Love and Relationships

[Shady Ultima]

Well, I was lookin at another forum, and there's a quite popular thread called the Love and Relationships thread. It's there for people struggling with relationships.

And since I'm sure EVERYONE deals with these kinds of things, I figured I might bring it over here.

So basically, when you have a problem with friends, girls/boys, parents, or any other relationship really, you could talk about it in this thread, and hopefully, people will give you some advice.

So, please don't spam, and if you have any relationship problems, let 'em flow!

[DragonBlaze]

Well I already said something about my problems, but here goes :-p

My Gf always wants to kill herself. She thinks her only purpose in life is to cause other people pain (although she never wants to). Her dad always yells at her, and her mom (they're not together) doesn't even think of her as a duaghter anymore (she told her  that). Umm, lets see, she thinks she is a bad person and has no self esteem, whenever something even very small happens to her, she gets down on herself and wants to kill herself, hurt herself, or something along those lines. Like today she was down for no real reason, but she took a scisors and cut her stomach quick right in front of me

I can't cheer her up or she gets mad at. Well she says shes a bad person, if I try and tell her thats shes a good person, she gets mad that I don't believe her. And when I talk her out of killing herself and stuff like that she gets mad at me for not caring about her and her feelings.

So yeah, thats my situation, I don't expect anyone can help. Shes gonna see a therapist soon, so thats good. I'm all used to this crap by now, so it doesn't bother me as much and I know how to deal with her, but anyway, i thought i might as well post anyway.

[Meiscool-2]

If you love her, stick with her.

If you're only with her because she loves you, dump her and find someone that doesn't wanna die.

[Shady Ultima]

Well, I never thought I'd say this, but I must agree with Meiscool.

It sounds like she's a very troubled young lady, and perhaps it's not the best choice to stay with her. But I firmly believe that love can conquer all, so if you love her, stay by her side. Never let anyone judge you for who you love, and just make sure she knows you're ALWAYS going to be by her side.

[Apex]

If you DO decide to keep her, take her on a camping trip. Somewhere very isolated, and tell her NOT to bring her Cell phone or radio. Nothing is more relaxing then the great out doors, just don't go hunting or anything similar, as that would put something dangerous in her hands, and in her mind. Somewhere to avoid all contact from things that may bother her, like mean or upsetting people, or the thought of violence.

Besides, camping always puts me in a better mood.

[Revolution911]

I wouldn't stay with her.

DON'T TAKE ANY OF THIS TO HEART.  I MAY SOUND A BIT HARSH.

Honestly, she's being a baby and it all sounds like one big cry for attention.  Like "stay with me cause if you don't IM GUNNA DIE."  Even if its not like that, you still shouldn't have to deal with her.  BUT IF YOU'RE A BIG SENSITIVE MOOSH.  Atleast let her know that you really don't have to deal with her being a baby and you shouldn't.  If you really do love her,  you gotta tell it to her straight that she needs to grow up.  Everyones life sucks, I don't think she has a right to complain.

Sounds harsh but I been in this situation before.  TAKE NO PRISONERS.

[X_marks_the_ed]

Reminds me of the old forum I used to moderate until the admin left, "Bring me revolution". I was a big success there, so one can only hope it does well here.

[Dragonium]

I pretty much agree with what Rev says. Everyone has problems, but most people learn to deal with them and not be all attention-seeking.

If she's not strong enough to deal with her own problems, and she's not prepared to go through therapy or self-help to make herself strong enough, then she's probably just after attention. If you choose to stay with her after that then you're a noble guy, but seriously, don't spend your life looking out for someone who's just going to cause more problems for themself.

[Shady Ultima]

Hmm, here I was thinkin DB and Dragonium were the same person.

[Dragonium]

For God's sake. I am clearly NOT DragonBlaze. Move along.

[Almeidaboo]

Originally posted by Shady Ultima
Hmm, here I was thinkin DB and Dragonium were the same person.

Fracking LOL me too...I was like...Dude...

[Linkizcool]

Originally posted by Revolution911
I wouldn't stay with her.

DON'T TAKE ANY OF THIS TO HEART.  I MAY SOUND A BIT HARSH.

Honestly, she's being a baby and it all sounds like one big cry for attention.  Like "stay with me cause if you don't IM GUNNA DIE."  Even if its not like that, you still shouldn't have to deal with her.  BUT IF YOU'RE A BIG SENSITIVE MOOSH.  Atleast let her know that you really don't have to deal with her being a baby and you shouldn't.  If you really do love her,  you gotta tell it to her straight that she needs to grow up.  Everyones life sucks, I don't think she has a right to complain.

Sounds harsh but I been in this situation before.  TAKE NO PRISONERS.

Nobody who wants to kill themself does it for attention. NOBODY.
Why not?
Its probably the dumbest way to get attention.

People who want to kill themselves do it because they have an intolerable amount of pain, and they want to get rid of it. The ability to tolerate pain changes from person to person, and also on the type of pain. Some people can tolerate pain from relationships better than pain from loss of family, for example. Others feel differently.

Most people who want to kill themselves (statistically 90%) have some kind of neurological disorder (i.e schitzophrenia, PTSD, C-PTSD,  depressions, etc.).

Telling somebody to grow up isn't going to help them when the real problem is something like PTSD. It's like slapping somebody because they complain from pain because they have a broken arm. Nor is it going to help by taunting them because they cannot tolerate pain to the degree you can.

Anyways therapy is probably the best way for her to go. Or a nice book. Or something that came keep her attention away from harming herself.

[aboutasoandthis]

 Originally posted by Revolution911
 

I wouldn't stay with her.

DON'T TAKE ANY OF THIS TO HEART. I MAY SOUND A BIT HARSH.

Honestly, she's being a baby and it all sounds like one big cry for attention. Like "stay with me cause if you don't IM GUNNA DIE." Even if its not like that, you still shouldn't have to deal with her. BUT IF YOU'RE A BIG SENSITIVE MOOSH. Atleast let her know that you really don't have to deal with her being a baby and you shouldn't. If you really do love her, you gotta tell it to her straight that she needs to grow up. Everyones life sucks, I don't think she has a right to complain.

Sounds harsh but I been in this situation before. TAKE NO PRISONERS.

I don't think you're harsh enough. :p

[Fortet]

As far as the suicide thing goes, my sister is schizo affective (pre-stages of schizophrenia), so I know how a lot of it goes. If she's diagnosed with anything, medicines can help balance emotions.
Therapy is also a good idea. My sister sees a therapist twice a month and she does fairly well with it.
It just depends on all of the situations. Many things contribute to these things, so be sure to look at all possibilities.

=============================================

Not so much a relationship problem as much as it a... problem, I guess...

Alright, I've known a girl since the 7th grade. We're really good friends and have been since that grade.
The way we hung out, people thought we had feelings for each other and would constantly ask if we were going out or would taunt us for acting the way we did.
Well, I liked her since the end of the 7th grade. 8th grade was when the taunting and gossip started. I noticed that, among her other guy friends, she treated me differently. But I wasn't sure if it was if she liked me or not.
When we got into the 9th grade, during band camp she met a senior and they started going out. On top of that, thanks to big mouths, she found out I liked her. Her boyfriend is a nice guy, but there seems to be a huge wall of tension between us. We've even talked about the entire thing together and the wall still seems to be there.
We're about to start our sophomore year in August. Her BF will be in college and I don't know how they'll stay in much contact with each other.
Because of this, I don't know how much of a move I would be able to make. Could I take her to homecoming? Movies?
People tell me she likes me, and the way she acts around me might hint to it. We act like an old married couple (fighting, chatting, etc.) and are always hanging out.
So, what do you guys make of the situation? Should I try for it? Or should I just leave the whole thing alone and just remain friends with her?

[Revolution911]

Originally posted by Linkizcool

Originally posted by Revolution911
I wouldn't stay with her.

DON'T TAKE ANY OF THIS TO HEART.  I MAY SOUND A BIT HARSH.

Honestly, she's being a baby and it all sounds like one big cry for attention.  Like "stay with me cause if you don't IM GUNNA DIE."  Even if its not like that, you still shouldn't have to deal with her.  BUT IF YOU'RE A BIG SENSITIVE MOOSH.  Atleast let her know that you really don't have to deal with her being a baby and you shouldn't.  If you really do love her,  you gotta tell it to her straight that she needs to grow up.  Everyones life sucks, I don't think she has a right to complain.

Sounds harsh but I been in this situation before.  TAKE NO PRISONERS.

Nobody who wants to kill themself does it for attention. NOBODY.
Why not?
Its probably the dumbest way to get attention.

People who want to kill themselves do it because they have an intolerable amount of pain, and they want to get rid of it. The ability to tolerate pain changes from person to person, and also on the type of pain. Some people can tolerate pain from relationships better than pain from loss of family, for example. Others feel differently.

Most people who want to kill themselves (statistically 90%) have some kind of neurological disorder (i.e schitzophrenia, PTSD, C-PTSD,  depressions, etc.).

Telling somebody to grow up isn't going to help them when the real problem is something like PTSD. It's like slapping somebody because they complain from pain because they have a broken arm. Nor is it going to help by taunting them because they cannot tolerate pain to the degree you can.

Anyways therapy is probably the best way for her to go. Or a nice book. Or something that came keep her attention away from harming herself.

[/B]

Is she dead yet?  No.  She hasn't done it yet, but she threatens too over and over again.  If you really wanted to kill yourself, you wouldn't boast about it so everyone around you can console you.  You'd do it.  Its all self-centered bullshit.  Just because YOU have a few problems, the world is going to ****ing end right?  Its not worth living if it gets to hard, right?  No.  Grow up.  You cant be a baby and complain for your entire life.  If you have a disease or some **** like that, fine, take your free pass and move on.  

But you aren't born with depression.  You let yourself spiral down into it.  People like that need to wake the hell up and move on.  So yes, I can tell them to grow up because thats not the only hardship life is going to throw at you, and they need to get used to it.  

People are too sensitive now-a-days to sit here and give in to demands like this.  Its not going to help them in the future.  Its sending the message that if something like this happens again, everyone around them will be right there to hug and kiss them.  Thats not how it works.  The world is too busy and moves too fast for everyone to be there for you all the time.  Sometimes you have to suck it up and move through it.  I'm not saying it's easy, but its not an option.  It's something you HAVE to do.



EDIT:  In response to Fortet,  I'd say stay where you are.  If you really want to, go for it but if she actually breaks up with the other guy for you, imagine what she could do to you.  It sounds like you want to though, so go ahead.  If she really does like you, you'll make a good couple.