Help Charas :(

[DragonBlaze]

I'm sorry for brining my personal problems here, but I don't have anywhere else to go right now. Its about one of my friends, I can't talk to any of my other real friends about this, because some things need to be kept secret. But anyway, its my girlfriend, I just had to talk her out of committing suicide tonight. She IMed me on the internet, and asked how many pills it took to kill someone, and then she signed off right away. I called her house phone (not her cell phone), and asked her dad to put her on. Her dad went up and got her and put her on, by that time she only had a handful of pills, so it wasn't anything too bad. But otherwise she was going to take the whole bottle and drink some bleach. Luckily after an hour, I talked her out of it.

The problem is she doesn't think she deserves anything, shes kinda goes in and out of her swings, but most of the time shes pretty good, but this last week has been getting really bad. After I talked her out of killing herself, she said she was going to walk to school tomarrow in the blizzard (and she lives far away) because she doesn't deserve to ride the bus or for me to pick her up. Shes giving up her cell phone, computer, tv, and pretty much everything. Her parents are devorced, and shes living with her dad right now. Her dad is living with this girl who has a daughter around my girlfriends age. Both my girlfriends dad and the girl hes living with put my girlfriend down. Its mainly because of her dad, since he's only been living with that girl for about a year, he doesn't yell at her daughter much because he's trying to make a good impression and everything. Kinda like how friends parents are nice around you, but then when you leave they yell at their child. Anyway, he's always putting her down, telling her that she does everything wrong, telling her that shes screwing up our relationship (her dad likes me) and yelling at her for all this stuff. He probably yells at her for an hour every night. And now its really getting to her.

I'm trying really hard to help her. I called her dad before, he told me that it'll be fine, but then my girlfriend got yelled at some more because her dad though she told me to call him and talk to him. Pretty much everything I do to try and help leads her to getting hurt some more. What I'm trying to do really hard right now is just let her know that I'm there for her and I love her and it'll be ok. She want to believe me, but can't, because she believes she's jynxed because every guy whos said that to her has hurt her. And the last guy who said that went out with her for 14 months, they got engaged, picked out where the wedding would be, decided everything, but then he dumped her for a stripper. After she got dumped there, she tried committing suicide, she took a whole bottle of pills, she wanted to take some bleach, but didn't have any, she got really sick, but luckily she was ok. Anyway, I'm trying really hard to let her know that she's special, she's not a bad person, that i love her, and that she deserves all this stuff that she doesn't say she deserves. But then a lot of times she just comes back at me with something like 'well I guess I'm wrong about this too, just like everything else'.

I'm going to try talking to this one lady and ask her to help her or talk to her. Shes a friends mom, and she helped her out when she got dumped last time. My hope is that if I can get more people that she's close with to talk with her and let her know that she really is special and isn't a bad person, she'll get better. But I really don't know.

I'm lal out of ideas, and I don't know what to do

[Meiscool-2]

Question: Is this the same girlfriend you said a half a year ago was just a status symbol to say that you have a girlfriend?

Yes, it has relavence.

[DragonBlaze]

We've been going out for 5 months. And no, its not the same girl. I actually love this girl.

[Kinslayer]

Self steem... that's some issue. I don't know how to really REALLY get to her, but talking is the best you can do.

Talk to her, show her that she matters, because of the significance that her loss would have to you, for example. You show that you love her a lot by asking for help like this, and you have to show her exactly this: that you're worried, that you're there, and that she is important at least to you.

That's something that will probably get to her.

[Archem]

Give her special treatment for a long time. Always ALWAYS say something good about her. Treat her to a good time. Keep her away from harmful people/subjects/things. And always make her feel like she's in charge. I was once suicidal, so I know that these kind of things help to delude the harmful surrounding world, and to put her into a sort of dream world long enough to let her try to recover.

Of course, I've never really recovered...

[ZeroKirbyX]

OR talk to people that actually know her. Yeah, you might not wanna tell your other friends, but you need to pure and simple. She'll listen to people she cares about and people who care about her a lot more seriously than a bunch of assholes on the internet.

[DragonBlaze]

I do worry a lot about her, but every time I say that I'm scared or something, it just makes her feel worse because she scared me or she hurt me. Like when I started talking to her on the phone, I was pretty much half way crying because she just told me that she was killing herself then signed off and wouldn't pick up her cell phone, that kind of just made her feel worse because she made me worry. Shes afraid of telling me things a lot of times because shes afraid that she'll hurt me.

My plan is to show her that I really care, and that everyone else really cares too. Shes probably going to get pissed at me for this, but I'm gonna say some stuff to our friends (but being very vauge about it), and hopefully they'll show a lot more support for her, and she'll realize that a lot of people do care about her.

Edit: and right now, the most harmful place/person/setting is at home. When I'm with her at my house or somewhere else, she's usually fine. And I can't really keep her away from that.

[Darkfox]

Why do people like to attempt suicide? Don't they ever consider how much harm that would cause? Do they want to cause harm? I will never understand this but she should realise that would be hurting you and all her friends and would leave emotional scars far more than what she could ever do in her whole life.

Anyways, everybody loses, nobody wins.

[DragonBlaze]

Originally posted by Darkfox
Why do people like to attempt suicide? Don't they ever consider how much harm that would cause? Do they want to cause harm? I will never understand this but she should realise that would be hurting you and all her friends and would leave emotional scars far more than what she could ever do in her whole life.

Anyways, everybody loses, nobody wins.

Yeah, she said she wont do anything because I told her not to. I basically told her that it'd kill me if she would do anything. Luckily, she really loves me, even if she can't believe that I love her just as much back. Anyway, she doesn't think that anyone besides me cares about her, and a lot of times she doubts I really care about her. Or she says I'm just gonna get sick of her and get hurt. It doesn't really help that her mom basically told her that she isn't her daughter anymore. She doesn't really believe that any of her friends really care about her, she doesn't belive that her dad cares about her because he's always yelling at her.

But yeah, she said she wouldn't kill herself because I told her not to. She sounded kinda pissed though and told me that shes going to go through hell for it. Shes kinda catholic and I told her that if she did kill herself, she would really be in hell, but she said she would be there anyway, so it didn't matter. But no, I'm not really concered too much that shes gonna kill herself anymore, but still, she really needs help, and I'm trying, but I dont' know exactly what to do. Like I said, I'm gonna talk to our friends and that one mom that shes close to, and hopefully that'll make her feel cared for and such.

[Ben]

You know what snaps somebody out of it?

I was mopey "killmyself" for a long time. And then My Stepfather Hung himself nine months after having a baby girl.


Tough love. Get her to talk to somebody who has lost an IMMEDIATE family member to suicide.

Its selfish. Seriously, dont coddle this. It only indulges the behavior. It sounds harsh but its true. Suicide is a INCREDIBLY SELF ABSORBED ACT OF SELF PITY.

Be lovng, but also tell her its disrespectfull, and selfish.




You lose alot of respect for suicides when your half sister is taken by social services because of an ***hole who couldnt pull his head out his  own self absorbtion

[Darkfox]

In the past I've stopped a few people who considered running away and suiciding. But I will say my methods differ, and some here may know this. I'm empathic but also tough.

[SaiKar]

While I'll agree that showing her that people care is a good idea, be wary. Attention can be an addiction. You and your friends won't be able to keep up the extra super sweet treatment forever. Having people care and then just stop can be almost worse than them never caring to begin with. Remember that only she can change how she sees herself and people around her. You can try to help, and you should try, but you can't force anything.

Time is your best ally. Time really does heal all wounds. Low self-esteem usually doesn't last huge amounts of time. The longer she stays stable the easier it is to stay that way.

[Noobpwner]

man I did the same thing as your gf scuicide and **** but the pills were for a high lol.  Anyway realy ive quit cuttin scuicide attempts,drugs etc. after my family and friends began to respect me for who i am and not pick out bad things about me.

     Is your girlfriend a real nice person who tries not to hurt others feelings? Its just a question.

[Shady Ultima]

I'll be honest, sounds a bit like your gf may have bi-polar disorder.

As a person who has bi-polar, I went through a lot of tough times, especially in high school when I didn't know what was wrong with me.
I attempted suicide more times then I can count, trying to hang myself, but I made a promise to my ex to not try it again, and I always keep my word, so I haven't for over two years now. Stay close to her, keep a close eye on her. Try and do the kindest things you can for her, things that show she really does matter. I can tell you, if anyone had done something like that for me, perhaps I wouldn't have kept trying over and over.

[Noobpwner]

Yeah Shadys right that'll work good.