Vending Machine

[Gage]

They come back out crushed.

I insert a midget into the machine.

[MissingName]

Out comes a lawn gnome.  Oh, wait - it's just the midget covered in ceramic.

I put a fishing pole and silly hat in the vending machine.

[fruckert]

a really fucking stupid YTMND.

Isn't that kind of redundant?

Out comes a dwarf on a stick.

I throw him back in there, because he's scaring me.

[Gage]

You hear " Thank you for your exchange. " And out comes a crisp 1$ bill.

I insert a blue flamingo.

[supasora]

The machine shoots out a pink flamingo which stabs you in the heart with it's beak for your poor choice.

Burce lee puts chuck norris in the machine. 

[John Brown]

Chuck norris screams as the gears rip him apart. Lee watches. In the bad lighting, the shadows twist his face into a hideous grin. He cleans up the blood with the janitor's mop. Later that week, he sees that the janitor was arrested for killing Norris. He laughs.

I put God's autograph into the machine.

[fruckert]

Out comes a black man.

I stare in confusion at the machine, and then scissor kick it in the jaw.

[Felix-0]

The machine punches you in the mouth

I put in a bandaid

[Obvious Sock Account]

Abuse of 4chan memes and general newfaggotry come out.

I go back to bed.

[Felix-0]

Abuse of 4chan memes and general newfaggotry come out.

I go back to bed.

lol, how did you get that from band-aid?

An alarm clock comes out,

I put in a flash drive

[MissingName]

Out comes a virus!

A quack doctor rushes to the machine's aid and pumps it full of vaccines.

[Obvious Sock Account]

lol, how did you get that from band-aid?

Inferred it from the person whom my post preceded.

The machine dies.  Bill Maher gloats. (Any one who gets this wins an internet)

I get angry and throw things for reasons I'm not wholly aware of.

[fruckert]

The machine pops a soda can out at your face in anger for not technically putting anything in it.
You realize your wrongdoings, and commit yourself to more purposeful activities.
Doing so wins you the respect of everyone and you learn the meaning of life.
Your lucky numbers are: 5 8 19 20 7 6 4

I put in Scandinavia.

[Obvious Sock Account]

A can of mead comes out.

I put a bull-horned helm into the machine to complete the viking theme.

[luigifan33]

Out comes a japaneese couple.

I put in both of the Mythbusters^{(R)(C) ect.}