Share you best jokes here.

[Emerates]

Q: If we call our good plates China, what do the Chinese call their good plates?

A: Tupperware.

[X_marks_the_ed]

Best joke ever:

Global Warming.

[Tomi]

WARNING: MAY BE OFFENSIVE TO SOME (but is still funny to others)

A Chinese man, a Mexican man, and an American man were on a plane.  The plane was too heavy for the winds, so the pilot asked the passengers to lighten the payload by throwing out things they don't need.  The Chinese man takes his giant crate of chop sticks and throws them out, saying, "We have way to many of these in our country anyways."  The Mexican does the same with a giant box of tacos, and says,  "We have way to many of these in our country anyways."  Then the American grabs the Mexican and throws him out, saying,  "We have way to many of these in our country anyways."

[PyroAlchemist]

Originally posted by Tomi
WARNING: MAY BE OFFENSIVE TO SOME (but is still funny to others)

A Chinese man, a Mexican man, and an American man were on a plane.  The plane was too heavy for the winds, so the pilot asked the passengers to lighten the payload by throwing out things they don't need.  The Chinese man takes his giant crate of chop sticks and throws them out, saying, "We have way to many of these in our country anyways."  The Mexican does the same with a giant box of tacos, and says,  "We have way to many of these in our country anyways."  Then the American grabs the Mexican and throws him out, saying,  "We have way to many of these in our country anyways."

HAHAHA! I heard this one before. No offense of course. But I always laugh at that one. Same with the clinton out the plane one.

[Meiscool-2]

Originally posted by Tomi
WARNING: MAY BE OFFENSIVE TO SOME (but is still funny to others)

A Chinese man, a Mexican man, and an American man were on a plane.  The plane was too heavy for the winds, so the pilot asked the passengers to lighten the payload by throwing out things they don't need.  The Chinese man takes his giant crate of chop sticks and throws them out, saying, "We have way to many of these in our country anyways."  The Mexican does the same with a giant box of tacos, and says,  "We have way to many of these in our country anyways."  Then the American grabs the Mexican and throws him out, saying,  "We have way to many of these in our country anyways."

Yeah, pretty old. However, the first time I heard it, I laughed, hence, you would've made me laugh.

[Archem]

Originally posted by Tomi
WARNING: MAY BE OFFENSIVE TO SOME (but is still funny to others)

A Chinese man, a Mexican man, and an American man were on a plane.  The plane was too heavy for the winds, so the pilot asked the passengers to lighten the payload by throwing out things they don't need.  The Chinese man takes his giant crate of chop sticks and throws them out, saying, "We have way to many of these in our country anyways."  The Mexican does the same with a giant box of tacos, and says,  "We have way to many of these in our country anyways."  Then the American grabs the Mexican and throws him out, saying,  "We have way to many of these in our country anyways."

Lol. I don't take offence*, so it's good!


*Mexican, since most of you don't know/remember.

[Grandy]

Afraid to be left behind in the American history, G.W.Bush decides not having any son (after all, he was so good no one would ever remember his father, and he wouldn't take any chances.) So he goes to this doctor and asks to be sterelized. The doctor said it wouldn't be possible to make a cirurgy because there were already too many people in the hospitals, but gave this instructions:
 1 - Buy a small bomb.
 2 - Get a empit soda can.
 3 - Light the bomb, and put it inside the can.
 4 - Count up to ten.
 Bush told what he was told. He bought the bomb, got the soda can, lighted the bomb and started counting.
 1...
 2...
 3...
 4...
 5...
 Then he held the can in beetwen his legs and started counting with the other hand fingers.




----------------

 They both just got married. One night, the man decides to talk to his wife.
 "Honey, I'll tell you one thing. Every Friday and Wednesday I go out at night to drink with my pals, women can't go, and married or not, I'll still do it! Second: every Tuesday and Monday I go to the night club with some college friends, and with or without marriage I'll still go! And lastly, every Thursday at 10:00pm I go bowling with some friends, and married or not, I will still go!"
 The woman said nothing, and there was this akward silence. After a while he asked:
 "And you, won't you say anything?"
 "Well, honey, I'll only say one thing."
 "Only one? Say it."
 "Every night I have sex, and with husband or without husband I'll still do it."


----------------
 The judge asks the suspect "Aren't you ashamed to be here for the 10th time?!" and the suspect answers "And you, who comes here everyday?!"

----------------
 The maid comes to talk to her boss.
 "I quit! You don't trust me!"
 "What do you mean?! Of course I trust you, I even let the keys to my safe over the table!"
 "Yes" she says "But none of them works!"

[Midnight9795]

Originally posted by Tomi

quote:

Originally posted by Big_Duke quote: Originally posted by MrMister Funny joke = this thread Funniest Joke eva = MrMister

LOLOLOLOLno.

Agreed! Lol!

Originally posted by Tomi
WARNING: MAY BE OFFENSIVE TO SOME (but is still funny to others)

A Chinese man, a Mexican man, and an American man were on a plane.  The plane was too heavy for the winds, so the pilot asked the passengers to lighten the payload by throwing out things they don't need.  The Chinese man takes his giant crate of chop sticks and throws them out, saying, "We have way to many of these in our country anyways."  The Mexican does the same with a giant box of tacos, and says,  "We have way to many of these in our country anyways."  Then the American grabs the Mexican and throws him out, saying,  "We have way to many of these in our country anyways."

OMG YOU THREW KIJUKI OUT, HOW COULD YOU!!  :cry: Ok, I'm over it. :p

Alright, warning blah blah blah (My gym teacher told me this)

Alright, so Michael Jackson's on a boat that's about to sink, and the captain is telling everyone to get to the life boats. So, Mj goes "What about the kids?!" And the captain goes, "**** the kids" and then Mj's like, "Do you think we have time to do that?"

And here's another one, on a camping trip a snake bites the husband on his dick and he's screaming for help. So his wife calls 911, and the doctor tells her the only way to help him is to suck the poison out. So when she hangs up, the husband asks her what did the doctor say. Her reply was, "You're going to die."

xD

[FFL2and3rocks]

Why does Michael Jackson like WalMart?

Because boys' pants are half off.

[drenrin2120]

Originally posted by Tomi
WARNING: MAY BE OFFENSIVE TO SOME (but is still funny to others)

A Chinese man, a Mexican man, and an American man were on a plane.  The plane was too heavy for the winds, so the pilot asked the passengers to lighten the payload by throwing out things they don't need.  The Chinese man takes his giant crate of chop sticks and throws them out, saying, "We have way to many of these in our country anyways."  The Mexican does the same with a giant box of tacos, and says,  "We have way to many of these in our country anyways."  Then the American grabs the Mexican and throws him out, saying,  "We have way to many of these in our country anyways."

XDDD. I never heard that one before.

I'd type a good one i know up, but it's maaaaaaaaaaad long.

[Archem]

So?

[MrMister]

We're being racist now? AWESOME

What do you call a piece of sandpaper in Afghanistan?
A map.

Why did the Romans make straight roads?
So Asians couldn't build corner shops.

What is a misfortune?
A bus full of Jews driving off a cliff into the sea.
What is a disaster?
If they can swim.

What is a Jew's biggest dilemma?
Pork on sale.

How was copper wire invented?
Two Jews fighting over the same penny.

Why did the Jews walk around the desert for 40 years?
They heard that someone dropped a quarter.

[Tomi]

Originally posted by FFL2and3rocks
Why does Michael Jackson like WalMart?

Because boys' pants are half off.

Hah, you posted in the last joke thread too.

[Emerates]

Why do we drive in parkways and park in driveways?

[Bluhman]

A fish crashed into a brick wall and he yelled "DAMN!".