Charas Pub

[Archem]

Back at the boiling vat of whatsit...
Archem: Hey, buddy!
Mimo: I'm starting to consider suicide...
Archem: Huh? You should really stop mumbling so much. Anywho, I was gonna ask where everyone went?
Mimo: They went to Death Valley, blew up Meiscool, and MacGyver lost his touch.
Archem: ... Wait, who's MacGyver?
Mimo: Don't you watch tv?
Archem: Of course I do! I just don't watch old people tv!
Mimo: Angry stare.
Archem: Why'd you say that? Also, I think this says an awful lot about your personality.
Back at Death Valley...
Tomi: It's pretty hot here...
Razor: You think the heat's bad? The desert here has an American accent that's driving me crazy!
Bluhman: I really should consider a new wardrobe for this desert-like area. Black really isn't helping with the crippling dehydration thing.
MIC Emerges from the wreckage and walks up to the group.
MIC: Hey guys.
Tomi: Hey, you.
Warxe: Yello.
Razor: Who invited you?!
Archem: ROFL!
Razor: Hey! When'd you get here?!
Archem: Uh... About that... See, I'm... Dead.
MIC: Gasp. Really? I never would have guessed.
Archem: Yeah, I know. Mimo killed me, and, well, I ended up here. I guess it's worse here than in hell...
MIC: Well, it is now...
Arche: What was that?
MIC: I said "Look, it's an explosives warehouse!" Go investigate! Here, take my flamethrower!
Archem: Gee! Thanks! I'm gonna get some sparklers!
Tomi: ...Did he just...
MIC: Yep...
Razor: You do know what'll happen, don't you?
MIC: Yes. Which is why we start running now.

[Tomi]

Tomi: *Puts Iron Maiden CD in boombox*
Boombox: *note* Run to the Hills!  Run for your life! *note*
Tomi: I always love a good running scene...

[WarxePB]

*the pubbers run in slow motion as the fireworks factory explodes behind them*
Warxe: *trips* NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooo....
Zero: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARXEEEEE!
Razor: He's gone now. Keep running!
Bluhman: You know, we're already dead. It wouldn't really matter if we got hit.
Razor: Good point.
*time becomes normal again, and the explosion passes over them.*
Archem: Good job!
Razor: But what happened to Warxe?

*meanwhile*

Warxe: *stuck in a frozen lake*
Satan: Welcome to Cocytus! During your stay, you'll enjoy ETERNAL SUFFERING!!!
Warxe: Dang, not again...

[Meiscool-2]

MIC: Hey guys, I don't think MacGyver was dead.
Archem: What do you mean?
MIC: Well, he's ov-
MacGyver: OH HELL IT BURNS!

[Moosetroop11]

MacGyver: Gather round.... As my last act, I will take this desert sand, a hairpin, Mimo, and this desert flower... and...

*MT11 appears in a woman's dress*

Bluhman: Wow, that was really something Macgyver! How'd you make the woman's clothes?
MT11: And more importantly, can you teleport me back to my mum's room before she finds out her clothes are missing?

[Meiscool-2]

*Back at the pub*

Bluhman: MacGyver teleported us huh?
Razor: Yep.
MIC: Hey guys, I just bought a Parrot for the pub!
Archem: Cool.
Grandy: Yeah! Can it talk?
MIC: Yeah, it already knows a few sentences.
Parrot: *Squak!* Drace is an idiot!
Drace: *Comes out of bathroom* Did I just hear my name being said by a bird? My " 'Drace was said by a bird' radar" went off.
Razor: Nope.
Drace: Oh. *Goes back in bathroom*
Warxe: Niffty.
Parrot: *Squak!* Who the **** says niffty anymore?
Warxe: Why you little... *hits the bird*
Parrot: *Squak!* Polly wants power of attorney!
Grandy: I say we get rid of the bird.
MIC: I'm begining to agree.
Archem: Me too.
MacGyver: Hey, a Parrot! Using that Parrot, this sword, and that telephone, I can make a wonderful invention!
MT11: It's amazing!
Razor: Think off all the things we can use this for!
Warxe: Damn, I wish I thought of that.
MacGyver: Yes. I call it, "The Pelesword".
Grandy: Brilliant!
Bluhman: Astonding.
MIC: YOU KILLED PARROT FOR THIS PIECE OF ****!?

[Archem]

Archem: Wow. I've alway wanted a... What was it? Pelesword? Yeah, I've always wanted a pelesword... Kinda.
MacGyver: In case you were wondering, I've thought up a scheme to create the most convolutedly genious thhing ever! All I need are 2 rubber band, two metal springs, gun without bullets, three paper clips, some bullets, Mimo again, a gold medallion, and a piece of string.
Mimo: **** that, I'm not letting you touch me like that again!
MacGyver: No, not like that, this time it's in the name of science!
MIC: Ok, what kind of "science" are we talkin' about here?
Archem: Yeah, what the hell are you gonna make with all that worthless crap and a gun?
MacGyver: Simple - I'm creating a suicide machine, some springy shoes (for me), a chain made out of paper clips (for the tester of the suicide machine), and a gold medallion necklace (also for me)!
Mimo: ...Yeah, **** that.
Archem: *blink blink* That... is... the most AWESOMEST THING I'VE EVER HEARD!! I wanna try it first!
MacGyver: Well, it could have some side effects...
Archem: Like a malignant tumor?
MacGyver: ...No, but-
Archem: Then sign me up!
Back at Death Valley...
Mimo: I'm so glad I got out of that fecal-pool.
A shot was heard around the world!
Archem: ROFL! That hurt a lot!
Mimo: OH GOD DAMMIT!!!
Archem: Yeah, I've got this nasty blood stain on my forehead now, but at least I got this pimpin' paper clip chai-
Back at the pub...
Razor: ...I didn't think he'd go through with it... Hey, free paper clip chain!
Back in Death Valley...
Archem: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :cry:

[Tomi]

Tomi: *is confuzzled* Where are we now anyway?  Death Valley? The pub?  The bathroom with Drace?  
Razor:  All three.  At once.
Meiscoolerthanyourmom: Best.Post.Ever.

[Emerates]

*Emerates enters scene*

Hello everone!   Have you met my imaginary wife, Jane, yet?
*Motions to left*
*Takes seat next to Meiscool*
E: So......  I'm the Newbie, huh?
E: Barkeep, I'll have a tall glass of 2% Milk, Meijer Brand.
*Chugs milk, eats cookie, goes to restroom, pisses gallon of water, returns to bar*
E: Jane?!  Where's Jane?!?!??!?  Damn....  i forgot about her again...
*Leaves, returns with guitar*
E: Who wants to hear some music?
Pubsters: *Silence*
E: Okay............................................................ ... . . . . . .
Jane: No, don't play!  You stink, remember?
E: Oh, yeah....  *puts away guitar, runs to hide shame*
*jane dissapears*
E: Damn, not again...
Dave Chappel: I'm Rick James *****!

[Razor]

Razor: I have a feeling someone is alone in the pub with his wife. AND MY CASH REGISTER!!
Drace: Don't worry, I stole all your money, see? *holds out crusty $5 note and a packet of tic tacs*
Razor: My tic tacs!! *mauls Drace*

Archem: So, Death Valley eh? I never noticed how beautiful it was if you take out the death and the explosions.
Bluhman: Hey wait, MacGuyver teleported us back to the pub, didn't he?
Mimo: I can explain that. You see, a freak ionic storm on the molecular level altered the space time continuum which caused the positrons to align making stuff happen.
Bluhman: That didn't explain a thing!
Mimo: Didn't it?  
Bluhman: No.
Drace: MY FACE IS IN PAIN!

[WarxePB]

*Warxe comes in with a block of ice around his head*

Warxe: Aw man, we're here again? Why can't we just stay in one place?
MacGyver: Actually, give me a grain of sugar, some string, and a pound of dark matter, and I can create a SPACETIME RIFT OF UBER DESTRUCTION-NESS!!!!!! generator.
Mimo: Wow, is there anything you can't do?
MacGyver: I can't sleep. Ever.
*canned laughter*

[Bluhman]

McG: So, anybody have those things?
Razor: Nope.
MT11: Nothing.
Warxe: No.
Archem: No way!
Mimo: Me neither!
Tomi: Nothing here.
Emerates: Jane.
Bluhman: Well, I have some dark matter in my pant pocket...
McG: Really, now? Can I see it?
Bluhman: Welll... Ok!
*Bluhman reaches into his pocket, where he proceeds to seemingly implode into his pocket. In his place is a black hole.*
McG: Excellent! Now to find some sugar and a string.
MT11: Help! The black matter is eating me!!!
Archem: MT11? Being eaten? How Ironic.
Razor: Shut up and help me get him out of there!

*Meanwhile, back at the pub*

Bluhman: Ow... Woah. I'm back at the pub? This sucks... There's nobody here! Nobody here... Oh well, I'll practice my ukelele.
Jane: No! You suck!
Bluhman: Ma'm, I rock beyond all comprehension with a ukelele, so stand aside.
Jane: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooo..............!!!! *Dies.*

[Meiscool-2]

MIC: You teleported back too huh?
Bluhman: Indeed.
MIC: Great, now I have a friend!
Bluhman: Hold on, I never said I was your friend.
MIC: Really? But I always thoug-
Bluhman: No, you see, that's what gets you in trouble, all those thoughs.
MI-
Bluhman: No.

[Archem]

Back in Death Valley...
Archem: Hah-
Back at the pub... Wait, is that where they are?
Bluhman: NO!

[Moosetroop11]

MT11: [SELECT: PLAY IT COOL/WIMP OUT]

[PLAY IT COOL SELECTED] Be strong guys. I'll seeya on the other side.
Drace: NOOOOOOOO!
MT11: *eaten by dark matter*

***

MT11: *Appears in pub, eats Emerates*