Chuck Norris Facts

[saxuallyAPeasing]

Smoking doesn't kill, Chuck Norris just dislikes the smell of cigarette smoke. And you know what happens when Chuck Norris dislikes something.

Chuck Norris is not in the army because the government fears that using his might would bring an end to the world as we know it.

Chuck Norris was originally chosen to be a secret character in Mortal Kombat: Deadly Alliance. Unfortunately, one roundhouse kick completely destroyed the motion capture suit.

Chuck Norris can punch someone through the face and tear out their heart without reaching down their neck.

Chuck Norris can play the highest note in man's hearing range. On a tuba.

At one time a game based off of Walker: Texas Ranger was under development. During the first beta test, Chuck's roundhouse kick caused a massive explosion, destroying many games, equipment, and single-handedly killing the Dreamcast.

Gas prices are so high because Chuck Norris takes a swig of gasoline for every *** he roundhouse kicks.

[Archem]

Chuck Norris recently learned to count to 15.







On one hand.

[X_marks_the_ed]

Chuck Norris' back is so hairy that even Persian women are turned off. But the men love it.

Chuck Norris' burps smell like semen.

Chuck Norris impaled the man from Nantucket with his own penis just to hold the title "Most Dicks Sucked...EVER!"

Chuck Norris once tried snorting Coke, but the ice cubes got stuck in his nose.

Chuck Norris once tried to get with Reese Witherspoon. She considered him "Legally Small Penised."

Mr. T pities the fool. Chuck Norris pities Mr. T.

Chuck Norris fans are upset because Anti-Chuck Norris fans don't spend hours coming up with witty rebounds. They just remember flicking through "Walker, Texas Ranger" and coming up with thousands of true, funny things to say about Chuck Norris. For instance, Chuck Norris is a martial artist who wears a cowboy hat in Texas and sports a ginger beard and tight jeans.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a midget and it burst into 25 gold coins. Chuck Norris was pissed off because you can't have sex with 25 gold coins.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain. Too bad his penchant for $800 platinum cock rings prevents him from being able to afford to pay the tariffs.

In Pac-Man, Chuck Norris does not lose lives, they simply go on coffee breaks.

Chuck Norris really DOES know the meaning of "Just Say No," because he just says no all the time...to women.

Chuck Norris is so great, he doesn't need to hurt the author of Anti-Chuck Norris facts. He's too busy having sex with his wife and three daughters.

When Chuck Norris is in a crowded area, he doesn't walk around people. He walks through them. Chuck Norris is but a ghost.

Chuck Norris' mom was in labor for three more days following his birth: one for his ego, one for his intelligence, and one for his talent. The latter two were stillborns from lack of oxygen. Only Chuck Norris' ego survived.

Chuck Norris cries himself to sleep every night, then wakes up to the sounds of his own cries.

Chuck Norris once took a spoon to the Super Bowl.

David Carradine, using his "l33t" Shaolin skills, can kill Chuck Norris with his mind, then separate Chuck Norris from his body to kick his ghost's ***.

One time, while watching gay porn, Chuck Norris swallowed his remote control because he thought it would feel good on the way out.

Chuck Norris was disowned by his father when it was discovered Chuck Norris could do the splits before learning to walk.

Chuck Norris' real name is Carlos Ray Norris, Jr.

If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his *** kicked" you will generate over 300,000 results. This page will be the first one because Chuck Norris is easily broken down into a self-fulfilling prophecy.

As a teen, Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later, the nuns gave birth to the 1976 Buccaneers, the worst team in NFL history, finishing their season 0-14 and losing by an average of 20 points per game. They were also shut out five times that season.

Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter.

The only number Chuck Norris can divide by is 0, because Chuck Norris is the definition of nothing.

Chuck Norris has yet to find the G-spot. Scientists find it perplexing that Chuck Norris doesn't know his way around his vagina.

When they asked Chuck Norris to be in Brokeback Mountain 2 he simply said "How many sex scenes?"

Chuck Norris once asked a group of people, "What's white, sticky, and falling from the sky?" Chuck Norris then licked his lips, rubbed his hands, and replied "The cumming of the Lord."

If Chuck Norris has fucked every woman in the world, then he has done his own mom.

A 7-year-old blind boy once found Waldo before Chuck Norris.

When Chuck Norris jumps in a pond, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet, the water gets terrified.

Chuck Norris auditioned for the T-800 part in the Terminator, but was refuted when it was discovered that he was part man, part cyborg himself. Capitalizing on the machine he was made out of, Chuck Norris assembled official Chuck Norris dildos with self-described "12 inches of action and excitement!"

Chuck Norris is the Rump Ranger.

and BTW, I found these by typing "Chuck Norris getting his *** kicked" in google.

[Razor]

That list was largely made up of anti chuck norris facts.
I hope he has sex with your wife and three daughters.

[X_marks_the_ed]

Originally posted by Razor
That list was largely made up of anti chuck norris facts.
I hope he has sex with your wife and three daughters.

Largely? Try 100%. I was bored. So I did the search and found these. just thought I'd share them.

Sex? With my daughters? He can have them. I couldn't care less.

[Archem]

And now I have a reason to hate you, Ed. I don't like most of the pro-Chuck Norris facts, but the guy is still awesome. You bring shame to your family by assembling these hateful words together in the Charas forums.
Just remember:

[X_marks_the_ed]

Originally posted by Archem2
And now I have a reason to hate you, Ed.

Join the club.

Members:
Andrew78
Toma

Our newest addition, Archem.

[FFL2and3rocks]

Chuck Norris will somehow find out about you and that list, and make your head a splode.

[Meiscool-2]

How is "Chuck Norris pities Mr. T" an anti Chuck Norris fact?

Not only do you suck Ed, but you also suck at trying to suck.

[Dragoon de Sol]

Originally posted by X_marks_the_ed
Sex? With my daughters? He can have them. I couldn't care less.

And that is why you do not make a credible parent...

[Seth Mitchell]

Chuck Norris is so great, that he once was caught masterbating in the Circle T parking lot by my house. Luckly no one was injured(not including chuck's would be children).

 

[Big_Duke]

Angels Sang out,
in imactulate chorus,
Down from the heavens,
descended Chuck Norris,
who delivered a kick,
which could shatter bones,
into the crotch,
of Indiana Jones,
who fell over on the ground,
writhing in pain,
as batman changed back,
into Bruce Wayne,
But chuck saw through,
this clever disguise,
and crunched Batman's head,
in between his thighs,

[Dragoon de Sol]

The Ultimate Showdown...

Good one, but for those who have not seen it, they will be clueless to what is going on there...

[Archem]

Then they should google it. But wait, Chuck died, didn't he? Hmm...

[Grandy]

Originally posted by Archem2
Then they should google it. But wait, Chuck died, didn't he? Hmm...

 It was just an flash, not something that would happen in real life.