Share you best jokes here.

[Tomi]

I wasn't suggesting posting in it, just adding those jokes here.

[Emerates]

So a guy walks into a bar, sits down, and orders a drink.
Bartender: *gives drink*  Hey, listen, you wanna win a thousand bucks?
Guy: Sure.  What do I gotta do?
Bartender: First, you gotta get real drunk.  Then, you gotta go outside and pull that bulldog's tooth.  It hasn't eaten in awhile, and its tooth is givin' him a real hard time.
Then, you have to go upstairs.  There's an old lady who's dying up there, and she hasn't gotten busy in almost 10 years.  So what you gott do then is give her an orgasm.  Alright?
Guy: I'll do it.

So the guy drinks the beers, gets himself drunk, and goes outside for the first challenge.

......

The bartender hears a lot of scraping and whining.

........

Then the guy comes back in, bruised and cut to hell.
Guy: So where's that woman who needs her tooth pulled?

[Tomi]

Two peanuts were walking down the street, and one was assulted.

[Archem]

Originally posted by Tomi
Two peanuts were walking down the street, and one was assulted.

lol

[Cerebus]

Not the best joke, but I don't know a lot... I heard it in french, though, I'll try to translate it the best I can...

A group of men who died not a long time ago had to pass a test before going to heaven. All of them had to attach a bell around their penis, and a naked woman was going to pass in front of them. If the bell doesn't ring, the man can go to heaven. So the woman pass in front of them... so far, no bell as rang... but when she passed in front of the last one, the bell rang so hard that it fell off... so the guy, a bit constrained (?), leans to take the bell... all the other bells rang at the same time.

[Meiscool-2]

Water is wet.

[Apex]

I know a wonderful joke, but it is somewhat racist..

[Archem]

Originally posted by Apex
I know a wonderful joke, but it is somewhat racist..

I think it'll be ok, just put a big ol' "WARNING! RACISM" thingy above it, and things should be fine. Disclaimers are a get out of trouble card.

A snake slithers into a bar and orders a Manhattan. The bartender says "Sorry, buddy. I'm not allowed to serve anybody who can't hold their liquor.

A man and a dog walk into a bar. The bartender can clearly see that the man is drunk. "Sorry, pal! I can't serve anybody who can't hold his liquor, and you look like you've had about enough!" says the bartender. "Oh, well, what if I told you this here dog can talk?" said the man. "Would you let me drink then?" "Buddy," says the bartender, "if that dog can talk, I'll let you drink all you want, on me!" So the man begins to ask the dog questions... "What's the outside of a tree made out of?" "Bark!" "What do you call the top part of a house?" "Roof!" "Who was the greatest baseball player of all time?" "Ruth!" Ok, I've had about enough of your nonsense, mister!" says the bartender. "Get out of my bar before I call the cops!" So the man and the dog are walking home. "I don't understand it!" says the man. "Well, if you'd asked me some more intelligent questions, things would have been alright!" said the dog.

A man walks into a bar with a frog. "Alright, what is this?" asks the bartender. "This here frog can talk!" exclaims the man. The bartender replies "Ha! If you can show me that this frog can talk, I'll give you a round of drinks, on me!" "Well, in that case, I'll have your finest vodka!" says the man. "Not until I see that frog pipe up!" says the bartender. "Oh, he just did!" replies the man. "I'm a mute, and this here frog's a ventriloquist!"
 

[FFL2and3rocks]

George W. Bush is on a boat in a lake, viewing the scenery. But suddenly, he falls overboard! Bush yelled "Help! I can't swim!" Three teenage boys dive in and rescue him.
Bush says "Thank you boys! You've saved my life. I must give you something in return for saving me, just name it and I'll get it to you."
The first boy says "I want a wide-screen TV!"
"No problem," Bush replies. "How about you?"
"I want a car," the second boy says.
"Sure thing," Bush replies. "And what would you like?"
The third boy says "A wheelchair."
"A wheelchair? Why do you need a wheelchair? You aren't crippled."
"I will be when my dad finds out I just saved your life.

[Revolution911]

Originally posted by Razor

quote:

Originally posted by Revolution911 So a guy walks into a bar, BAM. Cancer.

Funniest one in the thread.

Really, I wouldnt know. I refuse to read a post of over 3 lines.


To Apex : You god damned girly man. With fears of "offending people" and what not.

[Apex]

WARNING, OFFENSIVE!!!

What did the little black boy get for Christmas?

Your bike.

[dinkler]

Five presidents are on a plane: George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, Thomas Jefferson, George W. Bush, and Bill Clinton. George Washington says, "I will make someone happy!" and throws a dollar bill off the plane.
Then Abraham Lincoln says, "I will make five people happy!" and throws 5 one dollar bills off the plane.

Then Thomas Jefferson says, "I will make 500 people happy!" and throws 500 one dollar bills off the plane.

Then George W. Bush says, "I will make the whole world happy!" and throws Bill Clinton off the plane.

[Archem]

Originally posted by dinkler
Five presidents are on a plane: George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, Thomas Jefferson, George W. Bush, and Bill Clinton. George Washington says, "I will make someone happy!" and throws a dollar bill off the plane.
Then Abraham Lincoln says, "I will make five people happy!" and throws 5 one dollar bills off the plane.

Then Thomas Jefferson says, "I will make 500 people happy!" and throws 500 one dollar bills off the plane.

Then George W. Bush says, "I will make the whole world happy!" and throws Bill Clinton off the plane.

"And he drops it at the one yard line! What poor luck this guy has!"

I would have laughed my *** off if you said, George W. jumped out.
'Cuz Clinton was cool...

[Drace]

Clinton >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> both Bushes together.

Why? Affaires can make a guy pretty awesome.

[MrMister]

Originally posted by Apex
WARNING, OFFENSIVE!!!

What did the little black boy get for Christmas?

Your bike.

I'm pretty sure I saw that on TV like 2 nights ago.
I'm disappointed in you, Apex.
GOOD DAY TO YOU.
Anyways, Drace. Cheating on someone you are only with to help your image is okay, but that's a pretty stupid statement.

PS SHIT!
PPS By 'stupid' I mean awesome.