Charas Pub

[Archem]

Archem: I like your she-penis. May I touch it?
MIC: Uh... No?
Archem: Please? I'll buy you candy!
Razor: I'll give you free drinks*!
MT11: I didn't finish eating this newcomer, and I'm willing to share him!
MIC: This is awful creepy... I think I'll go do feminine things in the female bathroom.
Razor: Fine. I'll just be heading to the adjacent broom closet to get a... Broom...
MT11: Yeah, me too...
Grandy: Nope. Not me. It's a trap.



* Limited time offer. No purchase necessary. Limited to one drink a day, no drinks over $6 US.

[Bluhman]

In the broom closet

A book: Hello? Somebody... Please let me out...
The door opens...
MT11: Ah, the broom closet. Now then... The peep hole should be somewhe- hey, a book.
Razor: A book? Bah. Not in my pub.
MT11: Hold on, I think it's one of those pop-up picture books. Those are ALWAYS fun.
Razor: Point taken. Let's see what it has to say.
MT11:*opens book*
Both: Ooooooh.....
Bluhman (In the book, as a picture in it): Help me! I'm trapped on this cursed island... That's somehow in this book! Listen, simply touch the picture in this book and I'll be free!
Razor: Hold on, what will we get in return?
Bluhman: Well, nothing much... Look, just please touch the picture, alright? This island is a horrendously miserable place.
MT11: It might be a trap, like Grandy said.
Razor: I wouldn't wager that. After all, Bluhman is an alright guy. He wouldn't set up a trap like this, would he?
MT11: I think so... Very well, we'll help you out. *Places hand on page*
MT11 and Razor get warped into the book, onto the island in it. Bluhman jumps right out of the same book.
Bluhman: Hah! I'm free!
...
Oh... Now you're stuck. Well, sucks to be you.
MT11: Damn! It WAS a trap!
Razor: I knew it!
Bluhman: Don't worry. Maybe if I BURN the book, you'll be able to escape from it easily! *Runs off with the book to the pub's fireplace*
Razor: Uh... That doesn't make any sense.
MT11: I don't think... IT WAS MEAN'T TO! *A dramatic fanfare plays*

[A Forgotten Legend]

*book is in fire and burns*

-HOURS LATER-

AFL: *stops playing fanfare* I'm done now.

Bluhman: ...

[Moosetroop11]

Bluhman: Ah, finally! With Razor and MT out of the way, we can play strip russian pirate monopoly! For five players only.

MIC, Archem, AFL, Grandy: Aye aye!!!

[Bluhman]

Bluhman: Aight... So, here's how you play: First, you need to take this revolver with dice loaded in it. Spin the barrel around, and aim it at your head. It should hit your head, and a number should be chosen. Move across the board, then slowly take your clothing off as you get further on...

Meanwhile, on the island that was in the book...

MT11: Well, damn. Seems Bluhman trapped us here.
Razor: How are we going to get off this island? Furthermore, why aren't we dead?
MT11: Maybe this island isn't actually a part of the book!
Razor: What? That's a stupid idea. I bet we're actually dead and this is all an illusion... Well... Hold on. *Punches self in the gut.* Uh... Guess not.
MT11: Well, we'll probably have to solve some inordinate amount of puzzles to escape back to the pub. I hope you're ready to closely examine every last corner of this place!
Razor: Wha?
MT11: Let's go!
Razor: No, wait... What did you just say!?

 Back in the Pub.
AFL: Yay! I got two sixes! *Falls over unconcious*
Bluhman: Now you all know what you're supposed to do when that happens. That's where the 'pirate' part of 'strip russian pirate monopoly' comes in. And maybe a little bit of the 'strip' part as well.
Grandy: If it weren't for the fact I were winning somehow, I probably would've checked out that broom closet as well...  

[A Forgotten Legend]

AFL: I don't know if I feel to comfortable with this game any...
Bluhman: DO AS YOU ARE TOLD.
AFL: Yes Mr. Bluhman, mr. sir! ....*hides behind grandy*

[Moosetroop11]

AFL: *Realises Grandy is naked*

[Grandy]

 Grandy: Being naked and playing games with guys is okay, but NO TOUCHING! ...gay.

[Archem]

Archem: Dude, which is lower? I landed on the income tax, and I have no idea how to pay!
Grandy: This is Strip Russian Pirate Monopoly™! You pay everything on the income tax tile! Or else you go to jail and keep it all, but face a very uncomfortable experience! *points to jail*

*not with his hands*
Archem: What? It's a damn board game! What's the worst that could happen?
*buzzer sounds, sirens wail*
Bluhman: You said the Strip Russian Pirate Monopoly™ mystery word of the game! It was "worst"!
AFL: I don't like this game...
MIC: I sure as hell do! *begins lubing up game board*
Bluhman: Ouch. Archem, you might want to bend over and not resist. There's a chance of tearing if you do.
Archem: WHAT?!! Holy hell! This is super gay!!!
AFL: Dude, did you roll a five or a seven?
Archem: *with game board half-way in* I rolled the world's worst five, and I will always regret it!
AFL: Well, it looks like a seven to me...
Grandy: He said the Strip Russian Pirate Monopoly™ mystery word of the game again! *finds something else to sodomize Archem with*
Archem: This is the worst day of my life... T_T
MIC: It's funny because he keeps saying it!

[Moosetroop11]

MT11: Y'know buddy, the joke's on them. Without us in the pub, who's gonna provide the entertainment? I bet they're just sitting around, miserable. Bluhman'll want us back in no time.

***

Archem: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Grandy: This is the most fun I've had in ages!!!

Bluhman: Which is creepy, because what you're doing is sodomising a person with a board game!

Grandy and Bluhman: Teeheeheeheeheeheehee!!!

[HobomasterXXX]

Dudewheresmymount walks in.

DWMM- Hey, can i get a drink and...... WTF ARE YOU SICKO FREAKS DOING?! Oh, wait... you're doing it to archem.... carry on.

[A Forgotten Legend]

AFL: ...*backs away from Bluhman and Grandy* this is the wor... ...non-best game I've ever played.

Grandy:*looks up*  What word were you not saying?

AFL: Timeout.  Worst. Time In.

Bluhman:  Time out does not work in this game.

AFL: Dammit.  Where's that book when you need it.

[HobomasterXXX]

DWMM: I'll help! *bashes grandy to death with a giant pretzel*

Bluhman: Good, I wanted to start a different game now anyway. It's          time to play.... Strip Russian Pirate JENGA.

AFL: Whats the difference between Strip Russian Pirate Monopoly and Strip Russian Pirate JENGA?

Bluhman: Welll you get the little wooden blocks and....

AFL: OH GOD NO!! *hides in the cupboard*

[RuneBlade]

RuneBlade walks into the pub, orders a drink, quietly drinks it, pays for it and leaves.

[Moosetroop11]

MT11: Whydo I feel like we just missed some cool dude wander into the pub, drink, then leave?
Razor: No idea, but I hope he paid. Now pull!
MT11: EEEGH, AAAAA!
Razor: Excellent. Now pull eight more of those palm trees out of the ground.
MT11: What are we doing again?
Razor: We're constructing a device! A device which, upon activation, will propell us from the book and into the pub!
MT11: Oh yeah. What else do we need after these trees?
Razor: Hmm. *looks at blueprints* two treefrogs, a pointy stick, a bag of pebbles, some gum and a continuum transfunctioner.
MT11: Why, most of those items can be found on this very island! We'll be out in no time!