Love and Relationships

[Osmose]

Originally posted by Fortet
Not so much a relationship problem as much as it a... problem, I guess...

Alright, I've known a girl since the 7th grade. We're really good friends and have been since that grade.
The way we hung out, people thought we had feelings for each other and would constantly ask if we were going out or would taunt us for acting the way we did.
Well, I liked her since the end of the 7th grade. 8th grade was when the taunting and gossip started. I noticed that, among her other guy friends, she treated me differently. But I wasn't sure if it was if she liked me or not.
When we got into the 9th grade, during band camp she met a senior and they started going out. On top of that, thanks to big mouths, she found out I liked her. Her boyfriend is a nice guy, but there seems to be a huge wall of tension between us. We've even talked about the entire thing together and the wall still seems to be there.
We're about to start our sophomore year in August. Her BF will be in college and I don't know how they'll stay in much contact with each other.
Because of this, I don't know how much of a move I would be able to make. Could I take her to homecoming? Movies?
People tell me she likes me, and the way she acts around me might hint to it. We act like an old married couple (fighting, chatting, etc.) and are always hanging out.
So, what do you guys make of the situation? Should I try for it? Or should I just leave the whole thing alone and just remain friends with her?

98% of the time: You're her friend now. Prospects of becoming anything more are slim, and prospects of it being more than a temporary thing are slimmer. Acting like an old married couple or always hanging out is, despite what you may think, a sign that she likes you as a good friend, which almost always means she's not interested romantically in you. Also, don't trust people telling you that she likes you, because they're not her, and sometimes just want to cause trouble.

Holding a crush for extended periods of time never works out very well. But don't feel bad about it - the biggest rule about dating that a lot of people have trouble about is that screwing up just means you have to keep looking. If you like a girl, even if you don't know how she feels, try and make a move, or at least tell her about it. If you get rejected, don't take it personally, and just move on. You'll probably go through the cycle quite a few times before finding a winner. But not trying is going to make you feel worse in the long run.

[Weregnome]

Originally posted by Revolution911

Originally posted by Linkizcool

Originally posted by Revolution911
I wouldn't stay with her.

DON'T TAKE ANY OF THIS TO HEART.  I MAY SOUND A BIT HARSH.

Honestly, she's being a baby and it all sounds like one big cry for attention.  Like "stay with me cause if you don't IM GUNNA DIE."  Even if its not like that, you still shouldn't have to deal with her.  BUT IF YOU'RE A BIG SENSITIVE MOOSH.  Atleast let her know that you really don't have to deal with her being a baby and you shouldn't.  If you really do love her,  you gotta tell it to her straight that she needs to grow up.  Everyones life sucks, I don't think she has a right to complain.

Sounds harsh but I been in this situation before.  TAKE NO PRISONERS.

Nobody who wants to kill themself does it for attention. NOBODY.
Why not?
Its probably the dumbest way to get attention.

People who want to kill themselves do it because they have an intolerable amount of pain, and they want to get rid of it. The ability to tolerate pain changes from person to person, and also on the type of pain. Some people can tolerate pain from relationships better than pain from loss of family, for example. Others feel differently.

Most people who want to kill themselves (statistically 90%) have some kind of neurological disorder (i.e schitzophrenia, PTSD, C-PTSD,  depressions, etc.).

Telling somebody to grow up isn't going to help them when the real problem is something like PTSD. It's like slapping somebody because they complain from pain because they have a broken arm. Nor is it going to help by taunting them because they cannot tolerate pain to the degree you can.

Anyways therapy is probably the best way for her to go. Or a nice book. Or something that came keep her attention away from harming herself.

[/B]

Is she dead yet?  No.  She hasn't done it yet, but she threatens too over and over again.  If you really wanted to kill yourself, you wouldn't boast about it so everyone around you can console you.  You'd do it.  Its all self-centered bullshit.  Just because YOU have a few problems, the world is going to ****ing end right?  Its not worth living if it gets to hard, right?  No.  Grow up.  You cant be a baby and complain for your entire life.  If you have a disease or some **** like that, fine, take your free pass and move on.  

But you aren't born with depression.  You let yourself spiral down into it.  People like that need to wake the hell up and move on.  So yes, I can tell them to grow up because thats not the only hardship life is going to throw at you, and they need to get used to it.  

People are too sensitive now-a-days to sit here and give in to demands like this.  Its not going to help them in the future.  Its sending the message that if something like this happens again, everyone around them will be right there to hug and kiss them.  Thats not how it works.  The world is too busy and moves too fast for everyone to be there for you all the time.  Sometimes you have to suck it up and move through it.  I'm not saying it's easy, but its not an option.  It's something you HAVE to do.



EDIT:  In response to Fortet,  I'd say stay where you are.  If you really want to, go for it but if she actually breaks up with the other guy for you, imagine what she could do to you.  It sounds like you want to though, so go ahead.  If she really does like you, you'll make a good couple.[/B]

You know i agree with and at the same time I don't. I don't agree that you can just say to someone grow up if they are depressed and expect them to relaise and fix up. I was depressed myself. However,  I do agree that she is probably attracted to attention, as I NEVER boasted (ok, I did tell 300 people and the head of a depressive group that i tried killing myself, however, he also changed my life and fixed my problem lol). about trying to kill myself and didn't tell my girlfriend or family till months later. I think that if she keeps reminding you, then give her therapy, if it shows she has no problems, get the powder, and prepare to pimp slap.

[Linkizcool]

Exactly...i was depressed to and tried killing myself. Think of it this way:

You dont want to kill yourself, you just want to end the pain. And killing yourself is the only option you see left right? Nope. Most people at this stage go and tell others because they want help. They don't want to die and leave everybody they love behind wondering what the heck happened. If you tell others, some people will react like Rev did and tell you to grow up, but really that adds to depression, etc. Others, who actually know how to deal with this would listen to what you ahve to say and find a way out of it. Thats what the suicidal actually wants, somebody that will help them find a way out of it rather than death.

[Dragonium]

Wow, the depression/"i-used-to-be-depressed" level at Charas is stupidly high.

I used to be too (No surprise there), but I beat it by just doing stuff to take my mind off it and not thinking about it, at all. I got into some serious gaming, basically from when I got up through to when I went to back to bed, and although it sounds pretty ridiculous, after several weeks I was fine again. When you're depressed, thinking about it only makes it worse. Time is a great healer, and if you don't think about it (And thus don't allow it to get any worse), it'll clear up.

DB, you should try to get her into more activities and things. I agree with whoever said to go camping. Take her out. Do things. Have fun.

*Waits patiently for Linkizcool to tell me that fun will just cause her to implode more :p*

[Moosetroop11]

Dragonblaze, her story might have held some credibility until the stomach cutting thing. That isn't possibly depression. No way. If she didn't want trouble for you she'd kill herself privately, and certainly not just harm herself in front of you. She's using you to make herself feel important, and she's damaging your life alongside her own.

Sorry.


Also, how the hell can people still be confusing Dragonblaze and Dragonium? XDD

[Revolution911]

Originally posted by Linkizcool
Exactly...i was depressed to and tried killing myself. Think of it this way:

You dont want to kill yourself, you just want to end the pain. And killing yourself is the only option you see left right? Nope. Most people at this stage go and tell others because they want help. They don't want to die and leave everybody they love behind wondering what the heck happened. If you tell others, some people will react like Rev did and tell you to grow up, but really that adds to depression, etc. Others, who actually know how to deal with this would listen to what you ahve to say and find a way out of it. Thats what the suicidal actually wants, somebody that will help them find a way out of it rather than death.

Of course I'll listen to them and I'll help them.  But not for too long.  If you're constantly beating yourself to death with something that happened months ago, than I have no sympathy for you because you're not trying to get out of it.  Like I said, YOU let YOURSELF spiral down into depression.  A lot of stuff is hard to deal with and hurts, but that doesn't mean the world stops spinning and you cant move on.

Also, I'm not offended or anything, but I don't like how you seem to act like you're in every suicidal persons shoes.  Some of these people hate themselves.  Some of them WANT to kill themselves because it will end all the pain.  However, all of which are big babies who aren't ready for the real world.  It's a matter of coming to the realization that what you're bitching and moaning about just is NOT worth all the pain you're causing YOURSELF.  

If I am describing you here, then what you need to do is GROW UP and MOVE THE HELL ON.  Everyone is going to be sad about a breakup or a death for awhile, but if you stay there and keep it on your mind at all times, then get over it and move on.

You guys act like I'm simply going to say "grow up" and that will be that.  No.  I'll lay it ALL out and show them how ridiculous what they're doing to their self really is.  If they don't get it after a few "tell-it-to-em-straights" then I really don't need to deal with this kind of ****.

[Shady Ultima]

Well, as I have stated before, I'm bipolar, so depression doesn't bother me. I think the girl does need serious help, but I agree that the cutting herself is more of a cry for attention. If she still is like this after seeing a therapist, I think she's got some serious attention issues, and is just channeling it as depression.

[Linkizcool]

Originally posted by Revolution911

Originally posted by Linkizcool
Exactly...i was depressed to and tried killing myself. Think of it this way:

You dont want to kill yourself, you just want to end the pain. And killing yourself is the only option you see left right? Nope. Most people at this stage go and tell others because they want help. They don't want to die and leave everybody they love behind wondering what the heck happened. If you tell others, some people will react like Rev did and tell you to grow up, but really that adds to depression, etc. Others, who actually know how to deal with this would listen to what you ahve to say and find a way out of it. Thats what the suicidal actually wants, somebody that will help them find a way out of it rather than death.

Of course I'll listen to them and I'll help them.  But not for too long.  If you're constantly beating yourself to death with something that happened months ago, than I have no sympathy for you because you're not trying to get out of it.  Like I said, YOU let YOURSELF spiral down into depression.  A lot of stuff is hard to deal with and hurts, but that doesn't mean the world stops spinning and you cant move on.

Also, I'm not offended or anything, but I don't like how you seem to act like you're in every suicidal persons shoes.  Some of these people hate themselves.  Some of them WANT to kill themselves because it will end all the pain.  However, all of which are big babies who aren't ready for the real world.  It's a matter of coming to the realization that what you're bitching and moaning about just is NOT worth all the pain you're causing YOURSELF.  

If I am describing you here, then what you need to do is GROW UP and MOVE THE HELL ON.  Everyone is going to be sad about a breakup or a death for awhile, but if you stay there and keep it on your mind at all times, then get over it and move on.

You guys act like I'm simply going to say "grow up" and that will be that.  No.  I'll lay it ALL out and show them how ridiculous what they're doing to their self really is.  If they don't get it after a few "tell-it-to-em-straights" then I really don't need to deal with this kind of ****.[/B]

Okay good I thought that would be your first response...yea if they keep giving it to you after a whole lotta effort to help them, then that is the only choice left, but if really shouldnt be your first.

Originally posted by Dragonium
Wow, the depression/"i-used-to-be-depressed" level at Charas is stupidly high.

I used to be too (No surprise there), but I beat it by just doing stuff to take my mind off it and not thinking about it, at all. I got into some serious gaming, basically from when I got up through to when I went to back to bed, and although it sounds pretty ridiculous, after several weeks I was fine again. When you're depressed, thinking about it only makes it worse. Time is a great healer, and if you don't think about it (And thus don't allow it to get any worse), it'll clear up.

DB, you should try to get her into more activities and things. I agree with whoever said to go camping. Take her out. Do things. Have fun.

*Waits patiently for Linkizcool to tell me that fun will just cause her to implode more :p*

Haha nice one.

No, my only point is that if you give them no sense of caring whatsoever then that usually doenst work out...when I felt like killing myself, I played guitar to get my mind off of it, and that helped a darn lot.

[Weregnome]

Originally posted by Revolution911

Originally posted by Linkizcool
Exactly...i was depressed to and tried killing myself. Think of it this way:

You dont want to kill yourself, you just want to end the pain. And killing yourself is the only option you see left right? Nope. Most people at this stage go and tell others because they want help. They don't want to die and leave everybody they love behind wondering what the heck happened. If you tell others, some people will react like Rev did and tell you to grow up, but really that adds to depression, etc. Others, who actually know how to deal with this would listen to what you ahve to say and find a way out of it. Thats what the suicidal actually wants, somebody that will help them find a way out of it rather than death.

Of course I'll listen to them and I'll help them.  But not for too long.  If you're constantly beating yourself to death with something that happened months ago, than I have no sympathy for you because you're not trying to get out of it.  Like I said, YOU let YOURSELF spiral down into depression.  A lot of stuff is hard to deal with and hurts, but that doesn't mean the world stops spinning and you cant move on.

Also, I'm not offended or anything, but I don't like how you seem to act like you're in every suicidal persons shoes.  Some of these people hate themselves.  Some of them WANT to kill themselves because it will end all the pain.  However, all of which are big babies who aren't ready for the real world.  It's a matter of coming to the realization that what you're bitching and moaning about just is NOT worth all the pain you're causing YOURSELF.  

If I am describing you here, then what you need to do is GROW UP and MOVE THE HELL ON.  Everyone is going to be sad about a breakup or a death for awhile, but if you stay there and keep it on your mind at all times, then get over it and move on.

You guys act like I'm simply going to say "grow up" and that will be that.  No.  I'll lay it ALL out and show them how ridiculous what they're doing to their self really is.  If they don't get it after a few "tell-it-to-em-straights" then I really don't need to deal with this kind of ****.[/B]

That I agree on. I'm over my depression, WAY over. However, I mine, and like a few of my m8s who have had or are depressed (I'm talking therapy, pills and other crap like that to help it, not emo ****) have all suffered due to bottled up crap. Thats how mine started. I think its stupid if someone has depression due to an incendant (unless its life chanign liek the loss of someone, bankruptcy etc) can make a person depressed for that long. I could understand if an individual loss their father or something, but eventually, as Rev put it, they need to build a bridge and get over it, or they eventually wither and die.

On a side note, I really did miss intellegent Charas conversations.  

[DragonBlaze]

Originally posted by Moosetroop11
Dragonblaze, her story might have held some credibility until the stomach cutting thing. That isn't possibly depression. No way. If she didn't want trouble for you she'd kill herself privately, and certainly not just harm herself in front of you. She's using you to make herself feel important, and she's damaging your life alongside her own.

Sorry.


Also, how the hell can people still be confusing Dragonblaze and Dragonium? XDD

Well about the cutting thing. We were having a fight about something or other, about her being a bad person and whatnot. She was in the bathroom at the time doing her hair (her shirt was off, but she had a bra on). And anyway, i was sick of her complaining about her life, so i walked into the other room. She closed the door and locked it. A few minutes later i came back and asked if i could come it, and well i finally convinced her to let me in, so then we were talking about something else, i think what we were gonna do that day. Thats when I noticed some scratch marks on her stomach, I asked what they were (I already knew though) and pointed, she jumped back and said she didn't know, I asked her how she got it, and she didn't know. Then i siad it looked a lot like when she scrached herself on the wrists one day, and thats when she pulled the scissors out of the drawer and slashed it across her stomach. So its not like she waited till i was there to do it, she did it secretly at first when i was in the other room and did it again when I kept asking about it.

Oh, and I am NOT dragonium. I love dragons, and he loves dragon slayers, BIG differance there.

Edit: Ok, my gf is pissed at me now? Why you ask? Well ok, today, we were at our friends house. I don't know why, but my gf opened her car trunk, and our friends as a joke, told us to get in there, I did, but she didn't. Then they asked me if it was alright with me if they drove to a near by gas station with me in the trunk, I said ok, THEN my gf told me she didn't want to, and then I said I wouldn't and got out of the trunk. So now shes pissed at me for that, I don't really understand why though.

I love this girl to death, but if she's always gonna pull this ****, we're not gonna work out. I'm gonna keep on trying for a while though.

[Cosmos]

Originally posted by Dragonium
For God's sake. I am clearly NOT DragonBlaze. Move along.

LOL XD

Originally posted by Revolution911
But you aren't born with depression.  

They say it's genetic..

Originally posted by Moosetroop11
 Dragonblaze, her story might have held some credibility until the stomach cutting thing. That isn't possibly depression. No way. If she didn't want trouble for you she'd kill herself privately, and certainly not just harm herself in front of you. She's using you to make herself feel important, and she's damaging your life alongside her own.

Sorry.


Also, how the hell can people still be confusing Dragonblaze and Dragonium? XDD

I agree.. she's wanting the attention she's not getting from her family.. and she's using db to get it. But she's overdoing it.. and honestly, I know cutters.. personally.. they do it in private... and hide it. She's basically showing you all the time, she wants some attention. Whether it be a cry for help or whether she just wants to be the center of attention.. I don't know.. But maybe you should consider taking a break.. to see where things go...


    So here is my (long) issue... Okay back in october I was with my friends and we ran into an old friend who we use to go to school with. So he was checking me out (I had a batgirl suit on, lol) and I was checkin him out (I've had the mean crush on him for like 5 yrs) and whatever. So the next time I saw him, I found out he had a gf.. who he was going to leave because he wasn't really into her.. so I was fine with it, even tho she was a sort've friend of mines. Anyways, after a few weeks of talking he left her and started dating me..

    But my parent wasn't feeling him.. here are the reasons, she's old fashioned.. he asked if her if me and him could go on a date... she said yes.. and on that date, I had to ask if we could change the date because she wanted me to paint.. even though I didn't do much of any painting. He was fine with that.. The other reason.. he's a male.. lol And he started actually dating me without asking for her premission (she tried to force me to break up with him).. and the MAIN reason... is cause he's black... (She'd call him names like ****** monkey and black bastard ect...) which really hurt my feelings the most.. because instead of "liking" this dude.. I actually love him.. So I defended him and argued over him.. and she found out that I pretty much had stopped going to school. She blamed him, but I stopped going before I started talking to him.

     So.. she called him and started cursing him out.. (other stuff happened like I left the house to go to a job interview she didn't want me to go to and I also went to my old school to speak to my friends and so forth... only reason I went home was because of him.. but I almost walked out again..) and telling him she doesn't want him with me... and he hung up on her.. then she called my friends and started cursing them out.. and the next day (this was around christmas) he kept calling the house hoping I'd pick up.. but I'm not allowed to touch anything so he kept hanging up. Then she started saying crazy **** like, you're a fuckin stalker and what not.. and she kept on and on until he said I wanna speak to tiffany.. then she was like no, **** you you fuckin ****** monkey.. and he lost it.. (I don't blame him..) he said I wanna speak to her now or I'm gonna call the ****ing cops on you and hung up.

    I begged and pleaded with her to let me text him and tell him to stop. He did. And she's filling my head of all these stories of how men ain't **** and how he's just like my father (cause they are both cancer's like me) and she's demanding I leave him. And I said no.. so it's been about a month since I've seen any of my friends or spoken to him. I begged her to let me go to this group thing. she did.. but it wasn't there and I called him, he picked me up and we spoke..  So when I started going to school again I'd made all my classes in the afternoon so I could see him and try to maintain the relationship. And it worked.. for a while, and then he tried to break up with me.. he said that we couldn't keep sneaking around that he was too old for this and that he just couldn't deal with my parent.. he cried.. which was weird since he rarely shows anything but laughter and anger.. so I begged him to let me try and fix it.. and he said ok.. but after that he changed... and about a month later (after constant arguing and so on) he left me.

    Honestly I didn't know what to do.. I cried constantly, sometimes woke up crying.. and my parent found out.. (cause my friend told my brother what happened and to keep an eye on me) and she's fuckin smiling and **** like it's all good.. tellin me there are other guys and what not... so I took one of my friend's advice and called him.. and I asked if we could talk cause I didn't know what to do now... and he asked if it could wait til he came back (Cause he was going to see his brothers who he hasn't seen for 8 yrs and whatever) and I said fine... so when he came back I tried speaking to him but I couldn't... I was staring out the window forever.. and when I did speak he told me I broke the rules.. since he never speaks to an ex until 4 months or so and asked why I wasn't talking **** behind his back or why I didn't hate him or why I wasn't angry with him.. and I basically told him that it was because I loved him, and I knew that he was hurting me because I got to close to him.. and his insecurities too over and that I couldn't be angry with him for fearing commitment.. I knew about his past (which is one of the things that attracted me to him) and how could I hate him for that?

    So we talked, and I guess we're friends.. I dunno.. I saw him again, and then he ended up living with his aunt.. so the next time I saw him was at his wrestling thing.. and I tried talking to him but I couldn't.. I had argued with my parent over coming here... she made me late.. and I told him some of it.. and he looked mad but what could he do? So there was a lot of hugging a lot of looking on both sides... When ever I got bored he'd follow me around and ask if I was okay and so forth.. he spoke to my cousin on the side and pretty much told her that he still loved me and that he wanted to try again.. but not right now.. and as far as I know he's not dating anyone.. I'm not suppose to know that last bit.. >;3 So he told me he'd take me to the movies.. whenever that is..

      So when I got home parent took away my laptop (which my brother lets me sneak on) and pretty much has me isolated again.. and then she found out I dropped out of school again. So now she's pissed.. so she tells my cousin how she hates me and how she wants to kick me out and blah fuckin blah.. I'm trying to find a new place to stay at... or hope my other plan works.. She doesn't want me to go the school I want to go too, cause it doesn't have the "college look" she wants. So I can't file for fafsa which means I wont be going to school til I'm like 24 or married..

    And she's threatened to kill me and go after my friends including him.. and speaking of my friends.. for some reason now they keep telling me not to mess with him.. And I'm wondering why.. but it's because they know his past.. they don't think he can change.. and it's like I believe he can, he has changed somewhat..  And my feelings have been pretty much on point lately... so I honestly don't know if I should keep pursuing him.. or if I should let everyone else win and just give up. I love'em to death.. and I wish that everyone else would understant it..

Sorry if I bored anyone.. And this is why I haven't been on charas as much..

[Shady Ultima]

The patient are rewarded...

I'm was in a similar relationship, but I ended it because I could never see the girl as well. I still really care about her, and maybe one day would try again, but in the end, perhaps you just need to move on.

I really feel like a dick saying that, but sometimes, it's for the best...

[Tomi]

God, why can't people have easier relationship problems, preferably those not involving death threats?

Mid, I would have to say its hard to have a relationship if you can't actually get to the personal interaction part easily and often.  Its hard, but like Shady said, maybe later.

[Revolution911]

You are not born with depression. -_-

[Dragonium]

You've never seen a suicidal baby?