you will die in real life? In actuality, if you dream of death then Chuck Norris will find you and kill you.

    * Chuck Norris has a deep and abiding respect for human life... unless it gets in his way.

    * The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked one of the corners off.

    * There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.

    * Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.

    * When Chuck Norris is in a crowded area, he doesn't walk around people. He walks through them.

    * Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.

    * James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.

    * Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

    * Thousands of years ago Chuck Norris came across a bear. It was so terrified that it fled north into the arctic. It was also so terrified that all of its decendents now have white hair.

    * Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

    * It takes 14 puppeteers to make Chuck Norris smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.


   

[Darkfox]

lol. I noticed the evolution one was stated twice.

* Chuck Norris doesn't go super saiyan. He goes Better than Super Saiyan Times Infinitey! And then the world explodes.

[Kijuki_Magazaki]

lol i've seen this countless times before <.< funny tho

[Darkfox]

Yes, but have you seen him go BTSSTI?

[Kijuki_Magazaki]

lmao no, nevah

[Darkfox]

I have yet to finish the sprite XD

Got yet to change the outfit. and fix a few things XD also do additional frames. I'm going to do a flash animation with clips from the movie and stuff XD

[DragonBlaze]

XD

Chuck Norris is awesome. His two second appearance made the movie DodgeBall great.

[Revolution911]

Its getting kinda old.

[shadus]

 

* Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.

 

[Meiscool-2]

*ahem*

Chuck Norris isn't hung like a horse, the horse is hung like Chuck Norris.

I don't think you've got that one.

[shadus]

I got one.May be stupid.

Noing rocks.They only Chuck Norris.

[Revolution911]

My favorite is

When Chuck Norris sleeps, time stops in fear of waking him up, giving the impression that he never sleeps.

Chuck Norris actually died 5 years ago, Death is afraid to tell him.

Upon hearing of the possible outbreak of Bird Flu, Chuck Norris became outraged and announced he will kill off every species of bird. When asked about his statement, he replied, "This is Chuck's world, and Chuck determines when thousands die, not birds."

There was once a time where Stephen Hawking could move and talk like a regular human being. This all ended when he beat Chuck Norris in a game of Bop-it.

[FFL2and3rocks]

Heh, I've read every one of those on that site.

[Desimodontidae]

Dude, the whole Chuck Norris thing is a long time in-joke thing amoungst my friends. We've made so many up it isnt funny. Actually, whenever we're playing hacky sack, one of our made up moves is a "Chuck Norris" when you kick it insanly high into the air during a crazy moment. Also known as "Chuck Norrising" it.

Oh yeah, one time, in math class, my teacher was like "You can't express irrational numbers as decimals." and I said "Chuck Norris can express irrational numbers as decimals.." it was great...

[VulcanRaven336]

WoW a cowboy who knows karate.
Did you get those from sleepaid? He showed me a website once. .